Relieved....to find this site. My SS drives me insane..
This is my first post. I recently decided to become a member. I have been searching and searching for an outlet to vent my troubles and frustrations out. Especially somewhere with a lot of people with the same feelings & worries as myself. I have actually read a lot of blogs on this site and it's made me feel not so alone. Here is the issue, I am a "step-mother" I still have issues coming to terms & acceptance of this title. Even introducing my SS I typically say my DH's son. DH and I recently had a baby of our own. Which I believe heightened a lot of my feelings and issues with my SS. He is almost 4 years old and he is very smart but knows how to "play the system" DH and BM got pregnant on the first date. Then BM cheated on DH and left DH for the man she cheated on him with. SS was still an infant, he doesn't know a life where he didn't go to BM or DH's house. SS is terrible at following rules, listening, throwing toys (on purpose), and acting out. CONSTANTLY. I feel guilty bc I use to not be so bothered by my SS because I've been a part of his life since he was 2. It's just since I've had my LO he seems even more disobedient. He doesn't listen to DH or anyone. He acts like he makes the rules. He bites and hits people. We have tried recorrecting the behavior & right when things get better he goes back to BM. I'm exhausted I stay home with LO and DH provides for us (thankful for that) but I am ALWAYS dreading now when SS is due to come over. He just makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up & I count the days down till he goes back to BM. I felt / feel extremely guilty about this and it's been hard to process. But, being a SM is something I knew I was signing up for but it's still hard when BM does not communicate or try to parent / keep some consistentancy. We didn't get him officially potty trained till almost 3 because BM kept bringing him back in diapers. So it's constantly like starting over & since I SAH with LO I spend the majority of the time with SS and I'm always dreading it. I feel bad but I just don't like my SS. I love him and I care about his well being but I don't enjoy being around him. He is mean to me, hits me, yells at me, tells me no constantly and says he doesn't have to listen to me. We suspect BM saying these things to him because BM and I do not get along. Because I simply told her to stop calling DH and screaming at him for nothing. Bc she had a bad day and wanted to let her anger out. In which she said some awful things to me and I simply said well, you left him. I married him. I'm his wife. You are just the mother to your son. So, unless you have to discuss something about him. You don't need to bitch him out. I'm at a loss of what to do. I've read a lot that's it's normal to not have the parental bond with SC and I'm worried when LO gets older I will have issues on "favoring". In reality how do you not favor your own child VS a SS who hits, yells, bites and tells you he hates you often?