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Arguing in front of kids??!

noidea1010's picture

Submitted by noidea1010 on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 12:58am

Ok, I'm not a fulll stepmom yet, but man do I feel like it at times. 12SK told her dad last week that she didn't want him to bring me out to his parent's for dinner. After I had been MIA for the week. Hurtful. I have done everything to try to make a connection and help my boyfriend to raise her.

Then tonight he starts a fight with me, in front of her! He was upset with me over something that I did that was insensitive and he was hurt. However, that doesn't seem to be a good excuse for arguing in from of the SD!

Am I wrong? Someone help. I don't have kids of my own and I was raised by a strict single mother. Respect was huge in our family. To me, arguing and being disrespectful to me in front of her just made things 20 times worse.

Comments

MommaSaSa's picture

Submitted by MommaSaSa on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 1:31am

No it's really bad. And it's a vicious cycle. My parents fought in front of my sibs and me and now my DH and I do it in front of our kids. It's horrible and I hate it. You should try to set the boundaries with your bf right now and tell him you aren't okay arguing in front of his daughter. If he has a problem, it needs to be discussed behind closed doors and not in front of kids!

momsome's picture

Submitted by momsome on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 1:32am

I hate to put things in your head but that looks to me like someone could have said something to him to make him start a heated argument that just couldnt wait until you guys were in private and doing it in front of the SK is the worst thing you can ever do I wouldnt be surprised if she starts lying and starting fights between you to..

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 7:36am

You shouldn't argue in front of children, friends, or extend family ever!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yep

WarmBody's picture

Submitted by WarmBody on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 8:48am

He's probably posturing and trying to impress his daughter by taking it to you and not appearing like a push-over, which I'm sure she's accused him of before in an effort to manipulate him and get him under her control and to push you away. He needs to think long term and not short term. When you think long term you also consider consequences and how much extra work you're creating for yourself down the road.

Try to calmly, logically, get him to see the big picture and focus on what's important. Don't insult him or he'll flip out. End the conversation if he is too emotionally charged to listen. Just plant the seed and let it grow. If you are too pushy he'll be even more convinced of his daughter's talk about how you control him.

DaizyDuke's picture

Submitted by DaizyDuke on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 9:05am

I hope that your arguement wasn't about something "insensitive" that he perceived you did to SD??? If so he is WAY out of bounds! My DH did this to me a few weeks ago and I jumped his shit. Him, acting like the big, moronic "protective" father within earshot of SD15 reduced me to below toddler status in our house and I won't have it!

By scolding me, he aligned himself with SD and gave her wife status and me child status. Every Dr. Phil, Dick and Harry will tell you that you can not do that, kids don't know what to do with that power.

At any rate, it's never OK to argue in front of or within earshot of the kids, it's really not. There is no reason for a child to be privy to a discussion/arguement between two adults (especially parental adults)

noidea1010's picture

Submitted by noidea1010 on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 10:05am

@ Stepaside - you are right, I am/was trying to parent his kid, but only because that's the role he's asked me to take with her. We had a lengthy discussion about this a few months back. She doesn't have a good role model/structure in her BM.

Insensitive comment wasn't about the SD. I had a work thing come up that put off a vacation we had trying to plan for my birthday. He was upset that I wasn't very apologetic about it and then when SD asked how my day was I told her I was happy to be going to the work thing. Which upset him more and that's when he started the fight right in front of SD. I was wrong not to be more sorry about the vacation reschedule (it had been rescheduled once already for his work), but I really am looking forward to going to the work think for the knowledge I can gain. The plans afterall were for MY birthday.

He did get on her and let her know that her comment the previous weekend was not OK and she shouldn't take it out on me. However, then he does this. Kind of just killed that lesson in my mind.