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A bit of an update on SD's tonsils

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

So for those of you who read the blogs regarding SD and her tonsils, SD had a second opinion appointment today. 

1. BM did not tell us SD had this appointment until we asked BM 

2. BM gave us the date of the appointment, but no time or other information until BM was asked yesterday

3. BM took SD to the appointment and then did not share any information about the appointment until messaged 3 hours after the appointment when BM did not send any information

Then finally when BM "shared" information regarding the appointment, all she said was that she was not given any paperwork, that the doctor told her she would receive it via email and that the doctor gave the same recommendation. DH then asked for information on who SD saw and BM sends a picture of a business card with 6 other doctors names followed by her saying how she went above and beyond to get this second opinion from a specialist recommended "in hopes DH would consider their recommendation." 

DH sends back "I am waiting on all paperwork from today's appointment first."

So who wants to take bets that BM does not actually follow up with the information from the doctor or she sends only a part of it? Either way, tomorrow morning DH is calling both specialists, as well as her pediatrician, and has already emailed SD's teacher (since BM has said that everyone else has witnessed these issues). Sorry BM your word does not count enough to make this decision and you are dumb if you think DH will agree easily when he has to pull teeth to get ANY information about SD medically. BM still has not provided any documentation showing this has been an issue prior to July 2021 either.

ALSO, unrelated, but DH DID get another job he starts this week and it is a MUCH better opportunity for growth and has better benefits than the last one so in reality it ended up way better for DH and our family what happened with his crazy boss.


Survivingstephell's picture

She's really relishing her power and control isn't she?  She's hoping DH will get so annoyed with her games that he will give up.  Have him call her on it and tell her that he is Not giving up until he has all the answers.  He really needs to stand up to BM if he wants this crap to end.   Before you say I don't get it, I do. My BM pulled similar games and my DH made it clear to her that he was the father, she made that choice and there were no take backs.  
Or .... he can just drop the rope and walk away from it all.   Your life will get easier but he will be a changed man.  Some good and some bad for him.  

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

the last discussion about SD's tonsils, DH reiterated to BM for the 100th time that they have joint custody, BM cannot make medical decisions on her own, etc. BM tried after that to say she NEVER said she decided SD was having the surgery, she was just sharing what the doctor said. Literally the first message says "SD will have her tonsils removed in x time." ..... like yes you did try telling DH that SD was having the surgery there was not intiation of discussion going on.

DH isn't going to drop the rope with SD like BM hopes he will if she makes things complicated. I will never understand how playing all these games make anyone's lives easier, even BM's. All the games and attempt at power plays do is waste everyone's time.

Thumper's picture

What is the current protocol for removal, do you know? One of our kids had Toncilitis over AND over AND over again. Poor thing, it was really awful. That was about 10years ago.

Here is the thing though..Doc's would not remove until patient had 7 flare UPS in a row in a small window of time. They still have their tonsils and they are adults.

Mine on the other hand were removed when I was 5.

All the reminders in the world will not make BM do the right thing. Heck maybe not even a Judge putting the hammer down.  Some bm's just don't care to include dads in anything. So, you have to play whack a mole. Avoid getting in to it with her and be proactive.

 Call her ped's office and ask to speak to the nurse about treatment plan and follow up. As your sd goes into school, same thing. Proactive. As much as humanly possible.



NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

is that SD has to of had 7 throat or tonsil infections in a year or 5 of these infections in 2 years. BM has never provided any proof of these infections and when all that was brought up to BM she doesn't respond to that, just goes on this whole list of issues that SD has had for years apparently that are not infections, but has provided no medical documentation for or told DH about. If you go back to my blogs I detailed all of that.

DH is waiting to hear back for SD's teacher and her peditrician to find out if any of this is accurate and BM is withholding information or if it is BM who has only seen these things. DH and I believe since SD does not have any of those symptoms here that perhaps SD is allergic to something in BM's house or something. 

Someone else on here brought up a good point that doctors may be more inclined to say for the surgery, but then insurance probably would deny coverage since SD does not meet the criteria for the removal

Winterglow's picture

He might mention to the doc that as bm is the only one who has e e ever seen any of the symptoms, to his knowledge at least, he worries that she might have a touch of the Munchause Munchhausen's... And leave that hanging before adding "strictly off the record, of course. " Just sow a little doubt... 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

I had told him since the last doctor's notes listed the reasoning for SD getting her tonsils removed was based off what "the mother explained" and to make it known when you speak to the doctors that you have not seen any of this and SD has never complained about any of it either.

BM claims SD was allergy tested further at the appointment yesterday and the doctor also said SD needs her tonsils taken out, but no info on what she was tested for nor any paperwork backing up any of it

Survivingstephell's picture

What's the Covid risk in that area?  Hospitals over flowed with Covid cases and a surgery like this might be put on the back burner?   
I also think BM is doing this to keep DH on the puppet strings. 

NotYourAverageStepMama's picture

DH brought that up and said if DH cared at all about covid that SD would never of been on the plane in July/August to come see him... Like BM surgery and a plane ride are totally different things and we know you would love if DH would cancel SD's visitation so it can continue the narrative that DH doesn't care and is not involved like she tries to spin