New stepmom here
Hi everyone, let me just start out by saying I am so thankful to have found this forum.
A little backstory, I married an amazing man who has a 3 year old daughter (L) with a one night stand. BM is a total nightmare but DH is disengaged from her and it is strictly about raising their daughter. Before I moved in he had his daughter one night a week. After me living in his house for a few months we talked about having her more because we noticed how L would often misbehave and we heard people talking that BM is not doing the best job in teaching her right from wrong. My DH works until late at night so much of the responsibility fell on me. I now realize how misguided this decision was and that was my fault, so please no one point out that I shouldn't of been so eager to be a stepmom right away.
At times L is great but other times she drives me crazy. She acts like a little brat and is my DH's apple of his eye. I understand a daughter is an amazing gift but the little girl really isn't well behaved. I have little patience for this so I will put her in time out, take away things, etc. I am trying to disengage from her and my parenting responsibilities but this causes extreme blowouts between DH and me by him claiming I don't love L and don't want to be a stepmom towards her. I love my husband dearly and when L isn't here things are fine between us. Once he's around she refuses to do anything with me and only wants her father to do everything for her. It sometimes sucks because I bend over backwards sometimes to make sure she is in our house so my husband can see his daughter, but I feel like a babysitter.
I'm looking for advice or suggestions to somehow try to disengage from both of them so I can have my sanity back.