This is slowly erupting..
DH is a little offended. And to be honest, so am I...but not completely surprised. I warned DH yesterday that as confident as he is that SD19 would be running back home, I was not. My thoughts are that she has been controlled by these people for almost 2 years. She will not break away from them so easily. Especially when time and time again, we were made out to be the bad guys. And thats putting it nicely. But DH did make a valiant attempt. And for good reason. She's in a bad situation and has been for awhile.
SO. My warning was left on deaf ears of course and thats ok. I know I was right. We briefly discussed with SD because her car was in such bad shape mechanically and in Roommate's Mother's name, that part of the "deal" would be getting her into a reliable car. Mind you we've already done this once. The first car was trashed, she ranaway, we had to get the police involved to get the car back and so on. It was not a good situation.
Yesterday I found a decent car online, SD's payments would be MUCH lower than what she is paying now. And in my opinion its a very nice used car. Nicer than what I had at her age. I text the info to DH who later shared it with SD19 to show her, Look at this car and the payments are half of what you're paying now. A good, clean, reliable car. He got no reply. He called her last night to ask if she got the text with the car info. She said Yes, and then went on to talk about getting the car she's driving fixed..blah blah blah. Basically backing out of everything that was discussed with her on Sunday. EVERYTHING. DH again made an effort asking why she wants to live this way but said she had an answer/excuse for everything. And he told her he wasn't going to beg her to return. And thats pretty much how the conversation ended. I know DH felt defeated.
We spoke little about the conversation and he said he's still trying to figure out what to do for her about the car and he's concerned for her safety. Brakes are shot and steering wheel is very wobbly. And thats a tough call. I did state that I refuse to help her AGAIN with another car that we will have to insure in our names for her to live in the same situation, not going to school and driving Roommate and her BF everywhere they want to go, smoking weed and selling Xanax and whatever else they may be doing. I want NO part of it.
We haven't spoke about it again. My thoughts are to have SD20 take the car to our mechanic who is also a good friend. Allow him to determine costs for repair (if its repairable) and then allow her to make those arrangements with him directly. If she's determined to stay in that situation, with that car then she needs to do this on her own. If she doesn't take it to him, then thats on her. I have not shared this thought with DH yet.
I am willing to help anyone who is willing to help themselves. So far, she's telling me she's not willing to help herself get out of that situation.