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My Birthday

notsobradybunch's picture

Yesterday was my birthday. No big deal. I'm perfectly content for it to slide by quietly. I met BD18 near her college campus for lunch which was nice. Then DH & BS17 took me to dinner and BS17 surprised me with a homemade cake, which I thought was very sweet. It hit me this morning that I never heard from SD18. Not surprised and not really worried about it. I didn't send her any birthday wishes when she turned 18 and was "on the run". And neither did DH for that matter.

At dinner we discussed our after Christmas plans. DH & I are going out of town a few days after Christmas and won't return home until New Years Day. I've made it clear in separate conversations with DH that its a trip just for him and I and the dogs. Get thru Christmas and chill. BD18 is working while on her break, BS17 will be working at his grandparents farm while on his break. I have not even touched on the possibility of SD18 joining us because ITS NOT AN OPTION PERIOD. 

So AGAIN, DH says.."We're not taking anybody with us on this trip?" NOPE. No we're not. Its just you and me and the dogs. There's no room at The Inn. I know this will eventually head towards DH bringing SD along. I know this! If she is mentioned I will politely tell DH that he and SD18 can plan their own camping trip another time. I will not entertain this kid, I will not cook for this kid, I will not make room for this kid. She's had a 6 month plus vaca from school and life when she ranaway from home. If she so desperately needs a vacation she can do this with him. Never mind the fact she has been so ridiculously spoiled by GMA and GPA at this point that I don't even want to think about having to take care of her in the manner she's now accustomed. I will not do it. 

I've told DH many times now at this point, I'm not in the Christmas spirit and don't even want to deal with it. I'm looking forward to getting thru it and heading to the beach. My first Christmas without either of my parents and I'm just not in the mood.


Siemprematahari's picture

Happy Birthday!!! Wishing you many, many more.

If you do not want SD to go please be clear with your H that no one else but you, him, and the dogs will be going on this trip. Make sure that he understands this. The fact that he even questioned it makes me wonder, so be clear and make sure there is no room for him to make assumptions or misunderstand that this is about you two & no one else.


notsobradybunch's picture

Thank you! I honestly don't know how to be any more clear than I already have. Other than saying SD18 WILL NOT BE COMING.

beebeel's picture

Didn't he bring her along on the last camping trip, even though it was a last minute addition against your wishes? I hope the fact that the other kids are staying behind will deter him from pulling the same shit.


notsobradybunch's picture

Thank you! And yes thats me! I was thinking this as well, but now I'm beginning to wonder if this makes him think Well now we've got space for her. No, we don't. And I've made that perfectly clear also by saying Us & THREE dogs, we're packed. Our camper is not big. It technically sleeps 3, The sofa pulls down to create a bed but its small. SD18 is larger than me and I don't fit comfortable on it to lay down. I just want to bang my head against a wall sometimes.

ESMOD's picture

Happy Birthday.. Stick to your guns on the trip.  It's ok to have things for just the two of you..

notsobradybunch's picture

Thank you and I will. I'm just like Damn everything has to be such a freaking issue...geezzzz


thinkthrice's picture

playing on H's ego may work.   Although I'd be hard pressed to say this anymore to Chef as so much shit has transpired.

"H, I want you ALL TO MYSELF!!" 

This worked back in the day when Chef would want to drag skids along to EVERYTHING and he absolutely REFUSED to go anywhere as a couple.  "I'll stay home; my kids neeeeeeed me and I don't seeeeee them that often!"

Editor's note:

"that often" meaning 24/7--why the hell did you get divorced then??!!

Step-girlfriend's picture

Why on earth does he think an 18yr old has to come on every f**king trip??? No! No no no! For the love. It's not like the trip is more fun because she is there, and she is too old to be included in everything. Kids shouldn't be included in everything anyway!

Happy Birthday, I hope your gift is that he never actually says the words "Maybe we could invite SD" out loud!

notsobradybunch's picture

Exactly!!! And thank you!

I think it all goes back to #1 - Guilty Parenting. Even at 18, he is still "attempting" to do this. Even though he never sees her, even though he very rarely speaks to her, even though he has no idea whats going on in her life, with her school work, with her grades. Nothing. He knows nothing that is going on with his own child. He can make up for all of that by squeezing her into our trips. NO!!!!! And again, I can totally forecast the trip, SD18 comes along, I cook for her, I constantly move HER things around the camper because she leaves her crap EVERYWHERE and you can't do that in such a small space. She'll (again) wear the same clothes over and over and over so she'll smell, which is absolutely no fun in a camper or any tight space. DH will have to take the time (because I refuse) to run all over the place to buy her a souvenir. Which last trip I discovered was a $60 hoodie that had ZERO connection to the place we actually visited. I just want to SCREAM - STOP TREATING HER LIKE SHE IS FIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Merry's picture

You made it clear that you are looking forward to just the two of you and the pups. You really think he'll try to bring SD along?

Dang, if he does that I'd not be going on the trip. It's perfectly fine for you to say "I don't WANT anybody else to go along." Period. What is so freakin' hard to understand about that?

notsobradybunch's picture

Oh yes, I'm definitely prepared to stay home. I will not do this again. Last time I let it slide because we had a lot of money invested and BS17 went. This time I will not participate.

thinkthrice's picture

Can you get DH drunk as a skunk, have him doze off,  ask SD to go out to find some item outside the camper then floor it?  Report her as a runaway. .  after all she has a track record of this.

(ok I'm just kidding but one can fantasize)

thinkthrice's picture

Cannibis?  Not that I am openly condoning getting wasted. . .