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sad little stepmom

newstepmommy's picture

well... today is officially one month away from our 1 year anniversary... and i'm 11 months into living with my new husband and 10 year old stepdaughter. I love them and our lives SO much..... but, I have some jealousy issues with her biological mom!

I really wish my stepdaughter were mine and that I didn't have to share her with anyone. We have a wonderful relationship and I love being with her. I get really sad, and mad, when her mom tries to arrange to get her on nights that are supposed to be "ours" just b/c her dad isn't going to be around. Like I have no rights to my stepdaughter (which I suppose I don't) but also with zero consideration of my feelings or my desire to be with her daughter.

anyway, i guess it seems ridiculous for me to feel this way - but i really really do. I need somebody to set me straight on what are reasonable expectations for me - should i limit how much i love my stepdaughter so it isn's so disappointing when i realize that she really isn't mine.


happy mom's picture

It's good that you are getting along well w/your SD. I get along w/my SS too but we don't talk much, he is 9. I can't open myself up to him because I don't get along with his mom. It's 6 yrs now for me in this relationship. There is nothing wrong with the SS but it's his irritating mom that irritates me. It's been hard for me because I do want the mom out of the picture but no choice but deal with it until son turns 18. Keep up the relationship w/your SD and don't feel jealous w/the mom. She'll always be in the picture and you can't change that. Did you think about having your own child?

Dawn-Moderator's picture

First of all, welcome!! I know exactly how you feel! I wish I could give you a solution but I am still trying to figure it all out myself. My husband and I will be married 5 years on May 5th.

In my case biomom wasn't involved at all in the beginning so I had to do a lot. Now, after eight years she is trying to assert herself. That makes it even harder on me. Especially since she doesn't always do things that are productive to say the least.

Talking about it with others that can relate to my situation helps me. I hope it will help you.