The title of this blog is meant to be funny, but it’s also true. I was so relieved to find a website “where stepparents come to vent” because there literally isn’t ONE person in my life that is in my shoes. Not ONE. I know other stepparents, but none of them are in a situation that is remotely close to mine. I’ve realized that other stepparents don’t even understand where I’m coming from because for one, they don’t know me or my SD (obviously) and for two, they only have their stepkids a handful of days per month.
There are so many times... probably daily... that my SD makes me, my kids, and even her father shake our heads in confusion. She is a complete ditz. An airhead. She does everything without thinking. She does the dumbest crap and then giggles like it’s just sooo cute when we call her out on it. I’ve seen her BM act like that when we’ve gone to court. She talks like she’s brainless and she acts like it’s cute. SD gets good grades in school, but in LIFE, she acts like she completely lacks common sense. Why, oh, why?!
There was a comment on my last blog that kind of made me feel like I had to explain my reason for staying with my DH. The comment wasn’t rude or anything... it was worded respectfully, but it got me thinking! I see so many of us here complaining about how we don’t like our stepkids or how our partner is a bad parent or how the BM causes problems, etc. So, why do YOU stay?
For the first time in a while, I actually felt like my DH and I were on the same “team.” He actually recognized his daughter’s manipulative behavior and understood how it affects me and why it bothers me so much. He was actually genuinely bothered by it, too! He actually admitted that he sees who she is growing up to be. The only thing is that he feels like she can change her ways and I disagree. She is like a miniature version of her useless BM and she would have to alter her entire personality and perspective... it’s not just one or two things to improve on.
Am I the only one with a SD that constantly makes the “everyone feel sorry for me” face? She does this ALL the time. But most especially when my mother is around. We all happened to be at the same place this morning and she didn’t eat her breakfast but she wanted chips and candy. She was told that she couldn’t have any without eating her breakfast first, so she sat and did her overused, ugly, super pathetic “everyone feel sorry for me” face. My mother babies her to no end and literally TELLS ME AND HER FATHER how things are going to go.
In my short time here on StepTalk, I’ve realized that there are quite a few of us who talk about the SDs that don’t seem to FEEL anything. The SDs who only say what they think people want to hear. The SDs who only care about whoever is in front of them or doing something for them. The two faced, fake SDs who constantly put on a show. The SDs who act as though people are just a means to an end. The SDs who have no sense of loyalty. The SDs who are like robots that say and do what they are “programmed” to do. The SDs who truly only care about themselves.
...do you think that your relationship would be better? Much different than it is now? Would you love him or her more?
I recently read a quote that said: “Loyalty makes you family.” I agree. Blood doesn’t make you family. I grew up with many uncles (my mom’s brothers) but my favorite uncle has always been my dad’s best friend! My DH’s parents are backstabbing control freaks who we do not associate with at all, but my parents would do almost anything for him and SD. My high school best friend is not a friend - she is my sister, and I’m confident that she always will be.
...does that mean that I’m going to hate the way that she is as a teenager?
SD will be 10 next year and she clearly exhibits so many traits of her BM (who she is rarely ever around). She is disloyal, fake, robotic-like in the way that she responds to things (says what people want to hear), dramatic, self absorbed, dishonest, an airhead, super gross (can’t even pee without getting piss on the seat or the floor), constantly seeks attention, obnoxiously loud, always tries so hard to be “cute,” and the list goes on...
Last night around midnight, I walked out of my bedroom and SD (almost 10) stood in the hallway looking like a deer caught in headlights. I asked her what she was doing and she said she was in the bathroom because she was thirsty. I was confused, but she went to her room and that was that. This morning, I asked her what she was doing and she said that she put her mouth on the faucet to drink water from the bathroom sink. The kitchen is LITERALLY around the corner from the bathroom. Some of you may disagree, but I think that’s stupid. Makes no sense to do that.