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Another low for SS, DH's head in the sand

New_to_this's picture

I gave DH two birthday celebrations. One was yesterday since that was his actual birthday. I made his favorite dinner and his favorite cake. I also prepared a nice dinner and a cake today too because the skids weren't here for his actual birthday. I prepared the type of dinner and cake that the skids would want if it was their birthday.

Knowing that we were celebrating his dad's birthday and that we were having food that he really likes, SS13 on his way over to our house for the family celebration, decided to go find some friends and have dinner with them. And DH wonders why I can't stand his son. DH even goes to lengths to be super nice to him the rest of the night when he eventually comes home.

And, DH got pissy at me for taking his sister and not him to the dollar store when I needed one item for a halloween costume. Umm....really DH....SD17 is not talking to him right now because he did a super sh*tty thing to her a week ago, she knows exactly what she wants at the store, and she has money. She had dinner and cake with us and I enjoy her company, so why should I subject her to him too. Plus, even though you are over it, I'm still pissed he didn't celebrate your birthday. Add to that, I don't want to deal with figuring out whether he has money, knowing that he has no clue what he wants, and just wants to go waste my time and spend money carelessly.

DH then immediately told SS that he would be taking him to the dollar store tomorrow and asked him what he needed. SS, in usually fashion, told him he had no clue.


witch.hazel's picture

He actually had to make it up to the kid that his sister got to go to the DOLLAR STORE????

That is super ridiculous. I guess if the dollar store is really that special, you guys did a good job making them appreciate the little things, lol......

strugglingSM's picture DH is similarly accommodating to the SS who claims that DH is always picking on him and that he can't stay at our house without calling his mom twice a day because he "has anxiety". DH is now scared to say anything about homework that doesn't get passed in or schoolwork that doesn't get done, because this SS always has a fit when DH says something and according to BM, "he feels as if he can't be proud of himself because you're always telling him he isn't good enough." Um, yeah, when you're in elementary school and you can't be bothered to do the very minimal homework you get, then yeah, your dad should say something to you.

Now, we just accept bad grades and missing assignments because DH doesn't want to "drive SS away".

Also, it's dumb that your DH is mad at you for doing something nice for one of his kids. As if being a SM wasn't hard enough, now you have to not do anything nice for one kid, because the other kid might have hurt feelings.

thinkthrice's picture

Dirty little secret is that SS WILL be driven away even faster now that he has no respect for his Dad, who is walking on eggshells to keep from "upsetting" SS and BM.

thinkthrice's picture

DH's spouse is his son and not SM. Guilty parenting ought to be a crime punished by sterilization.

New_to_this's picture

Just an update. I ended up talking to DH about it late last night. He told me that he completely understood why I didn't want to take SS to the store and respected it, however, he felt that because I took SD it was his responsibility to offer SS the opportunity to go. I don't agree, but as long as he wasn't pissy because I didn't take SS, I feel better about it.

Also, to add, the reason why DH was up late was because SS was texting him because he was upset about a girl because her parents were strict. SS is 13 and DH just started hearing about her last week. Before DH confronted SS, he wanted my opinion. I told him straight up. One, SS is immature and should not be having a girlfriend when he can't even take care of himself. Two, SS is manipulative and guilted his sister by feigning a suicide threat (the reason why she isn't talking to him), so how do you think he would handle a girlfriend breaking up with him or even just saying no to him. Three, good for her parents for being strict. I would also put restrictions my 13 year old.

Well, DH talks to SS and it turns out that SS asked his "girlfriend" to go out on a date and her parents said no. SS was trying to get DH to somehow make her parents let her go on a date. Yeah...the kid's a piece of work. At least DH listened to me and had an earnest conversation with him about not manipulating people.

Gwynnafaye's picture

I didn't let my girls start one-on-one dates until they were 16. Out with a group of friends - okay. Going to the movies with parents - okay. Even now, occasionally, I'll be the "strict" parent when my girls ask me to. My DD was invited to a party once that she wasn't comfortable going to. There was a lot of peer pressure, and she asked me ahead of time to say no when she asked to go when her friend was on the phone. It was funny watching her "complain" to her friend that I was too strict. In my own opinion, 13 is WAY to young to start dating.