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Next week's meeting is going to be a waste of time

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

So next Wednesday morning at 5:30 am our time is the meeting with SD's teacher, assistant principal, social worker, etc. plus BM and BM's DH. SD is currently at 21 total missed days of school and 5 tardies. SD's last report card showed minimal improvement and that was before SD missed 10 more days of school and 2 more tardies. SD's teacher had put SD on the list to be signed up for free after school tutoring in both Math and Literacy early March and copied us on the email for it. DH has asked BM twice if she signed SD up for the tutoring, the first time she said she would talk to the teacher and the second time she flat out ignored the question. So DH emailed SD's teacher to ask if SD had been signed up for the tutoring so he will know this information prior to the meeting Wednesday. SD's teacher responded saying that SD has not been signed up for the tutoring the school offers. 

Basically at this point there is nothing that is going to convince DH that SD shouldn't repeat kindergarten. SD simply has missed too much school, her last report card doesn't meet standards on even half of the items assessed, and frankly doesn't seem like the extra help being offered to assist her in catching up is not been used. The school can't even test SD to see if there is a learning disability because SD doesn't come to school enough. Last meeting the board we met with said they don't think it is a learning disability, but rather the missing school and coming to school tired is what is holding her back from success. I am interested to hear however if SD is still coming to school so tired when BM said it was because of the tonsil issue, but the tonsils are now gone, so was she right about that or was it a convenient excuse. 



ndc's picture

What happens if DH wants her to repeat kindergarten and BM wants her to go to 1st grade? BM will be in a different school district next year, right? Does one of them have decision making, or is there a tie breaker?

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I would think the school has some sort of say on it and the new school will get SD's transcripts. Last time it was discussed it seemed like BM thought from the very beginning SD should just repeat, while DH and I were hopeful that maybe she could turn it around and not have to be held back, but if she is struggling now which is the foundation of her learning, she is just going to keep struggling. However, they have 50/50 decision making for school.

This new school has a stricter attendance policy though so that will be interesting. However, we still haven't received the change of address notication in the mail from BM. According to their CO, it needs to be received a minimum of 30 days prior to the move date via mail to us and the court. According to BM their move date is May 27, so unless it comes the next couple of days with it post marked for 4/27/22 or earlier she isn't following it. DH gave BM actually a very nice reminder about it last weekend because she has never done it before, but we really don't think we will get it until she actually moves. 

Ispofacto's picture

K-2 is a snap.  Things get harder from there.  This skid is going to be a dropout.

DH needs custody.


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

not moving on to first grade because it won't be any better than this year if she doesn't get it now. 

Just need to establish enough of a pattern and such where a judge would be okay separating the sisters and we just aren't there yet. Only bright side about BM moving to another state is we can move it to the new state and not get the judge that was whole heartedly against separating the sisters. It will be a while until we will have a case that shows it would definitely be in the best interest of the child.

agitated's picture

My SD was having similar issues (Not the missing school, but not catching on) in Kindergarten also. She had only turned five 15 days before staring K. She struggled every year thereafter and would not have graduated if it had not been for Covid and them basically giving everyone a free pass. Your SD should repeat K now so that she has a fighting chance the remainder of her school years. I just hope your DH and BM can agree on that. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

It is hard to say if it is hard for her to catch on or if it is because of how much school she missed, she wasn't doing homework half the year, wasn't getting help at home, plus never went to pre-k of any kind. 

Hopefully they can agree on it too. I think it won't be a huge issue, but I hope regardless next year goes better than this year did with SD on going to school and getting the help she needs.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

7 of those days were following her tonsil surgery, the last 3 days were due to a stomach virus, etc. BM has said for all of them that SD was sick and/or was tonsil issues, etc. So CPS wouldn't do anything about it. Next year however, the tonsils are not an excuse anymore as they are gone now.

notarelative's picture

Very often, even in the computer/fax age, the child is enrolled in school before the records show up. You'd be amazed how many times parents 'forget'  that the child is repeating (even when they agree at the previous school). 

So BM could try to enroll SD in grade one. In some districts (aka mine), since the student was enrolled the previous year, the student would be 'assigned' to grade one if that was what the parent requested. 'Assignment' is district speak for your child is not ready, but we give you final say. In other districts, once they get the records and realize the child was to repeat, they move the child to the correct placement

What happens if mom and dad have differing opinions, I have no idea. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

even worth asking BM if she enrolled her and what grade, etc. She couldn't even answer if she put SD in the school provided free after school tutoring, we had to go to SD's teacher to find out. 

DH will need to look into it and reach out to SD's new school once the current school year is over. SD finishes up school while we are away on our cruise, so after the cruise, DH will be reaching out to the new school. Last year, BM did not have DH listed properly on SD's school paperwork, etc. so this year before school starts, DH is going to make sure all of that is updated and corrected, rather than having to jump through hoops after school already started like he did this year.

notarelative's picture

DH can try to reach out, but whether someone is actually at the school in the summer, depends on the district. In my district, there is only someone at individual schools two weeks after the end of school and two weeks before. Registrations are taken at a central office which may or may not be responsive. Even if DH gets someone who seems responsive on the phone, he needs to double check after school starts.

Also note that many times parents wait until right before school to register. The first few days of school always have parents registering. So don't be surprised if BM waits until the last minute.

Despite being proactive, DH can find himself trying to get this done after school starts as the school most likely won't take his info until after SD is registered.

24 years as a SM's picture

A couple of years ago, Leech was keeping SGD11 home from school for no good reasonm with so many days of missing school, Leech got a letter that she had to meet with the SARB. At the meeting there was a social worker and a case worker from CPS, because this was educational negelct. Needless to say, SGD11 didn't miss very many days after that meeting, it was an eye opener for Leech, that she could loose custody of SGD.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Attendance policy at her current school is a bit loose in my opinion. The school SD is going to be going to, has a much stricter policy and enforcement so it seems that this whole nonsense won't be tolerated. I mean from what we were looking at it's an automatic repeat when missing 10% of school days (based on a school calendar year of 180 days is 18 days). 

We thought after the letter we got and BM got, plus the school keep saying about SD's attendance that things would change and it did for about two months then SD has been absent again and tardy again. 

Dh just keeps saying to me, let BM keep making these mistakes, eventually it is going to not be in the best interest of SD if things don't change

Felicity0224's picture

If she's changing schools, I highly doubt they would automatically hold SD back based on grades from other school. I actually would be surprised if they even looked at her grades. All they're going to care about is: does she live the right zone for the school she's enrolling in, and does her DOB put her in 1st or kinder.

If DH wants her to repeat and he believes that BM will try to push her forward, he needs to be super proactive. It sounds like that's the plan, I'd just be prepared for the new school to defer to BM's wishes unless DH can get a court order that SD needs to repeat kinder. It sucks, but I think that's the reality. 

Is summer school or tutoring an option while she's with y'all? Assuming there isn't a learning disability, with the right support I think she could probably catch up pretty quickly. Where I live, there is a private school that hosts summer camps in two week sessions that prep kids for the next grade. I've heard that it can be kind of intense, but they're apparently quite effective. Maybe there's something like that available near you?

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

DH intends to be proactive once it gets a little closer but before school actually starts so everything is sorted before then.

we fully intend in having SD be tutored and such, even picked out where etc. but are waiting until we hear the outcome of this meeting in regards to SD repeating or not. They even do a test of where the student is at prior to starting the tutoring and after, which we would like to have done anyway 

Rags's picture

So you can bare BM's ass for the Skid's abhorant attendance.

A do over on repeating a grade is not necessarily a bad thing. I had a do over year myself. Though rather than kindergarten my was 10th grade.


I graduated at the top of my HS class.  

What I would do is get this all in front of a Judge as well so you and DH can start the regular court executed beatings on BM.

Good luck.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Definitely would prefer it to be kindergarten.


thinkthrice's picture

You are giving me flashbacks.  SD was in kindergarten when the gir and Chef broke up

Enter munchausen's and blaming everything on The Break-Up.  Chef attended all of the school meetings teacher conferences etc etc and insisted that SD be held back a grade due to her poor attendance and performance in school.  The school flat out told chef and I that it didn't matter what chefs opinion is; that the custodial b m had the upper hand and the final say.  This pattern continued on down to yss where every year they would miss boatloads of school days and fail every subject yet the gir was never held accountable.  In New York state they just pass a kid through whether they fail or not.

Every sniffle was blown up into a full case of Ebola and the skids missed inordinate amounts of school.