So now DH has to become funtime dad?
When last we left our never-ending chronicle, infuriating BM had filed a petition for sole custody of the SKids based on DH's refusal (which it wasn't) to allow therapy for them and the "degradation" of the sibling relationship that has resulted from SS refusing visitation since July.
DH and I spoke with an(other) attorney, who agrees that her filing is ridiculous, but who thinks that the court will find enough material change in circumstances to justify further investigation. We will likely be referred for mediation and assigned a GAL.
As of now, DH doesn't want to bring on an attorney, based on how expensive it would be. We got what felt like good coaching as to how to handle court on our own.
Meanwhile SS has started therapy. The therapist called DH on Thursday to talk about the two sessions they've had. She had the boy develop a list of things that are fun for him to do with Dad. Of course all of the things involved spending money (which isn't happening) and involved only the boy and DH, rather than the entire family. So I guess if you hate your SM and Stepsib, all you have to do is refuse visits, and then you can get all the SS-Daddy time you want, because for some reason it's DH's job to be only funtime dad from here on out. Apparently, DH has to convince this little brat that he's worthy of him?! And on top of it, the therapist's BS (she's lovely, but this is all BS to me), I had a full on panic attack at the idea of this little turd coming back to my house. I don't trust him, I don't trust his mother, and I don't want him in my house until I can have faith that hag isn't going to file some false allegation against us!
Meanwhile, last night, DH cracked. He fully melted down. I know that the stress of all of this is killing him, but he tries so hard not to let it show--and to deny that he's feeling anything at all. In all the PAS literature, there's not a lot of recognition of the pain that the rejected parent goes through. It's mostly about the kid and the alienating parent. But I saw the real pain last night.
I'm mostly venting, but as always, advice is appreciated.
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Comments
"Apparently, DH has to
"Apparently, DH has to convince this little brat that he's worthy of him?! "
I like how you worded that. Sadly, this has happened in DH's life with his oldest child, my SD. In all fairness perhaps my SD really didn't feel like that about my DH....maybe she was just selfish, yet I've always gotten the impression that he wasn't worthy enough on his own merit....as well as his "side of the family" including myself and her half sisters, my bios.
The pain of undeserved parental alienation is a life altering burden that my husband has carried for many years. This pain is so deep, so personal, and something he has had to live with. As much as I'd like to tell him it's okay and I understand, the truth is I really don't. She wasn't MY child.
I've been married to my DH for 27 years and we've gone through so much together. We share so many of the same sorrows, as well as joys. Those experiences are ours but this experience is his. I used to think that because we had our own children together, children that he got to be a full time dad to, that somehow it would make up for his loss. I now see that while it may help it doesn't change the fact that the relationship with his first born daughter isn't where he'd like it to be and never will. We both know that the fastest way to her heart is through his wallet. As long as we're paying she'll give him her full attention....Sad but true. He was willing to be used like that for many years but now I'm seeing he's finally had enough. If she wants a active relationship with him she can have it anytime only he's not willing to pay for it anymore.