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I want OUT and I want it NOW!

not THAT happy's picture

I'm so sick and tired of all this.
Ok, here's the recap...
Instead of going in Nov, we're going until December to visit the skid.
So I already bought her all the presents (Christmas, Santa's, etc) and I'll be paying for this visit due DH doesn't have the means to pay it himself.
BM lost her job about 2 weeks ago, and even though she's not asking for money (should I say...she's not asking for more money YET?) DH wants to send her an e-mail telling her that he may be able to help her financially. First: COME ON YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! If I AM paying HIS TRIP so he can see HIS CHILD, guess whose money he's talking about?
So, I told him I didn't agree on his intentions and he got upset about how insensitive I am and yadda yadda...
but then I reminded him that BM and SKid are going to the beach for vacations next month, and how BM's facebook is full of pictures of Concerts and bars she goes on a week basis and haven't stop even when she lost her job.
So now I got a upsted H, and I'm just wanting to quit...


meneran's picture

Holy WOMAN! I would give you a medal now! :jawdrop:

How did you go through those 6 months? You seriously funded his ass while the other woman enjoyed his income?? There is no man on this world who is worth that. Period.
I thought I was lenient one, until i read your story.

TheWickedStepmom's picture

I have ALWAYS kept my money seperate. If dh would have been trying to fund BM or sk's on MY money that woulda been a definite HELL to the NO and a walk for the door!

amisha's picture

I am not meaning to sound harsh...but we step moms get used way too much!!!! I started off like that too....We were supporting BM's house and ours...I put a stop to all that. Our BM still wont get a real job...and still cries poor. I keep my money seperate now.
step talk

Eyes Wide Open's picture

Ah, yesssss....he is a victim of the "golden womb" syndrome. Does he throw money at his x-girlfriends (who DIDN'T produce children with him?)? I'm sure not. However, the woman with the golden womb has all of the control in the world! She knows exactly how to manipulate him into doing her wish and paying for everthing "for the children". Whatever..... Men are idiots when it comes to this....

In my case, DH is a plumbing/heating & air contractor. When I met him, every time BM had any issue at her house, he went a 'runnin'. Ummmmmmm? She has a husband who supports her, it's their house, why in the HELL is he running to fix everything at HER house? I finally got him to see the light on that one, but it was a hard fought battle. He kept telling me they were still "friends". Yeah, dufus, if she was such a good friend, she wouldn't have slept with every guy in the county before she bailed on you and your kids! MY friends don't crap on me!

not THAT happy's picture

To respond some of the questions:
He can't afford it because he's paying off a debt this christmas, and I receive my commissions, so... (i was going to say "it was my turn"...but probably I sound stupid ...)
and yes, we share incomes and debts. Sounds like a mistake, huh?...
and yes... he's a victim of the golden womb, the parent that abandoned his child, etc etc.... SPECIALLY because we don't have kids yet so it's his only child.

TheBrightSide's picture

We also have separate bank accounts. Works for us. DH makes about double what I make. The understanding, for me anyway is, DH pays for his personal expenses, SD's expenses and his CS. I pay for my personal expenses (i.e.: cell phone, car, clothes, insurance etc). Our joint expenses (housing, food). I try to split with him, but have him pay double (as he makes double). Another reason for wanting him to contribute more, is that when we entered the relationship I contributed about 150K and he only 38K (ex bled him dry) into the purchase of our first house.

As the years go on, we've "blended" our finances a bit more. i.e.: i'll by clothes for SD, I have SD on my medical insurance...things like that and I don't "keep track" like I used to. Its more of a go with the flow. HOWEVER, because we still have separate bank accounts, separate investments, I feel safer and more secure financially.

The BIG reason this works is "resentment". I have none. He can buy whatever he wants for himself. I can buy whatever I want for myself. Its his money. Its my money.

A work in progress. My advise to ANYONE getting involved with someone (with or without kids or exes), at least at first, keep separate accounts.