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The Spaghetti Incident?!

newlywed1112's picture

SD6 (soon to be SD7 in a couple of weeks) is an incredibly picky eater. DH and I have her every other weekend, as well as twice during the week for meals. We have taken pains to make meals that she likes-fried chicken, pizza, tacos...you know, kid-friendly meals that always include a vegetable, protein and starch.

Side note about the vegetables-SD will only eat green beans and carrots. So we eat...green beans or carrots when she's with us for dinner. Any variations on this (yellow green beans, or carrots with something mixed in with them) result in an hour of coaxing and yelling, tears and pleas for bathroom breaks.

SD has a real problem with eating anything that doesn't come from McDonald's, Burger King, or Taco Bell because that's precisely what BM feeds her every day for breakfast and dinner. SD also lacks table manners (although she's improving) because they don't sit down and eat at the dinner table. They eat around the TV.

Up until a few months ago, she's always been pretty decent about eating what's on her plate (and really, why shouldn't she? It's all food she likes!) Lately, though, it's been a battle. It seems like when she's done eating, she's just DONE. And she's got a whole battalion of excuses: she has to go to the bathroom, she's cold, her head hurts, she's tired...on and on and on.

Anyways, after 3 years of planning our meals around her tastes, I finally got fed up after last night's spaghetti dinner. I put a smaller serving than usual of spaghetti on her plate (BM helpfully took her out for pizza as a "snack" before dropping her off at our house) and withheld the garlic bread that she loves until she'd made some progress with her meal. After eating about a quarter of what was on her plate (and guzzling all her milk), the excuses started rolling in: she was full. Her head hurt. She cried. And nearly dropped her cup of milk.

All in all, it took this child almost an hour to not quite finish a measly, mouse-sized portion of the meal that we made KNOWING that it's something she would enjoy. And she still whined and cried the entire meal, making it miserable for me and DH.

So, no more "special" meals. We're eating what we want, when we want, even if it's on a day when SD is eating with us. And it's about time for some broccoli and cauliflower, I'd say.

Comments

justa102's picture

I'm with you on this one too. My parents never gave me a choice. It was either eat or go hungry. This one is off-topic but I always loved the line my dad gave me when I was a kid when I didn't finish my food, "There are people in other country's that are starving that would LOVE this food."

But I agree with Mazzy. Make what you eat. However, I wouldn't go too far from the ordinary. I can understand how frustrating it is to have to deal with that. SK's only come over for one night. So when FDH picks them up he picks up fast food. BM doesn't mind I guess.. So.. whatever. If I don't have to cook that's fine with me! And in the morning it's simple pancakes, french toast or cereal and surprisingly FDH makes it. So I kinda get off easy on that one. But if it were me, I'd seriously make what I normally make and if she eats it she eats it, if not oh well. She won't die from missing one meal. When she asks for a snack or whatever, that's when I'd say, "You eat dinner first then get a snack later and you didn't eat your dinner so you don't get a snack."

B22S22's picture

What I used to do with my kids:
When I would get that "I'm full" excuse, I'd tell them fine. Then you're done. BUT NO SNACKS AT ALL THIS EVENING. Nada, zip, zilch, zero.

I didn't care if 2 hours later they were crying from stomach cramps, I'd tell them to drink some water (I wouldn't even allow more milk, or sodas, or anything like that). But I tell you what... it only took a few times of this before they finally realized they weren't going to whine about dinner then end up getting rewarded with oreos a little while later.

Headache? go lay down. shouldn't watch TV or run around playing when you have a headache.

Tired? Then it's bedtime for Bonzo.

Cold? You might be coming down with something.... you need to go rest in your room.

As moms, we have built in answers for everything.......

Auteur's picture

ha ha "bedtime for bonzo!" I used to use that phrase with my bios!! I started using it for GG's kids but it was "too harsh" and they never had bedtimes at our house for YEARS nor did they have any at the Behemoth's hosue.

I've used ALL of those classic parenting "come backs" that have worked for AGES!! And they all work!! But of course the guilty daddy/PASinator BM scene changes all that. . .it becomes:

Headache? Then you get to miss school with lots of ice cream and treats.
Tired? Stay up and watch more TV
Cold? Here's a snuggie and climb into mommykins/daddykins bed snooky wookums!
Bored? Let me take you to disneyland
Don't want to do your homework? It's ok, you don't have to.

forestfairy's picture

My parents used the "bedtime for bonzos" for my sisters and I too. Too harsh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

thefunmommy's picture

B22S22- I do exactly the same thing with my skids, with the difference of, if they don't eat it, it stays on the table. If they get hungry later, they get dinner-cold. They complain, I tell them they should have eaten at dinner time. This is mostly because they try to use it as an excuse to stay up past bedtime if they've eaten nothing. I truly get sick and tired of making breakfast/lunch/dinner, even things I know they like, and having them complain and throw fits. And heaven forbid you put vegetables on their plates or in other foods.

Auteur's picture

STOP the MADNESS!! NO more kid friendly meals. GG (biodad I live with) went down that route for years despite my warnings against it and it was a DISASTER!! In my case all three skids, when at the BMs, eat out at fast food places/"kid-friendly" (GAWD i HATE that term) restaurants for every meal. Or if it's from home, it's a brightly coloured, loaded with chemicals, over sweetened and salted as well as artificial dyes frozen box out of the freezer.

Make her take a "no thank you" bite. She has to taste, chew and swallow. That is her "no thank you" bite. DO NOT make special stuff for her. This sends a message that she is the QUEEN of the house when you are in her "royal presence." Bad stuff! Too many kids nowadays are getting assigned "adult spousal status" by their bioparents.

Don't make it an argument and look up child mealtimes on the John Rosemond site.

the_stepmonster's picture

This! I've found that 9 times out of 10 the kids don't know what they like or don't like. DH used to feed his kids nothing but fast food and pizza until we got married. Now that our money is combined we make all meals when they are with us and use the money we save for fun stuff. These kids never had my cooking before and I have only gotten a couple requests for non-repeats (I got adventurous and tried serving them chicken and vegetable stir fry). Nonetheless, they were told thank you for your opinion, but that is what you will eat today and tomorrow I will make something different. If kids are hungry they will eat.

We really should start a No Red Carpet campaign and see if it takes off. I'm over kids being treated like adults and having the ability to make household decision. Who's with me?

DaizyDuke's picture

Even Dr.'s say to NOT make special things for kids. If they are hungry enough they will eat what is put in front of them... you might have a week of miserable dinners before this sinks in with SD, but in the long run you'll be better off for it.

Jsmom's picture

We make whatever I want...I cook so I decide. The kids get some input, but that is when they want to try something new. My Steps were difficult eaters when I came along and now SS is great. He asks for mussels and tilapia now. So make what you want and I see nothing wrong with trying new stuff, it makes them more open to them. The rule is that they have to eat what we give them. We don't give too much, so it works out. As for the bread, we have to limit SS and same with his milk. He will fill up on those if we let him.

Get creative on meals and have variety and then everyone is happy sometimes. But, no one is ever happy all the time.

newlywed1112's picture

The "SD-friendly" meals are coming to a screeching halt. We were dropping her off last night and I was thinking about how miserable it is when we make an effort to make something she likes and when we don't. It's a no-win situation. Frankly, I'm tired of dealing with her eating habits and theatrics at mealtime. Amazingly, her "headache" cleared up right after she cleared her plate and left the table last night. Incredible.

Auteur's picture

Most importantly, is DH backing you? If he doesn't and undermines your efforts it can be a real problem.

Sometimes these biodads get afraid that their child won't want to come and see them if they don't get what they want to eat, do what they want to do, etc.

Prince Hygiene always had "headaches" when it came to eating nutritious home cooked meals; his dad would "buy" it then reward him with a big bowl of choco ice cream, cookies, syrup etc. for NOT eating his supper. One time I was boiling mad b/c GG REFUSED to see through his antics. While he was snuggling with daddykins on the sofa and eating his gigantic frozen reward for not eating dinner, I said "how's that headache, PH?" The little bugger didn't make eye contact and said "fine" very casually as he was taking in Spongebob.

:sick:

I sincerely hope your DH stays with you on the same page!! GOOD LUCK!! I also heard "you can't just SPRING nutritious home cooked meals on them; you have to do it g-r-a-d-u-a-l-l-y" IOW, NEVER! BULLSHIT!

B22S22's picture

"Sometimes these biodads get afraid that their child won't want to come and see them if they don't get what they want to eat, do what they want to do, etc."

O/T, but my DH told me yesterday morning that if he took computer time away from the SK's and made them sit at the kitchen table and do homework (end of last 9 weeks: between the two of them they had 60+ assignments not turned in or tests not taken) they would just "quit coming over"

>snort<

newlywed1112's picture

Thank goodness, yes, DH is just as sick of her theatrics as I am. It's difficult to administer punishments on days when she's just eating with us and not spending the night. He did tell BM about her craziness at dinner, for what that's worth (not much, in my opinion). I agree with you about "gradually easing them into the home cooked meals." They're not hot baths for pete's sake! These children need to grow up. BOGUS!

12yrstepmonster's picture

Talk about picky. SD would hate my spaghetti and only eat hers dads.....I wanted to scream HEY SD its the same generic noodles and the same jar of Ragi- because I gave up making mine with such picky eaters.

Willow2010's picture

I have NEVER understood why some people force kids to eat like that. If they are full, then they are full. This kid just ate pizza and you tried to force her to eat again and got upset when she said she was full? Not downing you, just trying to understand why you would do that…What is the point?

I suggest…giving her small portions, if she eats then great, if not, she gets no snack later. If she whines about it, send her to her room to whine.

newlywed1112's picture

Willow, SD says she's "full" all the time. She can be full after just a few bites. I've also seen her eat 3 hot dogs and complain that she's hungry an hour and a half later. "Full" is just her way of saying she's bored/tired/ready to get up from the table. Her pizza "snack" was 3 hours before dinnertime, so she should have had plenty of time to be ready to eat. I suspect that if we'd had fast food, it wouldn't have been a problem.

Definitely on board with sending her to her room to whine...no TV in there like the 2 she has at BM's house.

Anonymous_stepmom's picture

Whoever doesn't like pasta is nuts. lol

However been there, done that. SD is good with eating, SS not so much, he picks at his food and throws it on the floor, he's dropped his food on the floor before so he doesn't have to eat it, will throw it out when you aren't looking, he's even started food fights before just so he doesn't have to eat, he is very ill mannered at the table, my 1 year old does a better job at eating then he does. Someone suggested before to put a bib on him and see if it would smarten him up, I'm sooooooooo trying it next time! He always ends up with food from the top of his head to his waist area with food all over the floor. Can't say my dog minds though. He is getting better though with being picky, he will try things now and actually eat a decent size but he is still very ill mannered and eats like he's just starting solids. I don't understand why? His sister isn't like that at all!