It's the little things... why can't they?
So when my husband and I married, he and his two children (girl - 11 and boy - 
had been staying/living with his parents. They had lived there for a couple of years. His reasoning was that he worked, and since their mother is a POS, he needed assistance with them after school and such. I understand. So his mother watched them daily for him after school and such.
Now we are married and moved about 15 miles away from his mother, nothing too far. We planned to hit the gym tonight, but I just remembered that tonight the girls (his D and my D) have a dance at their old school, so we will be dropping them off. Since we made plans I was trying to think of a way to keep them, so I asked him if maybe his mom would watch the boy for about 2 hours. This way he and I could hit the gym together as we planned... instead of asking his mom and dad to watch him, he just planned and entirely diff thing. Something about letting the kid sit there while we work out (which I don't think the gym is gonna let fly). I don't get it. Why was it ok for her to watch the kids for YEARS, but now that we have something to do (or when I am off of work, summers, holidays, etc) she can't or shouldn't be bothered? He could just freaking ask her... I know it's not HER responsibility, but it's not MINE either. My child will be at a dance, and Friday evening gym evenings are usually my thing.
Am I wrong here?
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Have you asked him??
Have you asked him??
Yes.. I am the one who told
Yes.. I am the one who told him he would need to find someone if he wants to go to the gym with me. Otherwise, I will just go after the dance.
You're not wrong. Your DH
You're not wrong. Your DH needs to pay a babysitter to watch his kids versus assuming the women in his life will do it for him. Or assuming that he can cancel plans because he doesn't want to hassle with finding a sitter.
He needs a bigger babysitting network. I'd tell him you are disappointed that he hasn't found a solution to allow for nights off that aren't just his mother.
Give the kid a phone/pad or
Give the kid a phone/pad or their homework or a book they will be entertained while you work out at the gym. If they have a problem with it the people at the gym will soon tell you, call them before hand and ask if you want to plan. Or if he is old enough drop him off at the library for an hour or two if it's open. If there is nowhere for the boy to go then your husband can stay home with him and you can go to the gym.
I could see asking mil for some favours sometimes but this one seems unnecessary and last minuite. I would save up the favour asking for when there are not alternatives and it is more pressing than going to the gym together.
Clearly mom doesn't feel like
Clearly mom doesn't feel like she is obligated any longer to be on call when he has someone.. YOU... to help him with the kids.
A lot of people.. will consider you just as obligated to care for his kids.. "they come with the package".. my MIL was a bit like that.
In reality.. he should probably be planning out further.. but not sure what the age of the boy is..and how independent he can be.
I can tell you that my son
I can tell you that my son would not be brave enough to call me for this favor. I'm not his babysitter. I have the grands often and love having them. But it's on my mind terms and when I ask.
Being your MIL just had her adult son crash in on her, with two kids for her to care for 24/7, i"d tell Sonny a big ''no' if he called me wanting to drop off R for a couple hours while he went to he gym.
But my tirade to Sonny would have nothing to do with you.Abolutely nothing.. It's not your place to babysit his kids either. You need to hand him his notebook and tell him to start building his real babysitters.
Now that we have moved, she
Now that we have moved, she hasn't had them at all. It's been about two months. And while I agree that it is NOT her responsibility to watch them, I just wonder why he didn't ask. I specifically reminded him about the girl's dance (once I remembered today) and said if HE wants to go with me to the gym, HE needs to find someone. I did ask him to see if she could have the 8-year-old over for about an hour or so. (The dance only lasts for 2 hours). And yea, my MIL thinks that since I married her son, I automatically am their caregiver, babysitter, mother substitute, etc... She's said as much before. Yet, I am not sure why she feels that I should be - in her own situation, her skids weren't there full-time, so she only dealt with them every other weekend... she has NO idea what I deal with mentally having kids thrust into my lap. (but my issues with her are a whole other discussion...LOL).
He probably didn't ask either
He probably didn't ask either because he agrees with his mom that it is your mutual responsibility to find a sitter and/or his mother told him she was done being the sitter. Or he feels guilty asking her (and to a certain extent he should feel guilty). Or he's not good at making last-minute changes to his plans and coming up with a good plan of action. Or he hates going to the gym and now he has an excuse not to go.
You're talking out of both sides of your mouth. If it's not her responsibility, then it doesn't matter that he didn't ask her.
Maybe I should've been clear.
Maybe I should've been clear... when I said why can't they in the subject line - I did not mean the ILs watch the kids. I meant the kids dad (and other parents) listen and handles their own business. Wasn't trying to sound like I was 'talking out of both sides of my mouth.'
And yea, my MIL thinks that
And yea, my MIL thinks that since I married her son, I automatically am their caregiver, babysitter, mother substitute, etc... She's said as much before.
It's time that MIL gets a reality check of your role in your step kids life. She isn't obligated to watch her grand kids but you're not obligated to play mommy either and both your H and MIL need to understand that ASAP. Not sure where they got this thinking but they have been misinformed.
Hope all works out well for you OP.
Our gym has day care on site.
Our gym has day care on site. You could join similar type of gym.
It’s not his moms job to watch SS on short notice.
Going to gym together isn’t any kind of big importance. You can go separate or find a babysitter or join different gym.
The reason why DH didn’t ask his mom could be anything: doesn’t care about gym or doesn’t care about going whth you or doesn’t think it’s appropriate to keep bugging his mom etc etc It doesn’t matter what MIL thinks. You aren’t married to her