Future Step Parent but from a toxic divorce! Need Advice!
Hi, looking for some advice on how to handle this situation I am in. I am 30 years old (I have no children) and my fiance is 45, he is recently divorced (2.5 years) and has 3 children ranging in age from 10 - 16 years. His divorce was not pleasant and his ex has made it nearly impossible for the children to be okay with it. She has "poisioned" their minds to think that I am a bad person who has ruined their lives and the kids refuse to see their father and even come to our home becasue my stuff is in the house. My fiance and I are getting married next June and I have yet to meet his children. We bought a house last september together. They have recently requested that they want to start coming again on weekend but only if I leave every other weekend and live somewhere else. There mother is encouraging this request, saying "I should be able to understand that I am marrying a man with children, and asking me to leave every other weekend is the least I can do." I personally, and my fiance agrees, feel like I should not be asked to leave my home to accommodate this-- where would I even go?
The children have requested to chat with me, via video, but we have said we can chat face to face. They want to ask me why I will not leave my house on the weekends and tell me why they are upset with me for marrying their father. Any advice on how to handle this, what to say? I dont have my own children, I feel like I am a nice person and would love for them to get the opportunity to see that instead of listening to what their mother says about me. Meanwhile I have never met the mother. Any advice is much appreciated.
The mother also has a significant other-- but its okay because the kids like him and he doesnt live with them.
**There mother has told them that it is all my fault that there family is broken. Their father and I were friends before the divorce and got together post-divorce. What the children (because theyre children) dont understand is you cant break up a relationship that is truly happy. Their parents relationship was on the rocks for about 5 years before the divorce. Their mother has brought them into every aspect of the divorce from private infomation to financial needs. It has been a rough expierence. I truly love my fiance and cant wait to marry him. I just wish his children could understand how much he loves them and theyre missing out on so many memories!
I will take any opinions or advice or similar stories!