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CPS Request Paperwork Came in

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I went out to check to mail today and honestly I wondered if CPS hasn't been called or if DH wasn't named the father in these reports since it has been more than a week and we still hadn't received anything in the mail from CPS to request the reports from BM's state. Well, I was wrong about that! We received five, yes FIVE request forms to fill out to request information. I literally am like shaking because BM has only lived in that state since June 2022 and already there were 5 reports against her to CPS. 

Besides the concern that I definitely feel, DH is busy at work and doesn't know yet, I am torn on how we should fill out the forms. The reason I say this is because it requests you put the names and birth dates of child/children and under each child listed you have to put your relationship if parent/guardian/custodian or alleged perpetrator. Now we all know DH had his rights taken from SD's sister years ago now, but BM hasn't changed the last name of the child or her birth certificate. Do we lie and put both SD and her sister down or just SD? Clearly DH was named the father of either SD or SD's sister or both 5 times which is why we got 5 request forms. BUT DH doesn't have rights to SD's sister so definitely feels like fraud to put the sister down.

Totally understand why BM is pissed, she thinks we have called CPS on her 5 times and she doesn't want SD spending more time with us because she thinks SD tells us stuff on these long visits and then we call CPS. Well BM, we haven't called CPS on you in almost 2 years now and that was the one and only time we have ever called.


CastleJJ's picture

Don't put sister's name down. You are trying to collect these forms for evidence in the event of a custody battle. Sister will be irrelevant in that. Just focus on SD and the allegations involving her. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

if they are coming to the house for either child should be relevant, but we sent 5 requests back if we only get 3 reports back then that tells us that they were about SD's sister and DH was named

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

but was unsure. On the legal and moral standpoint definitely just SD, but then on the nosiness and BM made her grave of not fixing anything she should of, want to put the sister down

Livingoutloud's picture

Yeah I understand. I'd do what others suggested. Include only SD but add a note explaining the situation with the sister. Can courts force her to make the changes snd stop listing him as a father. I hope school knows he's not the father!

ICanMakeIt's picture

You aren't a CPS worker - plausible deniability. It may be slightly shady but look who you are dealing with. When it comes to the well being of SD, whatever is going on even if it is directed to the other kid coukd and likely is affecting her too. Alls fair in love and war - maybe this will get BM to get off her ass and change things. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Regardless which child the call is being made about it effects both of them 

SteppedOut's picture

Only put sd down. 

But - you know there are 5 reports - during a custody case that could easily be located by attorney/used in your favor.

If it was me... 5 reports to CPS and how crappy sd is doing in school would have me hiring an attorney sooner rather than later. If she stays with BM she will get all messed up (in various ways).

ETA: I think I'd send a cover letter stating that sd is the only child he has. That way, if BM lied about the other kid being his, the case worker would be pointed in her lying direction. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I was trying to think how we could put that out there but tactfully. 

Uh, yeah very much looking like we will be getting an attorney. Just need to re talk to DH's old one to see where he is supposed to file, etc. Five in 14 months is really bad!!! 

notsurehowtodeal's picture

I would only put SD on the form, but include a letter explaining the circumstances, especially why the other child has DH's last name. I think he should provide details or it might look a little odd to whoever receives the forms.

Survivingstephell's picture

Yes. Do word it to call  her character into question. Call her mental stability into question too.  Using other daughter to do it.  Keeping DH connected to her is crazy.  


ESMOD's picture

I agree with not lying.  But, I would maybe call the office to clarify whether they are able to provide any details on a a case that involved the home of his daughter.. even if the CPS call did not originate regarding his daughter.  (anything that happens in that home technically invoves his daughter right?).  Like if it's the older sister's teacher contacted due to lice infestation.. his daughter lives in the home too.. and it would be relevant for him to know if kids, in general, in the home are being well cared for.

I would also assume any CPS visit would not omit his daughter since she is a resident, minor child.. 

but the cover letter with a brief explanation that the older girl was, at one time, considered his child until it was determined in court that he was not the biological father and his rights were terminated.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I think whether it was SD or the sister they are both named in the report because they both live in the home. The one time we called years ago, I remember the hot line asking us if there were any other minor children in the home and what their names were and who the biological parents were.

Yesterdays's picture

I agree to not put the sister but attach a brief letter stating the details. Make it professional, brief and concise. The facts are the facts. It makes sense to include the relationship, (or in this case, Non relationship) 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

because there are always questions whenever it is anything that involves both SD and SD's sister or people automatically assume because she has the same last name etc. so they share information they shouldn't not knowing that the sister is not DH's child

Harry's picture

Always works.  Does you and or SD has a relationship with SD sister?  If you do list her as a SC.  If not don't list her. 

Yesterdays's picture

It makes you wonder who it was that called CPS. The school maybe, or a friend's parent or neighbor?

Our BM had CPS called and it was the school. Due to my SS behavior and some startling things SS confided BM told him. We once considered calling Cps, my phone was on dial.... Decided not to at the last minute but looking back wish I did call.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Earlier on in mine and DH's relationship there is a time we should of called and regret we didn't because it could of totally changed everything, but it also might not of. 

I would guess it would be the school, the previous school had concerns about BM's house as well so it wouldn't surprise me if this school also has BM on their list of concerns.

ICanMakeIt's picture

is really a great idea. The truth is always the best route. My initial advice to list them both was fueled by the fact BM still has your DH listed on birth certificate so I'd assume according to CPS folks he would be entitled to the information. I was thinking it would be two birds one stone kinda thing and maybe irk her enough to finally fix it like she was supposed to eons ago.

I love Steptalk, it helps you vet ideas from several perspectives. I am so sad for both girls that things are so bad there are 5 freaking reports. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

to follow the CO to the absolute letter so finger pointing cannot be pointed in DH's direction and really in general try to be the best people we can be so fraudulently putting the sister down isn't a good idea. 

I agree that I would say if BM hasn't changed the last name or birth certificate and everyone assumes he is the father he should get the information, but we keep saying he isn't her dad, so then claiming her as his on that paperwork isn't a good idea.

OMG I know! I literally was shaking when i kept pulling out another request form and another request form until I got to 5.

Winterglow's picture

STick to the absolute truth. You don't want to do anything that could call your integrity into doubt.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

was wondering are the CPS calls because of SD or because of SD's sister? We are going to do a cover letter with the paperwork we have to mail back explaining the situation so DH isn't doing anything illegal, but is also providing an explanation if both girls are named on the reports with the same last name as him and he is only naming one of them.

Felicity0224's picture

Ugh. Five reports is a LOT, but particularly for such a short period. I would be beside myself. I'm so sorry y'all are dealing with this stress. Hopefully you'll get the details really soon. I know it's unlikely, but it's possible that BM has pissed someone off and that person is making unfounded reports against her. That's really the best case scenario. If it's a teacher or someone else who has a valid concern... then whatever's going on is definitely affecting SD whether the report was made on her behalf or not. 

If the caseworker is doing their job properly, SD will be named in the reports even if she isn't the subject of the reports because she's in the household. They likely will provide all the reports to you in any case for that reason, but will redact sd's sister's name if they realize DH isn't her father. As a CASA, I've had a couple of cases where my assigned kiddos' siblings were being handled as a separate legal case for a variety of reasons. When I receive reports from caseworkers, they'll redact the names of the kids who aren't part of the case I'm working with, if that makes sense. Even though I obviously know who the other kids are from talking to my kids, it's just the default procedure. I'm sure privacy laws vary by state, but I don't think you need to ask them specifically to redact or not - they'll have a policy on that they'll follow no matter what. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That is what I thought since we had to also name SD's sister when we made the report two years ago. I am sure no matter what we would request in redacting or not, they would just follow whatever the privacy laws are for the state like you are saying. So we shall wait and see what we get back. The requests, cover letter, and copy of DH's ID have offically been mailed so now it is just a waiting game on when we will get the reports back.