“Loyalty makes you family”
I recently read a quote that said: “Loyalty makes you family.” I agree. Blood doesn’t make you family. I grew up with many uncles (my mom’s brothers) but my favorite uncle has always been my dad’s best friend! My DH’s parents are backstabbing control freaks who we do not associate with at all, but my parents would do almost anything for him and SD. My high school best friend is not a friend - she is my sister, and I’m confident that she always will be.
I think that one of the best qualities that a person can have is loyalty. Loyalty to your family, your children, your marriage, your job, your goals, your friends... everything.
My children are very loyal. My mother will say bad things about me around my kids and they get mad about it and defend me. They don’t allow people to say anything negative about my DH because he is the active father in their life and they are appreciative of that. I love that my kids have their own opinions and aren’t afraid of voicing them (respectfully, of course). They’re not followers. They aren’t ass kissers. They aren’t fake. I feel like they have my back just like I have theirs. I truly trust my children.
SD, on the other hand, is a follower. She is an ass kisser. She is the fakest kid I’ve ever known. She is the most two faced, disloyal human I’ve ever come across. She is almost 10 and I’ve raised her full time with DH since she was a toddler. She calls me mom and refers to the useless BM by her first name (she lives out of state and sees her 3 to 4 times per year for about a week each visit and BM doesn’t even call her - EVER). SD has nothing good to say about BM or psycho grandma. But when she’s with them, she calls us and sounds really happy like she’s having a blast (which is good - we don’t want her to be miserable over there). I’ve told her to stop talking crap on them because it makes HER look ridiculous and fake. We’ve told her to just be real and stop trying to say what she thinks people want to hear. I have no idea what she says about us when she’s over there, but she does call and say things like, “Hi mommy! I miss you! I love you!” right in front of her BM. At the same time, she comes home and cheerfully says things like, “Psycho grandma said that you’re ugly!” She seems unbothered even though I’m the one who has been here for her every single day. If someone said that about me to my children, they would be pissed! SD likes who is right in front of her at that very moment. She likes whoever is doing something for her at that time. She has no sense of true loyalty. It makes her untrustworthy, in my opinion.
Now I know that some will say, “She’s only 9!” But my own children are not much older than her and they have always been sooo incredibly loyal to those who have earned and deserve their loyalty. MY DH EVEN ADMITS THAT. He calls SD a “nomad.” She doesn’t seem to have any real connection or attachment to anyone. She is constantly acting. You never know when she is being genuine or just saying/showing what she thinks the person in front of her wants to hear/see.
My DH seems to think that she is going to grow up and miraculously learn what loyalty is (along with empathy, modesty, and everything else that she currently lacks). I don’t though. I see her turning her back on us as a teen if we don’t let her go to that party or date that boy or buy that outfit. She will most likely continue to get what she wants by giving people what they want to hear and see. At the age of 9, it’s all about making people happy so that she can get the most out of them. I can only imagine how she will be as a teen.
Loyalty is so important. It’s HUGE. I’m just curious to know how others feel about loyalty.