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OMG - I think I just started WWIII

notasm3's picture

I logged onto FB. I ended up in DH's account - since I post stuff for him all the time.

First thing up was a meme from SS32 about how if you want something get off your ass and earn it.

I could not resist. (And I've had a beer). I posted - Yeah - earn it. Don't break into your father's home and steal his wife's stuff.

fyi - here's his latest profile picture

Not that many years ago he was actually a very handsome man. This is what your brain looks like on drugs.


witch.hazel's picture

Whoa.....but he deserved it for posting something like that after what he did. How could you resist?

notasm3's picture

Yeah I really could not resist. I really tried not to do it - but I just could not help myself. I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

notasm3's picture

DH was out walking the dog when this went down. SS called and whined. DH was mad as a wet hen. But I did not emotionally react. My response - "Did I say anything that was not true?" DH's response was that I had made it public and he wanted it taken down.

But I don't give a shit. I talked to him for quite some time so it stayed up. Here's my thing - I can live a great life with or without DH. If he wants to support SS32 - then go for it. I don't need either of them.

I love my life with DH - but I have never put myself in a position where I needed a man. There is always a "next" option.

Disneyfan's picture

There's a huge difference between being strong enough to not put up with crap from a man and shitting on a man because you are in a better financial position than he is.

What you did may have felt good, but you hurt your husband. The fact that you don't care should be a red flag for him.

notasm3's picture

DH is LIVID - talking about how I never liked SS, etc. I have been so calm.

Here's my thing - SS is a POS - fact. I do not need SS or DH in my life to have a good life.

WTF...REALLY's picture

He simply should not be pissed. What his son did was inexcusable and your husband should be simple embarrassed that his son is like this. I don’t blame you for finally snapping.

JustAgirl42's picture

I don't blame you either. His son shits all over you and then you state something that is true. Oh well.

Poor baby has to run to daddy and tattle.

Cooooookies's picture

So if it's your DH's Facebook account why doesn't he just log in and delete the comment?

He really just wants someone to vent to and that's going to be you. Instead of facing head on what a drugged up loser his own son is and how true your comment was, he'll just bury his head in the sand and make it all your fault so he can pretend that his little precious poopsie isn't as F'd up as he really is.

Typical Disney dad mentality.

Dovina's picture

Oy only a face a father can love.
Good for you notasm3 I think the public humiliation is what's needed for a despicable thief, user, and a total rummie. You have been calm , cool collected this entire time since they raped your house. About time! Your answer to DH when he says you never liked SS should be "what's to like?" Your DH would have no answer to that.

twoviewpoints's picture

Uh-oh, NotaSM3. You needed to have said something (perhaps via phone) to SS a long time ago when this happened. You let it fester too long.

Nope, what you wrote is totally true and SS's post was just begging out for the come back... I totally 'get' the temptation to whack him over the head with his reality. But it's FB and it's not the appropriate place to air grievances. SS is lucky you didn't report the break-in when it occurred , had the police come and finger dust and the whole bit. Then that pic would be a mug shot instead of a drunken dope hamming it up for the camera. The whole town could have then read the public newspaper police report.

I would not apologize for finally confronting the SS to DH, but I would tell my DH I choose the time and place wrong. You don't have to like your SS. H*ll, what's to like about SS. However posting on Dh's FB?

Oh well, it's done now. No more hidden family secret that Dh's son is a dirt bag. And I'm sure it felt wonderful to have finally called the *ss out. Too bad you couldn't have seen SS's shocked and horrified face when he read your response.

JustAgirl42's picture

Normally I would agree that FB is not the place, but it could have, and should have been, much worse for him---->MUGSHOT.


TexasPickles's picture

Good for you! Was dh this angry after you scummy SS broke into your home and trashed it? No. I don't believe he was. Asshat.

oneoffour's picture

DH is embarrassed he has not handled this better and is deflecting. He could have reamed his son a new one back in March. He could have insisted on calling the cops and reported the break-in. But no. He has had 7 mths to address this issue with his son but hasn't done so. So now you have dealt with it the way it has been. He has been outed and shamed. And now we carry on.

If DH is angry ask him how angry that his son has done nothing to replace your stolen items. How angry is he that his son and gf violated his bed and had sex on the same bed he sleeps in?

Too bad so sad... carry on.

Livingoutloud's picture

Ouch. He looks terrible.

Honestly I think he needed to be confronted when that happened. And police report filed. They could actually have been arrested for breaking in and stealing.

But then again my exSD routinely stole from us and ruined our things. Including my personal things. No amount of telling her changed that. And dad never went for drastic measures. It was all talk. Hence I had enough and he is an ex.

Your DH never dealt with the situation and obviously it never went away. When something is unresolved it eventually comes back to bite everyone involved. YourbDH us in
The wrong for not addressing it

Why DH can't delete it though? It is his page

twoviewpoints's picture

I might be wrong, but I get the feeling OP's DH is not much of a computer nor social media person. My own Dh would not have a clue as to find FB let alone do something about anything he saw on it. LOL. My Dh has chosen to be a computer ignorant person. It's not that he could not actually learn, he has no desire. Get this, my DH insist on a dinosaur flip top cellphone that calls and texts. Refuses to send text, but will manage to read one if I send him one.

I imagine OP's DH has a Fb page to connect with family and OP does the work for him to do so. Post pics, make short post ect. Nothing wrong in that.

I'm hoping OP's Dh has settled down by this morning and realizes what a violation the break-in and use of her personal home and possessions the incident was for OP. I mean, who'd of thought some grown *ss woman would come into your home with her grown *ss husband and play house in your home? Eewww. Snoop through your drawers and closets, have sex on your mattress, help themselves to your food. Disgusting. And the pig (SS) just went on as normal as if it were no big deal.

mtnwife530's picture

twopointsofview, pat your dh on the back! My dh refuses to even GET A CELL PHONE! And he couldn't call 911 on mine to save his own life! Doesn't know how to turn it on, or off, let alone answer it! He doesn't have a debit card either!

Curious Georgetta's picture

I agree that what the stepson did was both wrong and criminal. No justification for those actions.

However, the Op had every opportunity to go to the
police and let the law enforcement system deal with this situation. She chose not to go that route and to be angry with her husband because he like herself chose to deal with the situation in his own way. Not excusing the husband - just saying that 2 adults made their own decisions and neither is willing to accept that the other had the same right.

The poster has had many months to say to her SS whatever she wanted to say and I would imagine that she has.

However, posting on her husband's FB page and creating the impression that the message was from her husband was very wrong. If she wanted to send That response, she should have signed her name and made it clear that the message came from her and not the dad.

Both the poster and the stepson made the husband /father a victim of their bad actions.

Vindictive actions are not to be applauded as a solution to any problem.

Dovina's picture

This is hardly vindictive. In fact it was helpful. Maybe the little shi* will have a teeny tiny sense of embarrassment, and he should. Public shaming for a criminal IMO is justifiable. He got away with criminal activity. This jerk could have charges on his record, he is lucky he doesn't. A FB post like this, is small and meaningless in the scheme of things.
I do not get todays world where people are worried about offending disrespectful, vile behavior, that crossed the boundaries of the law. Then label the well deserved ( and not big enough) retaliation as vindictive.

queensway's picture

Vindictive actions. I know what her SS did is very vindictive. Breaking in to her home is not only vindictive it is down right criminal.

queensway's picture

It is obvious that what your SS did to you and your home has deeply hurt you. You felt and still feel invaded. And it is evident that your DH doesn't realize your deepest feelings about what SS did. By posting on facebook what your SS did is letting your feelings out to SS. Although your husband is angry over this he will see how his son has upset you and he will move on. Just another day in step life. In a way you are letting both of these men know how you feel. And you have every right to feel this way. If this is the way to let them know so be it!

somethingwicked's picture

I think that is hilarious.
I totally understand your moment of
Vengeance Is Mine! Said the beer!


TooDamnBad if your DH got his nose outta joint.He's lucky you did not kick him in the crotch and put his Johnson outta joint when his son robbed you and DH advocated it with his mealy mouth silence.

And ,OMG, does not StepSlob32's mug look Supremely Vacuous?
I truly feel sorry for that grand child being raised by the Village Idiot and his Slut.
They'll be teaching the kid the fine art of pick pocketing before he can walk.

Sure ,you could have called the police but then your actions would have created a permanent criminal record that would be much more adverse and long reaching to StepSlob 32 than some astute and TRUTH based words posted on FAKE book.

Your DH should be kissing your A$$ every day and THANKING you for your restraint in that matter AND he should be riding his space occupying skin sack son
daily to DO something and BE something other than a walking rash.And reimburse you for the theft.

NotaSM3 ,don't let the Pollyanna's and the Curiosity of a Fake Psychologist cause you any doubt or misgivings regarding your actions.
You are /were Spot on and Right On ,Lady.

MurphysLaw's picture

LOL Classic!

1. Damn! StepSlob is a bloated mess!
2. DH was LIVID?! Really? Was he livid when your home/property was violated?
Was he livid when StepSlobs Slut disrespected him by demanding entry into your vacation home?

Aww you embarrassed poor widdle ss ...cry me a Feckin river.

Curious Georgetta's picture

If the OO had used her own name to spew her truth she might have some possible claim to integrity but she did not. She allowed her message to go out as a message from her husband without his knowledge. Her stepson may be a thief but she is willing to fraudulently use her husband's identity.

She had to know that her husband would not want his name used that way much the same as her stepson knew that she did not want him invading her home.

Wrong on my part does not excuse wring on your part. It would have been so simp!e to use her own name

secret's picture

I just sat down, because I realized I agree with C.G. on this one.

There was nothing wrong with her message... but using her dh's account to get it across....ehhhhh fair point.

Tomatoe's picture

Do you care that you are hurting your dh? This just makes his life harder and changes how he looks at you. Forget about the stepkid and getting him back, you hurt your dh here.

Maxwell09's picture

I can’t back this. I know it probably felt good to make it seem like your husband (but really you via your DHs Facebook) we’re calling him out on his shit but really it was childish and wrong. I think it was bothering you that your husband was just going to accept what his son did-no big deal, and THAT ate at you until you lashed out.

I understand you have very good reason to dislike his child, but now you need to understand that you are no longer “the victim” to your husband now that you’ve lashed out. The biggest lesson I learned in steplife was that reacting back to BM, doesn’t show people the truth about who she is-it just makes me less of a victim and more of an agitator. Before your husband couldn’t fault you for what his son did, but now you’ve given him a reason to derail his anger in what his son did to you back onto you for this Facebook drama.

SacrificialLamb's picture

While I would derive some enjoyment from this, it would back fire in my case, outside of the fact that DH and I do not have access to each other's FB.

When you look at the Karpman drama triangle, my OSD42 - no matter how despicable her behavior - has perfected the role of Victim. My DH is a natural rescuer, being a good guy who wants to help everyone. OSD42 would gain so much leverage with me acting as the persecutor (she still talks about a letter I sent her a few years ago outlining nasty things that she did - big mistake on my part.) OSD42 once told her dad to f#ck off, later denied it and morphed right back into victim. With that type of skid, I will also be the villain, so I stay as far away as possible.

Notasm3, I can see where you likely feel very violated from his unwanted entry and trashing of your home. This has never happened to me, but I have a good friend whose home was burglarized decades ago and she still struggles with it. In your case, it was your DH's son, and your DH did nothing to address it. You likely feel violated and also betrayed by DH. I hope you are able to come to resolution on it so it doesn't continue to fester.

still learning's picture

The Karpman drama triangle really demonstrates how these circular dramas play out and how they can shift and people can change roles. Even though Notasm was the victim because ss and his gf raided their home, now she is seen as the aggressor for responding to ss's facebook post.

I've learned that even if I nod my head in agreement w/DH or any of his family about what a sh*t ss is being then I'm the one attacking ss, I'm the aggressor and he's victim again. So I just stay quiet or say, "sorry to hear that" or "Oh that must be hard seeing him go through that."

Yes Notasm, you just started a war on Facebook and these things tend to escalate. Don't drink and type!

lieutenant_dad's picture

I just can't be okay with this, even with your SS being the POS he is.

You have been passive-aggressive with your DH since it happened. Anytime you could take a dig at SS with him, you have. This was just another dig, but public.

I just don't understand. Your DH did NOTHING when his son violated your home, but you kept saying you didn't blame him and would disengage. But then you'd take digs at SS whenever your DH said something about him, or someone else, or something tangentially related.

You were victimized and need help with that. However, being victimized doesn't give you the right to punish or use your DH repeatedly when you chose to let him get away with doing nothing.

Get help. You've wished death upon your SS. You've said crude things about his innocent child. You've used SS to take jabs against your DH, assumingly in anger, and you don't care if it hurts your DH or your relationship. If you don't want to get to a point where this stops causing you to lash out, then do the thing you don't mind doing: go it alone without DH and SS. Otherwise, get help, tell your DH how much he has actually hurt you, and actually learn to let go. I'm not saying forgive and forget; I'm saying let go so you don't do stupid things after one beer.

hereiam's picture

I understand that you did not press charges as a favor to your husband but why have you not confronted his son? Why wait all of this time and then make a passive-aggressive statement on your husband's FB? You had no right to do that, do it from your own FB if you don't want to confront SS directly.

You have no idea what your husband said to his son about what happened (when he supposedly confronted him about it). I am pretty sure he did not make it clear to SS how serious what he did was. He probably made it sound like he and his girlfriend just over did it, drinking all of your alcohol, not that they actually committed a crime.

You had every right to confront him, yourself. And you should have because I think there is a piece missing. I am still not so sure that your husband did not give his son permission to be there. I don't remember your husband's reaction being much, other than embarrassed. My DH would be LIVID if his daughter came into our home, without permission, while we were away. He would not defend it, in any way.

MurphysLaw's picture

While I don't think it's that big of a deal (Facebook posts)....I was kinda wondering the same thing, did her DH actually give the "OKAY " for the ss & gf to access the house? Access not ransack.

Dovina's picture

I see your point and others. That yes it was disrespectful to her DH, by using his FB as a platform. However, I am sure Notasm3, has a lot of bottled up anger, probably towards DH as well, AND add in alcohol well that's a recipe for an oops. I think notasm3 should be given some slack. Her SS has literally raped her house, and went on his merry way, and Notasm3 was to keep this quiet. I am surprised she has for so long. We don't know how DH handled this with SS, but chances are DH gave him a pass (at least in notasm3 eyes). Just speculation.

Besides notasm3 didn't take out an add in the NY times under Dh's name. It was wrong of her, BUT, its FB where it can be undone. Dh wont get the heat for this from SS, because SS knows who did that. If SS was shamed that other people saw it, well then GOOD. If DH is hurt, ahhh well, he can get over it, just like notasm3 was expected to.
I would love to hear fro Notasm3 and give us an update.

twoviewpoints's picture

I've wondered about the DH giving permission, myself. The SS never tried to hid the fact he and his GF stayed there. Even left their dirty pan in sink. I've wondered if Dad gave permission but never dreamed they would do all and leave all the mess and 'evidence' that they had been there. As if, perhaps Dad underestimated the extent his son and GF were rude crude users that would mistreat and abuse the privilege Dad had granted them.

I don't like bashing on OP though on the FB thing. I think she was now ready enough to finally confront the SS. If her DH is as ignorant about online and social media as I believe he may be, it would be no secret to his son and family that it is OP who does his page for DH. If I wrote something questionable on my DH's page (my DH doesn't have one, but if he did), even if under Dh's name, anyone and everyone (our children and family) would instantly know I wrote it... Dad doesn't do internet.

So I'm giving OP the benefit of the doubt that she was really attempting to pretend to be her husband. I think she was just finally ready (new holiday stress and possible appearance of SS ect) to confront. She saw the posting of SS's and she confronted. She (I believe) knew SS knew and would know instantly who was really on the other side of Dad's FB typing.

She has purposely avoided SS for seven months. She knew she'd explode on him and frankly I do not know if it would have been safe for her to face to face confront the SS. He's a drunk. He has beaten on elderly before( I don't think of OP as elderly, but age wise she is in her early 70s). She didn't call police and press charges out of respect for her husband. The SS is an unreliable unpredictable moose sized man in his early 30s.

IDK. I'm just uncomfortable with the whole thing. From OP's previous blogs up until the home invasion, I could see signs that OP was perhaps weakening a tiny bit towards the SS. Never going to trust him, but a sliver of hope he might just turn his life around because of the grandchild. The SS was bringing the child around some and Op struggled a bit trying to not bond with the baby for fear she'd be hurt. While she got hurt alright. She went on vacation to only come home to find SS and his GF had playing house and sexual weekend in her home.

She's been reeling from the betrayal ever since.

hereiam's picture

I don't think OP was necessarily trying to pretend to be her husband but I still don't think it was the correct platform and I wouldn't say that her response to his posting was her confronting him. It was simply a passive-aggressive statement made on FB. It resolved nothing.

She didn't (and doesn't) have to confront him face to face, if she fears him, but seriously, she has no idea what has been said between her husband and his son and there is only one way to get to the bottom of it. And that is to point blank ask SS why he and his GF were at her home, using her bed, drinking her booze, and stealing things.

She has been betrayed, alright, but it may not necessarily be just by her SS.

Focused_onourlife's picture

I think OP posted in hopes the SS would think it was his dad and not show up to the Holiday and OP would not have to convince the family why he shouldn't be invited. "See his own DD thinks he's unworthy of an invite, he may steal". I don't think it was the right approach but I understand your frustration OP.

queensway's picture

Okay this is a bunch of malarkey. Come on how many of you have posted something on facebook, sent a tweet, or text someone that "maybe you shouldn't have". I give notasm3 a free pass on this one. She had a moment!

hereiam's picture

I couldn't care less about the FB thing, really. My point is that she needs to have a discussion with SS herself. Not make some off hand comment on FB and not rely on her husband to take care of it, because something is off about this whole situation.

Her husband is more upset with her about the FB comment than he was about what his son and the GF did to their home. Nobody else thinks that is weird?

Disneyfan's picture

I have never done that on Facebook. But I have in a text directly to the person UNDER MY OWN NAME/NUMBER.

I Don't do passive aggressive stuff and I Don't hide what I say or do.

Focused_onourlife's picture

I second this! I've had moments too and I make sure the person knows it's from ME.

Dovina's picture

Was it PA, yea. Did notasm3 set out on a PA attack? No, it fell in her lap IMO. This little jerk was playing moral authority with posting "get off your a** and earn it." To read this, after everything he has done to her must have felt like the trespassing all over again. The irony, the hypocrisy, plus the addition of ALCOHOL (lets use that as a defense Wink ...I bet mother Theresa wouldn't pass this up either. Ok maybe she would, but a SM scorned and violated by her SS, and by proxy DH, highly likely.

JustAgirl42's picture

Yep. It's easy to say what the right thing to do may have been, but unless you're in the other person's shoes, and have been through everything that she has, it shouldn't be so easy to judge.

Acratopotes's picture

pffft we are only human, so what if you took revenge on SS on FB, at least now the whole family will know and if DH can't handle it so be it, time for him to face facts and take his head out of the sand!!!!

I never hear - you do not like my kid, you never liked my kid any more, cause I say every time - At least there's nothing wrong with your observations, and yes I do not like your kid and it's actually your fault cause you are a shitty parent

bananaseedo's picture

So what, yes, it was a PA and bad move, but everyone messes up sometimes, even perfect disney princess above Smile (of course she would never admit to that).

That said, I really think you have to work on yourself or w/a therapist to move on from this's been a really long time and you have been hounding your husband directly or via PA about this since then.

It's his child- his other one is dead...he's probably happy to have him alive, even if he messes up at times and does crappy things. Personally I think you need to learn to let go a bit, you know they are bad sons and will sometimes do crap things, part of the 'who you married' kind of thing. They didn't vandalize or intentionally damage things, they used the house and acted like entitled kids to his dads house/things. I see where it's bad but I think your anger about it is larger in relation to the offense, does that make sense? Just from the outside looking in and knowing about your story/history for many years.

Hugs, forgive yourself, and learn to forgive your husband AND his shitty kid-you will live a happier life, that I promise.

JustAgirl42's picture

'everyone messes up sometimes, even perfect disney princess above Smiling (of course she would never admit to that).'