Principal called DH and emailed him
So DH just got off the phone with the principal of SD's school and the conversation went really well. He spoke to the teacher and the teacher will be sending an email next week with more information as well as a login for a different portal they have (that we had no idea about) that uploads the scores and information of every test SD takes. BM has a login, but SD's teacher is working on getting DH his own login.
Apparently SD has been struggling at school with the new information they are learning and retaining it. Well, if SD's teacher wanted to listen to us in the beginning of the year and again at the parent teacher conference then she would of known this was coming because now SD is at a point that it is all new information.
Plus SD's teacher has been getting frustrated with BM because it has been very difficult to get a hold of someone in that house to discuss these issues with. Again, NO surprise that is what SD's teacher had an issue with last year and had better success with DH from the other side of the country.
Basically, the principal apologized and said things would get better. We can CC him on any emails we send the teacher if we would like to and if there are any issues to just give him a call. DH said he wasn't trying to complain about the teacher, but was just looking for more help in getting information because the school is the only way he receives information. DH said if he knew the teacher was having issues getting in contact with BM and about these other issues then he can help interject, but he cannot do anything if no one is informing him.
So hopefully the rest of the year goes well with this teacher and build a good relationship with the principal for future years.
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Plus SD's teacher has been
This is nuts. My kid's teachers have never had to wait even an hour for me to reply to any communication from them. And mine has never had any issues, per se. I cannot imagine ignoring communication from teachers when my kid was struggling. I hope DH calls her out for this. If she wants to be the primary contact for the school, she needs to get her act together.
Right?! But SD's teacher last year said she too
had issues getting a hold of BM. We are waiting to get the email this week from the teacher to see if she shares the same information and then can bring it up with BM. Waiting BM is supposedly updating information on SD's tutor, therapist, etc. before today's end so not trying to piss her off before she shares that. I would be amazed if she actually goes through with sharing that information.
You and DH, IMHO, need to quit giving a shit about
pissing off BM and scrub her nose in the stench she creates.
Stop coddling BM and letting her dominate everyone else in the picture. Keep building the compost box more tightly around BM and let her rot in her crap. Keep her contained as much as possible, and give SD the facts about her toxic dipshit of a mother.
DH needs to protect his daughter and stop giving one shit about the idiot womb donor. Part of that should include introducing SD to the facts about the CO, BMs crap, and regular age appropriate updates on her full blended family situation with particular focus in countering BM's crap.
We evolved this model for my SS as he was growing under the COs that we lived under for 16+ years. The more the SpermClan lied and manipualted, the more we engaged SS with the facts. He developed the knowledge and confidence to recognize their lies and manipulations, and to protect himself from their crap in real time as he progressed through his teens. That has given SS-30 the confidence to continue to protect himself, as an adult, from their continued shitstorm of toxicity and victimhood.
IMHO, your SD needs the same to survive her idiot mother and progress into and through viable adulthood.
With cell phones glued to everyone's hands. There should be no reason not to get in touch with BM.. Eceryone including the teacher knows this
Yes, BM may have a cell phone
Yes, BM may have a cell phone glued to her hand, but she (like many parents who do not want to be contacted) see the school name on the caller id and do not answer.
I'm going to be the bad guy
I'm going to be the bad guy here..
Honestly.... do you think it was still the best decision for your DH to willing move 3k miles away from his daughter?
She is barely in to her schooling years and look at the issues here... How much control do you think your going to have? You guys are not living it... only virtually.
What happens when you have your own kids? Will there a balance for both with SD being 3k miles away? I doubt it.
It is great what you are trying to do for her but reality you guys choose to move away from her leaving BM to raise her.
I think you want way more control then you should have IMHO.
Unfortunately, I agree
There really is not much your husband can actually DO when he is so far away, except watch the horror show until the damage is so great bm doesn't want to deal with it, or a court finally relents to a custody swap.
If he says too much, bm will likely go to court and try and get majority legal decision making since she is the one dealing with day to day and will act as though your husband is "causing problems".
Now, while I personally think bm is using a therapist to try and prove "something is wrong with sd and that's why she's not learning"... a court would likely look at it as bm is doing something while your husband is "just complaining from afar". And, to be honest, that kind of IS what is happening, except when he has his custody time - which, is not that much and spread very far apart.