SD Parent Teacher Conference
So this morning we had SD's virtual parent teacher conference. We learned that basically any letter sounds and letter recognition is non-existent. The teacher has begun early intervention with SD and the assistant teacher whereas she is getting one on one extra help with trying to help SD improve on these areas. SD has gotten a little better in the last two weeks since this started, but before that she could not recognize a single letter or tell the sound of it.
Then as for math the teacher said SD can only count to five and only recognizes 0, 1, and 2.... When we saw SD every other week, we worked with SD on counting and DH would do number and letter exercises with her. At that point SD could count to 15 and knew more than what she is showing to know in school.
So that is pretty frustrating especially when in the past DH has mentioned to BM that he was working on x, y, and z with BM and it would be helpful for SD to continue working on those items when with BM too. BM claimed up and down how she does workbooks with SD and she has her learning apps. We would be able to tell since there was always regression when coming back to our house that it wasn't happening. We also had SD in daycare where they would also work on these items. Since BM has become primary parent in September 2020, at most SD has been with a sitter when BM works so not to point fingers, but seems that SD's learning did not continue prior to entering kindergarten the last year.
BM messages this morning to give the time of the parent teacher conference for SD which BM doesn't realize we already know because of the school app the teacher uses. Then about an hour and a half after BM's parent teacher conference BM messages 2 pictures, 1. of SD in the classroom, 2. SD with her teacher.... So basically SD is seriously struggling in school and BM chooses instead of messaging DH about that, sends two pictures that have nothing to do with helping SD. The teacher probably told BM that she had a parent teacher conference with us already so perhaps that is why, but come on, it is pretty serious that SD has been in school for 2 months now and doesn't know the things that she already should of had some knowledge on before entering kindergarton.
So we asked the teacher if there was anything we could work on with SD when she is with us for winter break and she gave some suggestions and will upload some of the items they work on in school for us to do with SD while she is with us. We really like her teacher because not only is she going to upload things for us to print to work on with SD, but she is uploading all the papers and everything regarding SD's progress, etc. Plus thanks to a suggestion from another person on here, SD's teacher is going to get back to us on how we can order our own photos of SD from picture day without having to go through BM, whether that is by giving us the code we need or what.
So what do people suggest on addressing or not addressing the information from the parent teacher conference? Whenever DH has tried to ask for BM's help on continuing to teach SD things at her home, potty training SD also when at her home, etc. BM has EVERYTIME said that she is working on those items and blah blah blah, so it goes no where. Since we do not see SD regularly right now we would not know if she does work on these items with SD or not, but from past experience BM has claimed to be doing that, but you could clearly see the regression when SD was with BM because it was not actually being worked on. We just do not want SD to end up having to repeat kindergarton if things do not improve as they need to for her to move on to first grade. SD is already dramatically behind and new things are just going to be continued to be added.
I don't want to make assumptions about BM's house and how she allocates her attention/resources, but BM's older daughter could write her name at 4, but also DH was involved at that time and primary parent of her and she was in daycare during the week everyday. SD is now just starting to be able to write her name. SD when asked cannot tell you how old she is either. It just seems really strange to me unless for the last year BM has not been working on these things while at home with her and we know for fact she was not in a preschool or daycare. I will admit DH and I could have started in on some more of the items when we had SD, but we were already working on trying to teach her numbers, colors, her full name, etc. because she did not know these things. I know this is one of those things that we cannot control from so far away. We have continued everytime we have had SD more than for a day or weekend, to work on numbers, letters, etc. with her, but the time we do have with her now (6 weeks of summer, every other christmas break, and every spring break), will not be enough to make a difference in her learning and education if BM is not also trying at home. I get it about being busy, but this is something that time should be made for.
I really feel for SD because she has just always had the shitty end of the stick. Since BM and DH separated before she was 2, everything since then with learning has been delayed. When we had BM's older child, a lot of the energy and time was spent on her and her behaviorial problems. BM has hinted that is still the case at her house. Plus since the child is fatherless that we know of, BM dotes on this child much more than SD because SD "has a dad." etc. It is just really frustrating because SD is such a great kid and things could be going so much better for her, but they aren't. There is not anything we can do about it. You all can say "not of moved away" which I get, but now that we have full access to SD's file we know BM's husband is active duty military, no wonder BM keeps saying "may move" because her DH will be getting orders somewhere else so BM isn't staying in VA either, just a matter of time before she leaves. Last we heard was the new year being when she was moving. Some will probably say disengage too, but it is not just me that is worried about SD and her lack of excelling in school, DH is just as concerned and worried, but unsure of what to do from here.