Advice about BM not moving on?
I am new to the site and would really appreciate a little advice from someone who has been in similar shoes. (also, very bad with the abbreviations - sorry)
My BF and I have been together for 4 years (living together for 3). He has two wonderful children (now pre-teens that I adore) from a previous marriage. There were, and are absolutely no issues as far as the relationship between myself and the children. I love every minute I get to spend with them and am looking forward to the challenge of their teenage years.
A little background on myself: I am much younger than my bf - I am 27, he is in his early 40's. I am well-educated with a masters degree, and maintain a healthy lifestyle; so not a bimbo GF as rumor may have it.
His marriage ending had absolutely nothing to do with me, they finalized separation papers 9 months before we started dating. Unfortunately somehow rumors still circulate that I am a man-stealer and a homewrecker (The timeline isn't even close - I don't get it).
My issue:
BM texts multiple times every day, whether we have the children or not. She texts at innapropriate hours (eg 2am) and texts inappropriate stuff to my BF (ie - don't you remember telling me that your gizz is good for a sore throat?). She constantly sends texts and I am sure has chats when I am not around that reminisce on their past relationship.
It is not only the content that upsets me, but the frequency. Every day. Some days there will be up to 10 or 15 texts. We see her nearly every day. The children go to school in our neighbourhood so we have them every morning and after school. She picks them up on her days, so we see her either in the morning or in the afternoon each day. There is always time to discuss things about the kids then.
These matters are not life and death. I completely understand the need to have an open line of communication between all of us; but I don't feel that THAT much communication is nessecary.
She has not dated anyone since they split (5 years ago)and has few hobbies. I feel that she is trying to keep her foot in the door in some sort of effort to get him back.
It frustrates me that we don't seem to get our privacy as a couple because she doesn't give us any distance.
My bf doesn't see that it is a way to get him back, and I am assured he has ABSOLUTELY no desire to even consider going back with her (which I believe). He simply wants to maintain the peace, but will not tell her flat out that this behaviour is disrespectful to our relationship.
Any advice or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated. I am very frustrated and emotionally exhausted as a young mom to two step children?
Thanks 
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Comments
Sorry, that last sentence
Sorry, that last sentence wasn't a question. lol
I don't know how you have
I don't know how you have dealt with this for so long. I would have had it out with BM myself a long time ago. I would say to ask your BF to not respond to any texts unless they directly have to do with the kids. After a little while she might get the clue.
And if she texts him inappropriate things again ask him to tell her that it is inappropriate and she needs to back off. He should have done this to show respect for you from the get go.
That much communication isn't
That much communication isn't necessary and it's up to your BF to let her know this or at least stop responding. IGNORE HER!
"and then what do you do in
"and then what do you do in an emergency?"
The same thing people did in an emergency 20 years ago. Our BM had our landline # and only our landline #. No cell #, no email address, nothing. It worked just fine.
Arrange it that she believes
Arrange it that she believes you two have swopped phones for a while, Let her message away! We just got a message from BM saying that SD is in a hospital ER room, stated hospital. SD's friend sends text to same effect but states a different hospital! BM then sends a corrected text...they moved SD. It's the BIGGEST pile of attention seeking BS. Recently it was SD is pregnant, no such thing! SD has been kidnapped by pimps and is being held against her will, again, no such thing! We ignore it.
BM is totally psychotic, why even bother to dignify the crap? Between you, me, the devil and the deep blue sea...she'll be loving it if you are upset sooooooo....shhhhhh no comments or retorts and watch it stop.
Our BM was like this after
Our BM was like this after the divorce, hell she was still calling him for sex a month before their divorce finalized!! She was already seeing someone else (who eventually became her new DH!!) :jawdrop: My DH is awesome in bed, so couldn't blame her much there! LOL
Anyways, BM remarried 30 days after their divorce was final!! More power to ya! We waited a whole year after the divorce so the skids could get use to me! Anyways, a year later after DH and I have married we are out with some of DH's coworkers and their wives. And one of the wives is looking at me funny and she says, "I know who you are!!" She was working with DH's ex wife and the ex would bring in emails from DH about the skids and show them to people at her work! Talk about not moving on!! She just made herself look more like an ass to everyone there according to the coworker!
It just made DH and I laugh that she was so hung up on him still!! If I were you, the next time you get a 2 AM text, I would respond with "He is busy servicing me at the moment and will get back to you later!!"
All this advice is good, but
All this advice is good, but people...don't you see that she is saying her BF won't do anything about it. If he won't do anything about it...there is nothing SHE can do. My thought is maybe your BF likes the attention from his ex, why else would someone put up with that. A question just occured to me, is he texting her back...or has he tried the no reply method that everyone suggests. I don't think BM would keep it going if he didn't respond, so he must be responding, and not responding with the appropriate words...DO NOT TEXT ME UNLESS IT REGARDS OUR KIDS>>....Period.
I am went thru the same thing
I am went thru the same thing for awhile, matter-of-fact, she moved in with my mother-in-law. We had an issue with her still trying to act like she was married to DH but he quickly put a stop to that and told her politely not to text him unless it was about the children, I think she thought if she moved in with the mother in law that she would get to see him all the time, but she was quickly proved wrong, for now my husband refuses to visit his parents anymore. We do go try to visit the father in law when mother in law and BM is gone tho. So I know exactly what you are going through.
He needs to put a stop to it.
He needs to put a stop to it. If he is responding to her, chances are, he's still tapping that. No woman should ever be texting another womans DH, BF, or whatever at those inappropriate times. I'd be furious if I saw that.
The problem is also that DH
The problem is also that DH doesn't think that that many texts are inappropriate, just feels as though it is communication. (also, he doesn't know that I know about the sexual texts)
When I text her to ask for a favour in regards to the kids, I get a passive agressive no from her.
"don't you remember telling
"don't you remember telling me that your gizz is good for a sore throat?"
And he doesn't think that's inappropriate? And he didn't tell you? No way is that acceptable, I'm so sorry. Why hasn't he told her to stop? That is so disrespectful to you in every way. Forget her - she owes you nothing. He has a problem, IMO.
BM and I are friendly, and
BM and I are friendly, and unfortunately have many common friends.
She tries very hard to make sure we are in the same circles so that we attend the same parties and events. She has also tried the `see, we have common interests now` ploy. They don't ususally last long once she sees that DH doesn't care - and that she is generally unwelcome. (IE. MY family's friends parties)
I texted her previously to ask that she keep her kids on a weekend that she was scheduled to have them (she wanted to go on a vacation with her girlfriends) but I had already booked a pricy surprise party for DH. You can imagine how helpful she was. lol
Also need to contact her when I pick the kids up from school sick.
I do understand that she is lonely, but her time needs to be filled with more to do. It makes me sad for her.
It's just wrong that he
It's just wrong that he hasn't told you about the sexting. Essentially he's carrying on an emotional sexual affair which he thinks you do not know about. The cover is acting blase about the amount of communication.
He's not rocking either boat. He doesn't tell BM to back off and he doesn't tell you about the sexting and whatever else.
1st they were separated, not
1st they were separated, not divorced. There is a difference.
2nd don't blame her, blame your BF who has no boundaries with his ex
PS - she might be crazy, but 1 and 2 above are the real issue here
Kinda wondering if they are
Kinda wondering if they are divorced? Can't see the original post but I seem to recall that only separation papers were signed? Or maybe OP was just saying that to reference that they had essentially split months before they started dating.
That he does not shut down the sexting, very much that's a serious boundary violation.
Maybe BM really doesn't need to move on.