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Don't Know How They Do It

not2sureimsaneanymore's picture

Easter with DH's family is always an eye opener for me, for just how a blended family who is on really, really good terms COULD work.

His female cousin has three sons, was divorced, and is remarried. Her middle son and his wife hosted the get together this year, and as always, the entire family is there, including the ex husband's father, so (exFIL has joined the mix too), having a grand old time.

This means that his cousin (the BM), her new husband, her ex husband, her ex husband's wife (the SM), the three sons, their four grandkids, are not only in the same house, but getting along together marvelously.

The BM and SM are chatting together in the living room, the SF and BD are playing softball in the backyard, and all the grandkids are running between Nonna, Bummy, Poppop, and Grandpa while their sons and their wives are setting up. This is completely normal for them.

How? Other than the fact that all four are sweethearts and love one another like old friends (they have known each other for 25 years), I'm at a loss to how they have made it work.

But it's apparently possible.

Comments

Jsmom's picture

It is possible. Unfortunately it takes people that are sane with no anger.

I have a great relationship with my late husbands family and my SS15 and my new husband go to everything with us and they enjoy it. I know my ex is deceased and that makes it easier, but I think it is also, that they want me to be happy. All of us are going to the Braves game together rooting for both teams on Mother's Day.

bearcub25's picture

I noticed a difference after my DH passed away. My MIL just started acting cold to me and her grandkids and great grandkids. I tried and tried to reach out and it was never reciprocated so I quit trying and stopped feeling guilty about it. They know my number and SIL and I are friends on FB so they can reach me when they want too.

QueenBeau's picture

It takes sane people. These families do exist, & oh how I wish ours could work this way. But unfortunately BM is just a psycho. She goes through phases where she wants us to all be bffs and get along like this. Then a week later she will call and cuss DH out, or keep him from talking to SD for 2 weeks.

Disneyfan's picture

DF and I attended SD's mom's 40th birthday party and her house warming. We all sat together at SD's elementary school graduation and had lunch together. DF and BM split the bill (for 10 people) 50/50.

That will never, ever happend with the other SM. She and I hate one another.

Disneyfan's picture

If the two of you do not get along, why would you expect a response from her? Why even bother texting her at all?

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

Are you being facetious when you say you "allow" time with his son and she should "appreciate" it??

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

How do you "allow" him time with his minor child? Genuinely asking. Not being an a-hole.

B22S22's picture

I think what she is trying to say is the BM never "allowed" DH to spend time with anyone.... and OP is now saying (maybe somewhat sarcastically?) that she "allows" DH to spend time with the son she and DH share. I don't think she meant it to sound like she's carving out 1 hour a day for DH to spend with SK's and that's it.

Bio-Step-Mom's picture

I don't think that's the only dynamic to blended families that work. BM1 and I are get along fine. FBfriends, text when the kids are here. BM2 (exW) hates dh's guts so I have no relationship with her. But it isn't motivated by any jealousy on either side. DH and my ex get along fine. FB friends, sit and chat when ex gets the kids. No problem.

But our blended family still does not work.

Blah.

Hanny's picture

I have 5 step sons and 1 bio daughter. I divorced their dad after 22 years of marriage. Even after the divorce we could all get together and get along. Me with my SO and my ex with his SO. Everyone pleasant and happy. In my current situation with my SO and his ex, we get together for family stuff, but she is so controlling, and sometimes inappropriate at these events. She will tell stories about her and my SO when they were together, and not stories as a family...just the two of them. Like, "remember X when we took that camping trip to X, how much fun we had, it was the best camping trip I ever had". Okay perhaps that is innocent, but still she always has to throw something like that in. At my family events with ex, we might talk about some camping trips, but it was always the kids bringing them up, and about everyone, not just he and I. My ex has passed away now, and I still see my step sons and their kids, some more than others, but I'm included in their special events in their lives, and they still consider me as their step mom and grandmother.