Skids will get a "real" Christmas, like every year
I'm rolling my eyes. But, at least I don't have to spend Christmas with SS14 for once!
We take the skids every single year for the Christmas week even though the custody agreement says they are supposed to alternate yearly. So for 8 years, we've gone to DH's parent's house for the week with the skids.
Well, this Christmas was supposed to be different. I'll be planning to have a baby that week, so we are not going anywhere. So, we instead spent our summer vacation at DH's parents' place because we knew we wouldn't make it for the winter holiday. We also figured that BM could take the skids this winter holiday since we'd be busy and she hasn't had them for Christmas since she's been together with DH, which was over 10 years ago. The skids were told this many times. But for whatever reason, SS decided to block it out of his memory. He then cried hysterically to his grandmother while we were visiting this summer after finally getting it through his skull that we weren't going to be there on Christmas. Grandma felt bad and told us that she would help pay for plane tickets to take SS14 and SD18 if we wanted to send them out there.
It was a nice gesture, but we weren't planning on paying hundreds of dollars for them to fly out for the holiday. We prepped the skids early on and came in the summer, so that we wouldn't have to deal with it. So, I was just pissed at SS's behavior and was still under the impression that the skids were staying local for the holidays and mostly with BM.
Well, as Christmas gets closer, I kept telling DH that he needed to comfirm Christmas custody plans with BM, so I could prepare for my upcoming arrival. DH instead keeps talking about sending them out to see his mom. He says he feels bad because the skids won't get a "real" Christmas like they're used to.
WTF! SS is a spoiled effing brat and DH is effing dumb as f**k. I'm so sick of this sh*t. But, whatever...I give up. I told DH that if we were spending that much (at least $700) then they are going for the entire holiday, we are not just flying them out for a few days. Seriously though...DH, DS3, and I will be here. Their mother will be here. Sorry that's not enough of a "real" Christmas. I just can't stand SS and DH anymore. But, at least I'll be able to focus on my baby instead of them, so there's the bright side of the dealing with SS and DH's emotional manipulations.
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All of this is annoying.
All of this is annoying. Skids cry and get their way. You shouldn't have to pay anything for their tickets because they SHOULD be with BM for Christmas!
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We take the skids every
Same here, though, it’s basically out of our control, because BM literally puts skid on a plane 2-3 weeks before Christmas Day - without any forewarning, then texts us with a “Surprise! Pick skid up at the airport.”
We have spent the last FIVE Christmases with skid, when it’s supposed to be every other year. No one wants to disappoint skid, by standing up to BM.
Is this year your DH’s year to have SS, per the visitation order? If not, this would be a hard NO for me when it comes to splitting ANY travel costs.
The anticipated arrival of your little one trumps all else, no?
Omg....
Omg....
"Surprise...we're not in town... Won't be home for another week! You should have asked!"
As a grandmother and a mom
As a grandmother and a mom who knows what it's like to have grandma help out during delivery week, I know what would be happening at my house .
Grandma would be paying fully for plane tickets for all the kids (including the little three year old as SD18 I would think can contain one little one for a flight). However, I'd also be quite willing to drive out , pick up kids and drive if 3yr old can't fly, and then return drive them when you're ready for them.
As the mom-to-be, I'd be cheering grandma on and thanking her (I shipped all my little darlings of various ages off to my Mom's and I did it with glee and much gratitude she was taking them).
But back to your case, I can see where your Dh is hesitant to tell BM to take the kids. The woman hasn't wanted anything to do with her kids for ten years over Christmas. Why believe she'd suddenly want or take them now, let alone make sure they had a halfway decent Christmas?
I'm a bit selfish towards the end of my pregnancies and around delivery. I'm quite content to wave bye to my other children knowing they are perfectly safe, having fun and being spoilt . Besides, my mom loves having the grandkids and if I didn't sen them off to her, she'd be here driving me crazy, lol.
I bet if your SS whines loud enough, your MIL will whip out the full plane fare. I certainly don't blame you for not wanting to pay $700 for an unnecessary trip, especially during Christmas expenses and now having another child to support ( little bundles are expensive, lol).
Tell Dh his kids can do/go whatever he and his mother work out, but he is to find the money (if really needed as so far GMa has offered to only help pay) all on his own and not one dime out of your pocket or your joint account. It's unfair, and unnecessary to pull money out of the regular household budget to pay for half or even part of an trip that doesn't need to be happening. Or, make the trip be their Christmas present , meaning dad isn't paying for flight and presents.
A Christmas baby. Exciting.
You're right. And, grandma
You're right. And, grandma did offer to take DS3 too, which was nice. But, we decided against it for many reasons. DS3 has never been on a plane and SD18 could not handle him alone (she's got anxiety issues). I don't trust SS with DS. DS3 would probably have been uncomfortable during the week. He only sees DH's parents once or twice a year and they are fun grandparents but don't do a lot of care taking for him. It would be different if it were my parents because he sees them more often and they watch/babysit him a lot. So, the plan is that my parents will come stay with us and watch DS. Plus, DS regularly gets up at 5am in the morning. My parents are fully used to it. But DH's parents never had to deal with DS because I would always get up early with him and try to keep him quiet so the rest of the house could sleep until 9.
I already told DH that the plane tickets would be their Christmas present. He said he was onboard, but he will buy them presents anyway. I know DH, this is what he does.
We have the skids every
We have the skids every Christmas week because DH wants to go to his parents' house for the holiday. His family is big on Christmas, so I don't care that we do that every year. BM's parents lived in the same town as DH's parents, but BM never goes to see her family, so it is on DH every year to make sure the skids see their maternal grandparents. Yeah, it's pretty effed up. The skids are spoiled like crazy at DH's parents' place. So, yeah, I get why SS is upset, but still.
SD is 18 and in college. She was fine with not going and she was also miffed that SS cried to grandma. She gets why we aren't going and is actually just grateful that we are still going to be taking her to grandma's when we do go, considering that she is already an adult.
BM would rather DH take the skids more than she does, so she's happy that we take them every Christmas. DH always wants the skids so he's happy with the arrangement too. I'm the only annoyed one in the whole arrangement,
Adding:
Adding:
I have a Christmas baby, too. Well, days within Christmas. Focus on that. And how EXCITING!
I agree with the others. If grandma wants to cover ALL travel expenses - let her.
Please enjoy the time they
Please enjoy the time they are gone! Grandma is paying, correct? Still annoying when they act like spoiled brats but look at the bright side...no skids for Christmas
Grandma is helping pay. I'm
Grandma is helping pay. I'm not sure what that means but I assume up to half, which means we'll still be paying at least $350. But, you're right. at least I don't have to deal with SS for Christmas.
Let them go.
Let them go. Having them out of your hair while you are giving birth and enjoying your time with the new baby is priceless. You have a built in excuse to turf the whiny brat. "Grandma is taking you for Christmas - yea!" Normally SMs have to move heaven and earth to get 5 minutes with their husbands and are told, even by fellow SMs that they are selfish horrible people for wanting even that small thing!
Talk to Grandma, let her know that you are strapped with the upsoming costs of the baby and the money you already shelled out for the summer visit, and make arrangements for the ticket purchase now. Then stop thinking about it and enjoy knowing you will actually have a chance at "peace on earth" this holiday season!