From the mouth of babes.
So I get an email from SS8's teacher yesterday while I was at work. It's below exactly as I received it.
Just to keep you updated, B**** received a purple today. Very whiny and argumentative. Everything that didn't go his way made him cry and throw himself on the ground. He brought his Pokemon cards after I have told them not to as they are a distraction in class. He also had to go to the clinic to change shorts because he somehow got urine on the back of his jeans.
They receive colors for their behavior and purple is the worst. I sent it to his father and received a text back that said "It's my fault he took the Pokemon cards to school" Ok, not the part of the email I would focus on.
When he spoke with SS later that day, SS says "If my mom doesn’t care about my behavior why should I" AHHHH...What do you say to that. She doesn't care at all. That's why even though she's the primary parent the teachers have stopped even trying to communicate with her. She either doesn't respond or offers up some lame excuse.
How do you get an 8yr old to care about behaving when there are zero consequences at his primary residence. Grounded from video games at dads house for the weekend, who cares. I do what I want the rest of the week.
Some people just should not have children.
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Comments
I disagree. At 8 years old
I disagree. At 8 years old this child is aware enough to see that bm does not care and he is begging someone to care about him. The statement from SM should be I CARE!!! Your Dad CARES!!! Get the list of people going that care about this child and let him know that they are part of his life even if it is only part time.
Instead of offering up more punishments for him (the negative behavior seems to be his primary mode of attention) set up a series of rewards for him to earn. Make it easy and make the rewards all about time spent with him. No tangible rewards like games or toys. Trips to the zoo, out for pizza, bowling, mini golf whatever.
We have set up an award
We have set up an award system. Green is the neutral color of the day in his class then yellow, orange and red is the best. If he gets green or higher he can pick a ticket out of a bucket thing we have. They say things like, get to choose dinner one night, pick board game for family or extra time on video games. He has to get all green or better for the week to be able to play video games. He hasn't had one week yet.
He came really close last week and as an encouragment he was allowed to spend the night at a friends which included video games. He threw a fit over there and was crying because they didn't play the game he wanted to play.
He just seems so much more immature the his sister was at that age. I know boys mature slower on average, but the gap is huge. I just think he's spoiled. He gets whatever he wants at BM's house because if not he throws a fit and she relents to shut him up. She has even told BF is will not ground him from video games because it shuts him up.
The kids are a pain in the
The kids are a pain in the rear, but I wish she would just give them to us. We do ALL the parenting. But no way will she ever give up that CS. It pays her rent.
When I get on my rants I ask
When I get on my rants I ask BF what BM thinks she's gonna do when the CS stops. She's a 40yr old working in a bar. Is she gonna be a 50yr old working in a bar. This is the perfect time for her to get an education and a real job. I wish someone paid my rent while i was working 10hrs a day, getting my degree and taking care of her kids.
She will probably take up with some guy once the time for CS to stop comes close. She still has 9yrs to live off us.
A good friend of mine was in
A good friend of mine was in the same boat. BM would not give up custody since it was her meal ticket. My friend and her husband agreed that they would continue the CS if BM would just let the child live with them - all verbal and BM could yank the kid back at any time. BM agreed. She must have thought she won the lottery. 12 months later they went back to court and could prove the child had lived with them for a year and it was a slam dunk that the custody placement was changed. They figured it was money well spent to save the child. In the long run it cost less than the legal bill would have been if they had started the court fight at the beginning.
Is SS in counseling? Here
Is SS in counseling? Here (and many other places I assume) They have counselors that will go to the school to work with the kids too. The school already sends the emails to you, reaches out to you, even though you aren't the primary caregiver.. they know you will try to get through to SS. These documents could be used against BM in court, if that ever comes up and BM may not have a choice in handing over SK's. Education is a huge thing and it makes me sick that BM would be like that.
He was in counseling but the
He was in counseling but the only thing that came from it was BM allowing SS to continue to suck his thumb. He'll be 9 in a couple of months and she still allows it. The counselor said it was soothing to him so it should be allowed, but that was almost 4yrs ago.