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SD12 making life hell

Notthesameguy's picture

I got married to my wife (BM)with SD15, SD5 and SD4. I had to deal with the first SD15-18 and her bs of being rude, mean, ignoring and manipulating...BM did nothing to squelch her behavior. Thank goodness she went off to college. Now I have been dealing with the younger two playing mom against me and BM lets them. I end up always being the villian, defending myself. Most recently a little thing(aren't they always!) of just asking SD12 (was SD5) to pass me the remote for the tv. She ignored me at first, like she never heard me. Then when BM asked her if she heard me she said she did and gave me the "screw you" look and threw the remote at me. BM said SD12 had just started getting into that series and wanted to watch it. (defending her as always) I said, No biggie.. all she had to do was say so, not just sit there and ignore me until her BM intervened!!! This is getting sooooooo old!! I got mad and went to the basement to watch tv. BM told her to go down and say sorry.. When she did, she came down with her head down and mumbled a barely audible "sorry" I asked her why she kept ignoring me everytime I talked to her and all she did was shrug her shoulders. I told her that ignoring me is the same as telling me "Screw You!" She went upstairs and told her mom what I said and her mom defended her saying I was an adult and shouldnt talk to them that way. Why can't BM be a wife and a mother? Why does she have to either be a wife or a mother?


unhappy2happy's picture

Notthesameguy,, OMG I am so sorry... What I am finding after all these years based on the great advice I have received here... MAKE YOUR WIFE STICK UP FOR YOU.. And disrespect will not be tolerated.. not from the Skids, MIL, SIL, or EX. This has to come from her mouth in front of the Skids....I finally had to tell my DH, I had had enough and was thisclose to packing my bags... Guess what?? he finally is defending me... Wish I had done this long ago.... You have to have a united front or you will be unhappy for a long time....

Good luck to you...

rocknahardplace31's picture

Wow-are you sure we are not the same person? I was showing one SD some videos and you tube and saying how much I loved the songs and the other SD just kept saying how stupid the were and how they sucked. I just told her if it was that bad she could go away and she went and told her dad how mean I was and started crying.It's a lot of passive aggressive digs and behavior, and when I do address it now or say anything it gets blown waaayy out of proportion. And when I do finally stand up to it or mention it my husband he always has a defense for them. And we end up arguing!

stepmom2one's picture

she can be a wife and mother. She just isn't willing to or can't figure it out. I would ask her some night, in bed, when you are speaking about the kids. Find out, if she isn't willing to or doesn't know what you mean you could be in deeper than you thought.

If she says she is trying or thought she was then there is at least something to start from. We all have trouble finding our way through blended families, but after 7 yrs I am sure you were hoping things would be figured out by now. But let me say that I have been with my DH for 7 yrs, I just found my way about 2 yrs ago. And as you read here there are people that have been in it for longer that still have not found what works best to keep them sane! lol It is a struggle, for sure.

I think she defends becuz she thinks you do not love or care for the girls. Deep down inside she doubts it. So she feels the need to "save" them and make excuses about her children to make you see them in a better light.

Everytime she does this I would point it out. In a way that only you two will know what you are talking about--a agreed upon signal. That way she will be more aware of what she is doing and you have a way of letting her know with out having to stew about it till bedtime.

Teenagers are tough but your wife is making it harder than it needs to be.