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Let's see if this backfires on you, SS

New_to_this's picture

For backstory, SS has a history of emotional manipulation, depression, and buying video games with his mother's credit card without permission (in my opinion, also known as credit card fraud). So, SS's new therapist e-mailed DH a long message after SS's last appointment. I assume SS complained to her about losing his screens...a lot. (I was told that he lost his xbox at BM's house permanantly after this round of credit card fraud, but both DH and BM aren't great at follow-through and SS knows how to manipulate them.) Anyway, the therapist sent a message basically saying that DH and BM should no longer take away screens for negative behavior. Instead, SS should only earn screens after positive behavior and she listed about 100 or more chores/things that he could do to earn screen time.

SS currently has zero chores, unless you include brushing teeth, taking a shower, and doing homework...yeah. So, I'm just laughing inside. Whatever SS thought he was going to get out of telling his therapist that everyone is mean to him and how depressed he is without his screens will hopefully backfire on him [I'm speculating what he said to his therapist, since he has told DH in the past that he needed an xbox in our home, not just his mom's home, because it prevented him from having suicidal thoughts (apparently the nintendo Wii and switch in our house wasn't enough)]. Not holding my breath though...I'll just have to wait and see how DH implements this in our household.

Comments

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Honestly if DH can do it the idea is great. Instead of losing something for bad behavior he gains something for good. He has to work for it instead of already having it. Now of course that means DH would have to do his part in enforcing.

Step-girlfriend's picture

Ohh, I kind of like this. Not only does SS no longer get his screens back for doing absolutely nothing except refraining from committing credit card fraud, he has to help around the house (win for you), and learn some responsibility! Yes!

momjeans's picture

Has he ever switched therapists, or is this his first and only?

Out of curiousity, what kind of games does he play on Xbox? 

Siemprematahari's picture

Yeah let the f@ckery begin!

Why not have him do chores (which he should have anyway) and still take away all his screens. SS still has to prove himself "worthy" of these items.  I wouldn't negotiate anything else.

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Because honestly it’s a real life lesson. You do the work, you get the goods.

Right now the boy has no screens. You think he’s going to pick up a broom just because he’s told to? If he doesn’t what do they do? He has no real incentive. This gives him that and puts it all on him. He can play…. He just has to do chores… No one is stopping him. Can’t blame mom and dad.

New_to_this's picture

He plays interactive xbox games, which was the complaint by him. He claimed that those games prevented his suicidal thoughts, but the Wii games did not even though they are also interactive. DH didn't give in and buy an xbox though for which I'm glad.

I've disengaged a while back after too much of this stupidity, so it's on DH to figure out how to deal with SS. I forgot to mention that SS claimed to have "borrowed" the video games. He said he planned to pay BM with allowance money he earned from us. Problem - he already lost his allowance with us. Another problem - are you trying to raise a criminal, DH and BM?? If he was standing before a cop or a judge, he can't use the excuse of "borrowing" an item he just stole! Ugh. Call it what it is, so he doesn't do it again, instead of him repeatedly doing this.

I hope this works out for my benefit, but I doubt it. I just thought it was funny that SS will now have to do chores to get screens.

Chmmy's picture

You are so right. Kids dont understand real world consequences cuz parents dont allow them to suffer consequences. 

lintini's picture

This sounds familiar.  Two years ago SSstb17 spent 6k ... yes, 6k $ on BM's credit card on xbox. 

She was still going to take him on a trip to Peru but eventually changed her mind and they didn't go. No punishment was made besides that. 

She's such an idiot for letting him put her card on there. She's raised him like he's her equal.

tog redux's picture

Honestly, it's not a bad plan for some kids.  If you take everything away from a kid, they feel there is no point in trying because they can never get everything back.  So if he meets expectations (and they should be high), he can earn back some screen time. 

HOWEVER, the caveat to this is - he sounds like he has a video game addiction, which is now a diagnosable condition.  So in that case, the therapist should be helping him to recognize that using games to help mental health issues is just the same as smoking weed to help with them, or using other drugs. He needs to develop other coping skills and learn how to have a balanced relationship with gaming.

New_to_this's picture

Just updating this for my own reference. I was right not to hold my breath. Looks like the way SS earns screen time is by doing stuff that normal people should be doing anyway - brushing teeth, taking showers, and doing homework. No other chores will be involved in this "new" plan. I guess the way DH is implementing this is that SS will gain chores if he does something wrong, he will no longer lose screen time. I tried to complain about this new system as it seems really lenient and doesn't teach SS anything and there is nothing that will stop him from stealing or doing other things that are wrong because there is no consequence. I stated that he just won't do any chores given to him and it wouldn't make a difference to him. But DH just kept stating that I didn't understand.

I guess I don't understand. Looks like SS won.