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BM actually sent the change of address

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Via mail and we received it today. I am surprised she actually sent it and it is post marked 30 days prior to their move. BM is either trying to overshare to make her look good or I don't know what, but it states:

"Myself, husband, daughter, and our child will be permanently residing at the below address. My husband and I have purchased a home with the intent to raise SD around family. Also allowing me to return to college and work fulltime." 

It is even notarized. Lots of excess information especially since it is in their CO about the ability to move out of VA, but whatever no complaints since we actually received it. 

Out of curiosity we googled the address. Just interesting based on what SD was saying about the house, how she will get her own room and there is a basement, etc. but it is a two bedroom home. Well at least SD may get some stability for once. Won't cross my fingers, but hopefully she will do more things she is supposed to do.


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

So there's a "mud room" that looks like a glasses in porch and a scary basement so I don't know how that works either!

Livingoutloud's picture

Is there something in the house that's not officially a bedroom but could be used like one?

My brother's house is officially a 2 bedroom house with a basement. But they have like a den or whatever it is called set up as a bedroom, Sun room/veranda that could be set up as a bedroom etc. Room in the finished basement etc They raised three kids in the house and they all had their own room even though only one room was officially called a bedroom.

Interesting enough that one of my nephews is adopted and when they had home study and people were checking his set up in the house, they had zero objections to his room set up in something that's not officially called a bedroom (he wasn't ab infant). 

Or are they planning on adding  something/remodeling/ building extra room? 

But these previous scenarios would likely be happening with normsm people. Not people like this BM 

It's likely BM is lying. Likely girls will share a room. Nothing wrong with that but why lie! 


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

A bedroom it must have 1. Ventilation, 2. A closet, and 3. A window 

There is a scary basement and a "mud room" that looks like a glassed in porch, but in the images looking like a laundry room.

Again, we don't care, but for SD to be so excited and told us numerous times she was gonna have her own room, etc. seems like none of the other spaces is ideal. It's a smaller square footage than our apartment we live in currently.

I agree, there isn't anything wrong with kids sharing a room especially when they have always shared a room, but it is the lying. From what I saw the bedrooms are super tight too. Maybe BM & her DH will be living in the creepy basement LOL

Livingoutloud's picture

Yeah she never thought you'd look it up so she thought of lying to the kid and you. "Nice". I hope they don't put kids in the mudroom  lol 


NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That would be terrible or the basement!

BM doesn't have an honest bone in her body. So your initial knee jerk reaction is always she is lying because 9 out of 10 times she is!

notarelative's picture

It's a two bedroom house. One bedroom for the adults. One bedroom for the two girls. 

In the talk leading up to moving, getting three bedrooms may have been discussed, but it didn't materialize. SD will be disappointed, but reality is that in many families, kids share a room. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

SD was saying it on the phone call just last week after SD had been already taken to the new house, etc. 

I am not saying there is anything wrong with it, just more confused on how that is possible

justmakingthebest's picture

You saw the listing pictures so if you are calling it creepy, I am sure it isn't properly finished. My son has a basement bedroom at his dad's but it is fully finished and beautiful. They have a whole family room, bathroom, kitchenette and bedroom down there. It's like an apartment. Maybe they have intentions of doing that when they get there, but who knows. 

BM2 has a 2 bedroom house that they illegally converted into 4. SS has no secondary egress in the case of a fire but no one seems to care but us. Whatever, I give up. 

I know this is just another source of irritation and frustration for you guys and I'm sorry BM can't just be honest and a good parent for her kids sakes. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

Basements can totally be finished and be beautiful and be extra space for a family to use/enjoy! Perhaps they do, I don't know and I don't care as long as SD is in a bedroom sharing with her sister or in a bedroom by herself and not in one of the other spaces that aren't actually a bedroom and a child shouldn't be using as a bedroom.

Ah, yeah that is not good! The egress and ventilation are two really important factors that constitute a space to be a bedroom!

Just going to wait and see what SD says when she comes for summer, at that point they have been living at that house for almost 2 weeks. I personally think they are probably moving sooner than the date BM gave and it is once school is actually out, but she realized she forgot to notify us in the 30 day time frame and we woudn't be able to know whether she moves sooner or not. 

advice.only2's picture

Good they gave you guys the address, as for the logistics of bedrooms not much can be done about it.  Spawn had to share a room with my BD at our house and Meth Mouth always took issue with that.  The reality was Spawn was only ever supposed to be an EOW kid, but we ended up raising her and I wasn't about to indebt myself into a house I couldn't afford just so Meth Mouth and Spawn would be appeased.  

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

At this point, I could care less if SD shares a bedroom, that is not our business. Just like it is not BM's business that we live in a 2 bedroom apartment and SD's room doubles as a guest room when SD is not here. Heck SD loves she has a queen size bed. I just feel bad if BM has been telling SD she was going to get her own room and is not and/or hope BM isn't trying to put SD or really either child in a space in the house that is not safe and/or appropriate for a child's bedroom. 

I really wanted to move out of our apartment into a 3 bedroom since we are trying to get pregnant, but then logistically, we will not have SD after the summer until spring break and since I am not pregnant yet, we would just be throwing money away on deposits, pet fees, etc. instead of saving that to put towards a home spring 2023. You do what makes sense, but you also need to be responsible and not put a young child in a basement or mud room as a bedroom. Not saying BM is going to do this, just based off the logistics of the house and what SD has said. We will see what SD says when we see her in 4 weeks

notsobad's picture

It's interesting what some people will consider a bedroom. Here we also need to have a closet and an egress window to be legally called a bedroom, I'm not sure about ventilation.

BM is a realtor and is selling her house. She's listed it as a 5 bedroom, 2 bedrooms upstairs and 3 down. The basement is closed off, has a separate entrance, and is currently rented out.

The master is upstairs but the second bedroom is just a large hallway from the garage. It has a laundry in a closet and another small closet space (with a cloth covering, no door) and a window. You could maybe fit a double in the space, no way a queen would fit. Plus, there is only one shower/tub on the main floor and that's in the master.

The skids have said she's frustrated that she hasn't gotten an offer and that people are so rude. They are no doubt not happy to find a second bedroom that isn't as advertised.

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

There are tons of other requirements like having a minimum ceiling height, minimum floor square footage, must be able to be temperature controlled, etc. I wouldn't be happy to see a house that is claiming to have another bedroom, but really isn't either. I don't know anything about real estate, but I am surprised that it is being allowed to be listed that way when it is definitely is not a bedroom at all.

Sounds like BM is trying to claim a pass through space as bedroom!

floralsm's picture

I know the feels of wanting to move. I seriously cannot wait to stop renting and get a house of our own and settle down properly. Toxic BM just built her new house and it's tiny. Housing here at the moment is ridiculously expensive so I'm not all surprised that's all she could afford. She still had to broadcast that to us and her 'new car'. Whatever haha.

I hope your SD enjoys her new home, regardless if she has her own bedroom or not. Also I want to send you a PM so I'll add you as a friend *smile*

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

That is kind of how we felt with the wording and such of the change of address notification. There was a bunch of extra info that was unneccessary to be in there it felt like, we bought a hoooommmmeeee, haha

I hope she does too and gets some stability in BM's home that has been lacking. 

I added you Smile

Housing in general is expensive especially when you own pets. We have spent almost $2,000 just in pet fees and deposits for where we currently live and only half of that is refundable when we move out. To move somewhere else for more room to rent another year was going to cost us like $5,000 to move and we were like thanks, but no thanks, rather save that money!