You are here

I didn't even share everything

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

that was found out regarding BM and the home situation, more like the concerning highlights regarding the children.

Also found on the phone was videos of BM and voice recordings of BM taken by SD's sister (we think) and then sent to BM by text message. One video is of BM talking to someone on the phone about trying to educate "him" (step dad?) on what mental illness is and how he is getting mad at her for not being honest, lying, and not telling him information. BM is telling this person that she doesn't even remember what she is supposed to tell him.

There is a voice recording of her talking to a counselor or a professional of some sort of having multiple personalities. Apparently one professional thinks she has 4 personalities. BM talks about two of the personalities she has. One she says "that's the protector. The one that is always doing dumb things and making poor choices."

So basically BM has an MO at this point. I believe she does have some sort of mental illness going on, but not sure what. However, BM cries wolf and makes someone feel bad for them. That person then takes her in and takes care of her and now in this case her children too. But BM really doesn't want this person and doesn't really care for that person, instead it is all about sucking what she needs and/or wants from that person until they are no longer useful. Then instead of leaving said person, she keeps that person around and finds other people to give her attention/for her to use in secret. Then when the person who took her in suspects she is up to no good, she cries victim of everything in her life and her mental illness and I don't mean for any of this to happen. Please don't be mad at me for what I cannot control.

DH's close friend who has known DH since he got married to BM, has spent time around BM, etc. says that he bets she will claim that step dad raped her or something and to please feel bad for her to try and get things to go her way both legally and to get sympathy from those around her. It almost seems like the multiple personality thing could be used as an excuse for her to be able to keep making bad choices, but since she has many personalities then it is not her fault and it is out of her control. I mean maybe she does have multiple personalities, I don't know. Just is the typical stuff that DH had told me when we met, plus what I have witnessed since being with DH, and then now seeing glimpses of her basically doing/trying the same things to another man now.

Comments

CastleJJ's picture

It is highly unlikely that BM actually has multiple personality disorder, which is now known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. It's really rare and it involves "switching" between two or more personalities. These personalities are distinct and go by alternative names. This condition is typically caused by severe trauma that causes people to dissociate to prevent remembering or feeling the effects of said trauma. People with DID also experience amnesia about what occurs while in these alternate personalities. Many that do have the condition feel they are possessed when in alternate these personalities. 

It is likely that BM is just an opportunist who has multiple facades to get what she wants. Our HCBM is similar; she uses people to meet an objective and when they are no longer useful, she throws them out like yesterday's trash, then she proceeds to gaslight and emotionally abuse them. It is like HCBMs on this site that claim to be "the poor single mother with no support" to get what they want, all while our DHs are fighting tooth and nail to be involved. Your BM may have mental illness of some sort, again many of these HCBMs do, but I can guarantee it isn't as serious as BM is making it out to be. In these videos, she is clearly trying to gain sympathy and support while displacing blame for her poor life choices by blaming it on "multiple personalities". 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Because I also thought people with DID were unaware they had DID or even in denial of having it when a doctor's diagnosis is DID. Not like "yes, I have many personalities, but unsure how many, one person thinks 4, but I know I have these 2." Like in such a passive manner about it.

Well so I guess I explained it a little confusing, she is being recorded, but in most her back is to the camera, but you see her face reflected in the mirror in front of her and she is on the phone and you see SD's sister setting up the video. BM is not videoing her or recording herself, it is SD's sister using the phone that I guess both sisters use. 

I 100% think BM just tries to find any excuse that will justify her actions and having multiple personalities justifies the most. It is hard to keep lies straight when majority of what you do is lie and I think that is what BM is struggling with.

tog redux's picture

Yes, this. DID is very rare. Maybe even not real, there is a lot of controversy about it. But there is no doubt in my mind that her ONE personality is disordered. 
 

Why on Earth did she not clear this phone before she sent it?

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

that is for sure!

So it seems a lot of these recordings and such were done August and Septemeber. When SD brought the phone in the summer, it was data, not wifi only, but now it is wifi only. SD's sister was blowing up BM's phone so I guess she got tired of it and didn't get a new data card, it is a trac phone where you buy minutes, data, etc. 

So I guess BM either forgot about it or was cocky we wouldn't look through it? But until we looked through it, we thought it was SD's phone like she said, but definitely the sister uses it a lot more. 

CastleJJ's picture

Oh there is no doubt that she has some sort of personality disorder. I feel like with this HCBM, she didn't clear the phone for one of two reasons. One, she is clearly lazy and disorganized like we have all said and didn't think to check what she was sending with SD or two, she was hoping DH would see this and will use it to play games. 

This video evidence won't be admissible in court because consent was not obtained prior to recording and the person filming isn't involved in the conversation. It's good information to know, but likely won't be useful if a court hearing ever were to occur. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I mean at this point she doesn't know we know these things off the phone. Our CPS report isn't based off the phone, just was more information we obtained, but really all the info is based on SD's report and hoping when they talk to her and the sister they report the same thing and/or confirm what was reported, but kids you never know what they will do. 

All I know is she is even more selfish than I thought she was 

Livingoutloud's picture

That's all kind of crazy. So older sister is recording BM doing random things like talking to people on the phone? like what the heck? Crazy. Why they even have a phone at such young age. I see Sd would have it for travel but older sister is not traveling. My SGD is turning 7 and she doesn't have a phone and she sure doesn't going around recording people and she is 7 going on 27, still wouldn't bother with such stuff 

It's almost like BM does all this herself on purpose to start drama. Who took a picture of BM in bed or hotel room with a man? I really think BM does all this to see if DH will bring it up and then she can start the drama. It's just not normal or typical behavior 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Especially because then the sister sends the recordings and such to BM. 
 

The phone was supposedly purchased for SD for traveling on the plane. Which makes sense. I mean SD is never left unattended to get lost in the airport or anything, but whatever. Then I guess somehow it transitioned into the sister using the phone regularly? I mean the child has a tik tok. 
 

The hotel picture is definitely taken by sd's sister because you can see SD in the same bed as the sister. The gentleman is African American and you see a Caucasian Women's arm sticking out from under him. 
 

DH thinks she is dumb and forgot since a lot of the messages are from September. I think she's cocky and doesn't think we would look or if we would we wouldn't do anything about it. Instead it opened SD up to report things going on at home that she otherwise wasn't saying much about. 

justmakingthebest's picture

My 1/2 sister's mother has DID. She has 3 different ones, my sister used to tell me Diane was the worst, I can't remember the others names but they were all women. She was raped violently by her brother when she was 7, she was physically and sexually abused by the uncle she went to live with after, she was into hard core drugs by the time she was 12. -- Those are the things that tend to set off that kind of disorder. I seriously doubt BM has it.

PLEASE tell me you saved these recordings! They might not be admissable in court but a lawyer can use them and do things like demand records (something I never thought was possible until this board!)!

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Happens when someone experiences trauma and that is how they cope with the trauma, to protect themselves. Obviously not consciously, but subconsciously which is why other people have no recollection or memories they can remember without extensive therapy or something occurring that brings the memories to the surface. 
 

So since the phone is only wifi and password protected wifi, we recorded the recordings on DH's phone and took photos of messages too, all showing timestamp and who it was sent to etc. We thought it was better to have and not be able to use then not have and wish we did!

Felicity0224's picture

So much about this is incredibly strange. And definitely disturbing. But what bugs me the most is, why is BM's daughter recording these things? And then sending them to BM? It's such a weird thing to do. I feel like the poor kid has been exposed to way too much. Maybe she's doing it as a form of attempted manipulation? To make BM feel guilty for being shitty? Which is something you'd expect from like a teenager, but she's younger, right? Just thinking of a child taking photos of her mom in bed with a man who isn't her husband makes me feel uncomfortable. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

My thoughts are that the child is using it as a cry for attention because each time the child is recording BM, BM is on the phone or talking to someone else not paying attention to her daughter. This child already has a lot going on mentally to cope with and deal with outside of BM adding on to it with her personal problems. The child is 7 years old, just turned 7 a few months ago.

DH's thought is that SD's sister is old enough to understand that it is not right that the BM is with another man outside of her husband especially when being told not to tell the step dad about this happening. In addition to this when SD's sister was still a part of our lives the child has extreme problems with jealousy when people she wants attention from is giving attention to someone other than her. So I think it is a combination of things.

At the end of the day it is very sad that a 5 and 7 year old are being exposed to these things that BM is doing especially during such developmental stages in their lives and they don't understand what is going on just know to be scared and to keep secrets. All things that are unhealthy.

Felicity0224's picture

7? Yikes. My DD is 8, and she's completely oblivious when I'm talking to other people or really if I'm doing anything that doesn't include her directly. She doesn't have a phone or device anyway, but even if she did it wouldn't ever occur to her to record my conversations/actions.

I suspect this kiddo has probably internalized the fact that she can't trust her BM to keep her safe (or even just maintain a stable/predictable environment) and so that makes her hyper-aware of what BM is doing all the time. Very sad.

Livingoutloud's picture

My SGD is also turning 7 and she loves to eavesdrop, me and her would be playing in a living room and DH and OSD would be in a kitchen and she'd be like let's listen what they talking about (nothing of substance). One time she asked me why they mumble as she can't understand what they are saying in the other room. Lol So kids are often nosey. But recording isn't normal. Mine is very computer savvy so I bet she'd know how to record, and she has IPad. But would she bother recording? I can't imagine.