No more disrespectful visits
I have been with my partner for five years. We got engaged this last spring.
He is divorced and he and his ex adopted children from child services. He has his son 6 weeks in the summer and a week every other Christmas, he lives in another city,
The 13 year old boy is autistic aspburgers, we had a horrible week at Christmas this year. He is rude ignorant and disrespectful and his dad does nothing because visits are few.
When I speak to him he leers at me and says be quiet or I don't have to listen to the maid. That is his mothers poison. He used to be sweet but hasn't been for the past two years. A typical day is this kid sitting in his underwear in the middle of the family room on the Xbox yelling while talking to other kids online. I am not hopeful for his future and will not tolerate this any more.
I opened my home to my boyfriend and his kids and have been treated like a door mat ever since.
After this last visit I told my fiancé that his son is not allowed back in my home. He will have to get a cottage or take him on a trip when they have visits but I am done.
We are now deciding if we are staying together, on a Friday he went to his Familys a Christmas without me, not my choice and I was too upset to go to my my family's New Years party. So that makes Christmas and New Years ruined. I am planning my future and the good possibility it will be on my own.
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Don't do it! Count to your
Don't do it! Count to your blessings, and get out now! I had a similar situation over the holidays. My fiance chose his son over me and then blew up at me on Christmas Eve, in the church parking lot, just after the candlelit service. We then spent Christmas apart, with having no idea and evidently not caring whether I was alone or not. If it hadn't been for my sistercalling at the right time, I would have been alone.
When I came back from visiting my family alone, I was expected to immediately forgive him and let it go because he wanted to go to more counseling. At that point, we already talked, prayed, been to counseling, read books, etc...and it evidently didn't work. Even after Christmas, his answers were different from conversation to conversation.
And, of course HE was angry and hurt that I chose to ring in the New Year alone. He tried being cold. He tried the whiny "you hate me, you think I'm a failure as a parent and a man..." looking for sympathy. He's the victim? Really? He then tried the "I accept you as you are, emotions and all...but you don't accept me. It's all about me changing, but you don't accept responsibility." No, I don't. I did not raise this kid. I didn't create the bum, he did. I also did not create the anger problem his mother says he's had since he was 13 (even she says to not tolerate his anger and to stand my ground).
We haven't spoken since NYE. I'm sure he thinks this will blow over, but he's wrong. I am done. I changed the alarm on the house and am waiting on the guy to change my garage code and my locks. I officially canceled our cruise and the photographer. I also spoke to my friends in the workout group he is trying to take over. They now know what's going on, and they choose me. I am so excited to be getting my life back, and I thank God that the kid got kicked out of his mom's house before we were married. That triggered the anger again and let me know the deal with the kid. Now that I know what I would be truly getting, the deal isn't so sweet. Unlike him, who threatened me with the ring but refused to take it back, I mean it when I say I'm done!
Sorry that it happened like
Sorry that it happened like that but you have been given a gift.
Thank you! I agree. When I
Thank you! I agree. When I spoke to my boot camp friends, they connected the dots. They noticed that I wasn't myself these last few months and that I seemed stressed and that I had lost my spirit. They looked at Mr. Super Happy All The Time and were confused. When he showed up for class while I was gone, he acted like nothing was wrong. He told them that I was just woth my sister, or that I had gone to another class. I am hoping he will just leave when he realizes that the jig is up; men who like to put up appearances usually do. But if he makes me uncomfortable, the trainer (my friend for years) has already said that the ex is out. The trainer had noticed our tension when we stayed in the parking lot after class (he would stop yelling when the trainer came out).
My first instinct was to not go if he would be there. My friend saved me from that. This is MY class, and these are MY friends. He was only related by marriage (or engagement). If he wants to leave, he can...but I'm not giving up anything else for him. He will soon know my strength. I feel better already. 2017 is going to be all about getting back to the me I know and love. I deserve so much better, and I know that God has plans to prosper me and and not to harm me,plans to give me hope and a future.