Enabling MIL, how to handle it.
Does anyone have thoughts or things they have done when dealing with a MIL who enables SD12? She does this with all of her GKs, but I would like it to stop with SD12. Even my SO would like it to stop. I told him the other day she would need to start learning not to enable, because otherwise she won't be watching OUR kids.
During the family camping trip, there was a discussion about what to do with SD12s hair. MIL usually cuts it. Granted, crazy BM told SD12 not to let her do it anymore. (Ugh, putting the kid in the middle, AGAIN!) Anyways, SO says he'll talk to BM. So MIL starts talking about how she really looks cute with a high pony. SO says she won't put it up in a ponytail. What does MIL say??? "Well you just have to do it for her." Out of my mouth pops, "She's 12!" No way should SO be doing her hair for her.
On a happy note, SD12 went to stay with my SO's parents on Monday. Before she left, I told her and SO told her, that she really needs to help out her grandmother. To my delightful surprise, when she came back, we found out that she had not only helped with the dishes and make dinner, but that she had also helped out with the yard work. AWESOME! Who cares that MIL said she would pay her $10, usually that's not enough to get her to help, but that was quite a bit of helping IMO for just one day.
- noidea1010's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Why do you care about
Why do you care about something that insignificant? Obviously MIL isn't doing it to piss you off. She does it with all of her GKs. That's what grandmothers do. They don't have to discipline or partake in any of the parental rules anymore. Its the parents' job to parent. It's grandmas job to spoil. Its the way of the world.
How much time does SD spend
How much time does SD spend with mil? If its not a lot then I wouldn't worry about it. If grandma wants to do her hair one moring while on vacation, who cares.
If it were bigger issues, like grandma wants to bathe SD then yeah that's an issue.....or is SD spends a lot of time with grandma then it would be an issue. But an occasional grandma spoiling is nothing g to get worked up about.
I just responded on the other
I just responded on the other post that sometimes I help my 11 year old dd put her hair in a pony as well. Its very long-and to get it all up-especially in a high pony-can be kind of hard for her. I don't think her dad has helped her recently with it-but I do know that he has helped her with it within the last year. I don't understand why people have such a problem with this. It's not like its a sexual thing.
Oh my Goddess....I have a MIL
Oh my Goddess....I have a MIL who enables her grandson (the one in prison) so badly that I seethe at the thought of doing something for someone who has done such horrible things to his family. She posted his bail when he first got arrested, spent thousands of dollars sending him money in prison and I asked my DH why he hasn't stood up to this BS?
His answer? "She's gonna do what she's gonna do." What a chicken s**t way out of dealing with something like this.
Finally though, SS wanted DH and his grandmother (MIL) to open up an "calling" account putting money in there so he could call them. Uh..no. He wants to call all of these girls he knows and call all of his so called friends, not us. Does he think we're that f**king stupid????? MIL finally read him a rather nasty Riot Act stating that she sees what he's finally doing to the family and that she really doesn't want to see him until he starts getting his life straightened out-which will not happen because he is a sociopath.
DH has refused to see him and all he hears about is how he'll get out and do this, that and the other. He doesn't care about anything but himself but his family has done NOTHING but enabled this behavior because they were scared he wouldn't love them.
He doesn't love anyone and they are finally realizing this.
More background on why the
More background on why the enabling worries me...I see how she is with her older son. He's a total jerk, thinks women are here on earth to do things for him. This is how his mom is with his father and how she is with him. I see how she enables Jerkface and I don't want SD12 to think that's the way it should be. His kids take after him. SOs poor mom was tired, just sat down and one of the kids wanted her to get up and get them a napkin. She started to do it. Frustrating to me, since I was raised to help out my Grandparents. She is the only grandma she gets to see.
I should also point out that I don't think helping with hair is sexual at this age. It's more laziness on SD12's part. SO and I have tried to show her numerous times on how to get her hair up. Even if she put it up, it looked awful and we helped her fix it, I'm good with that. She just doesn't want to put the effort into it.
All for grandma's spoiling the kids, she does in a lot of other ways. However, if SO is trying to teach his daughter something, I don't think she should circumvent that. He's trying to get her to do better in school, Gma says Cs are OK. That kind of stuff.
Maybe I'm just overreacting because I see how her oldest son is, how his daughter who is 13 is and don't want SD12 heading in that direction.
I would have a problem with
I would have a problem with the acceptance of the kid's curricular activity. That is a parental decision, not a grandparent decision. That IS overstepping. But the hair, not so much
my mil made sure to establish
my mil made sure to establish a solo relationship with bio mom so that she can be more involved with skids (ss17 in particular). this woman (very limited income) has destiuted herself spoiling ss17. she gave this 17 year old boy who has done absolutely nothing but fail his classes and get in trouble with the law. i told dh (who was so used to his mom taking care of his kids for him) that it's not his mom that will have to deal with the mess she's creating. he refused to stop the spoiling, so i told him that he stops giving him mom money, and she will never live with us. she's hinted before that she'll just move in with us when she gets old. HAHAHAHA! she stayed with us 1 time when her apartment flooded for a month and dh and i almost got a divorce. this will never happen. this woman has done absolutely nothing to prepare herself for retirement, her credit is crap and she doesn't own a thing (she has a rich daddy that she thinks she's gonna inheret from, but he told me different). i think dh finally gets it. i've pretty much dis-engaged from her. it's saved my sanity. let her spoil away because it's not going to affect my future. if ss ever gets in trouble and needs someone to bail him out, he can go to nanna. we will not. and i've warned dh that if he ever touches his retirement to bail his family out, we're done. bm and nanna created this mess, they can clean it up. in the meantime, i'm enjoying nanna doing all the work/running that skids parents should be doing. although i AM going to say, dh stepped up and got ss17 a job. the kid has worked his butt off all summer and hasn't missed a day of work! i'm very proud of him. and dh has left for work an hour early every single morning to pick ss17 up and take to work. proud of them both. still, i don't expect ss17 to finish high school, but if he can work like this, he may have hope. not so sure about mil though!