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Update after me and step-dad talked. Step-sister's mom is the worst!! you wouldn't believe what she did!!!

needhelp2018's picture

Sorry for not updating in a while, I've just been really busy with things

For those just reading this, i'll give you guys a bit of backround info(or just look at my previous posts). I'm a 21 year old guy whose developed feelings towards my step-dad. I kept this to myself cause i didn't want my step-dad or my mom to find out. The only one who knew was my older sister(26). Me and my step-dad have a pretty great relatonship and I didn't want to lose that (bio dad has been out of the picture since i was 12 and moved to a different province to be with his new wife and hasn't talked to me and my sister since-) nor did i want my mom to think i would ever try something cause i would never. My mom has been there for me my entire life, she had always put the needs of me an my sister above hers. Me and my sister are the people that we are today cause of her, so breaking her trust is something that I would NEVER do!. Step-dad found out my feelings cause my step-sister(15) (who i now call the antichrist) showed him my journal and I literally ran out of the house and drove all over the city and ended up staying the night at my sister's house. I called him the following day after and we agreed to talk the next day. My step-dad told my mom the jist of what happened except what was actually in my journal cause he didn't want to make me feel anxious-he actually is the best! 

We ended up meeting at the house and just went for a walk and ended up at a park near by and we sat on the bench and talked. normally having a conversation of this nature would be really awkward and embarassing, but since we have such a close and open realationship it wasn't too bad(Thank god!). I basically told him that i never intended on him finding out and i really didn't want him to think any less of me, and i don't want him think of me as some kind of freak. My step-dad is like your typically jock type dad. He is tall, me and him go to the gym 7 times a week, he's addicted to sports-like it's almost an obession. He was actually in tears! he told me that he could never hate me and that he would always love me no matter what. He  told me that me and my sister are just as important to him as my step-sister (when mom and step dad  got married 6 years ago, i was 15 and my sister was 20 and he made vows to us too), he also said that i was his only son and that a dad could never hate his son no matter what(kids consists of my sister,me, and step-sister. Mom and stepdad don't have kids together). Both of us got pretty emotional. I not only consider my step-dad a male authority figure in my life, but i also consider him my best friend too. I told him that i'm gonna disengage from my step-sister when she's at home (every second week) cause i don't trust her anymore and my interactions with her from now on will be short, sweet, and to the point. Noting more and noting less. He said that he appricated the fact that i'm not completly ignoring her like my sister is (she was a brat to her too). The parentals deal with her most of the time now. She hasn't been going into my room aymore. Both mom and stepdad are very vigilant around her. She has finals coming around and both mom and step-dad agreed that i am not to help her anymore with school( she is struggling hard with science and math and since i just graduated recently with a double major in cell biology and organic chemistry, i was the best person to help her. NOT ANYMORE), remind her to do her chores , and picking her up and dropping her off anywhere. My intereations with my step-sister since are brief but i am always polite to her. 

The following  week i got my accepted into 3 different medical schools!!! i was super happy. My manager actually let me leave work early cause i wanted to rush home and tell mom and step-dad.Ever since i was a kid i always wanted to be a doctor. When me and my sister were younger, i was ALWAYS the doctor and she was always the patient. I got home around noon and i knew mom and stepdad were going to be home around 6ish. I basically deicded that i was going to make a nice dinner and tell them. . i went to the walmart and got everything. i make a pretty mean pot roast. mom even says it's better than hers. so anyways the pot roast is going, i make a stir fry, cut fresh fruit for a fruit salad, got garlic bread and i even made cholcate cake from scatch (i was in such a good mood, someone could have asked me to make food for 30 people and i would have done it). mom comes home around 5:30ish and she's in awe. i invited my  sister  and she was like" wow", step-dad came at 6:30ish with step-sister and he was also in awe. Don't really care about step-sister. she's just there, but everyone did talk to her to make her feel included, i did too, so she didn't fell felt out. . Anyways everyone is eating having a good time, making conversation whatever. Stepdad asked me" what's up with the feast?", so i basically told them i got into the 3 medical schools that the appiled to. I was gettting congraulated my everyone except stepsister(again don't really care about it). Mom asked me which one i was going to for sure. I told her that i was staying at the uofa cause so i don't have to leave and the program is better than the other 2. I was still in shock cause i didn't think i would actually get into one let alone all 3. when i got the interviews i still didn't think i would make it in.everyone is happy for me! (mom, stepdad, sister) they all get up to give me hugs and stepdad and mom are happy that i don't have to move away for school (not gonna lie i kinda am too). Well my step-sister just got up from the table and just left. she stomped up the stairs and slammed her door HARD! the mood was complety ruined! stepdad exused himself and went upstairs to see what her issue was. Mom was pissed, my sister and me didn't really care. Within like 5 minutes both of them were yelling. We didn't feel confortable just sitting and listening to them fight, we picked up our plates and went onto the porch and just chilled there for a bit. The mood was runied!!! stepdad came back and he just looked fed up. he apologized  to me several times and i told him it was alright. Mom and stepdad went inside to talk leaving me and my sister outside. This girl complety changed the atmosphere of the whole house in a matter of minutes!! the next thing i know her mom is coming to get her and stepsister is gone. We went back to eating dinner but the atmosphere was kinda awkward. You guys won't believe what happened the next day! i wake up to a very lengthy text message from  what i'm assuming is why step-sister's mom saying that "i'm ruining the relationship her daughter has with her dad!" and saying that i should "back off!" 

I'M SORRY FOR THE SWEARING. WHAT THE F##K!!! HOW AM I RUINING THE RELATIONSHIP YOUR DAUGHTER HAS WITH HER DAD. REALLY!!!! YOUR DAUGHTER'S REALATIONSHIP WITH HER DAD IS NOT MY PROBLEM!!! I TRIED TO BE A BIG BROTHER TO YOUR GOOD FOR NOTING DAUGHTER AND I GOT THROWN UNDER THE BUS AND NOW I'M ACCUSED OF RUINING THE REALATIONSHIP  SHE HAS WITH HER DAD (MY STEP-DAD). LIKE REALLY!!! I'M NO PARENT BUT I THINK THAT IS WAS VERY INAPPROPRATE FOR HER TO TEXT ME THIS!! LIKE THIS IS BETWEEN YOUR DAUGHTER, YOU, AND HER DAD(MY STEPDAD). THIS HAS NOTING TO DO WITH ME!!! THE PROBLEM ISNT WITH ME, THE PROBLEM IS WITH YOUR F##KING  DAUGHTER!!! LEAVE ME THE F##K OUT OF THIS!!!!!. I didn't message back. Believe me i wanted to but mom raised me better than that. i showed my mom and stepdad the text. Both were pissed as f##k. mom wanted to go to step-sister's house and let her mom have it. stepdad was shocked! he and mom went into their room to call her .Even tho their door was closed, i heard everything! mom saying that that text she went was completly inappropriate and how this situation isn't my fault and my stepdad was saying that she was completly out of line and that if there is a problem, then the problem should be addressed with the actual F##KING adults!!! after an hour both of them back out and stepdad said that he was sorry  and they both said that until step-sister and her both don't apologize to me, step-sister isn't welcome in the house. Guess what, the antichrist hasn't been here in a month. I'm guessing she has decided to say with satan's mistress all summer. fingers crossed!!! I really hope i have a drama free summer. Mom, step-dad, myself, and sister are going to our vacation house in Miami for a week next week.

I really don't understand what is wrong with my step-sister?? Did i do something wrong??


futurobrillante99's picture

Please clarify. When you say you have feelings for your stepfather are they romantic or sexual feelings? That would be highly awkward.

congratulations on getting into 3 medical schools.


needhelp2018's picture

Feelings are romantic not sexual and would never try anything with him cause like you said that would be pretty awkward. Sorry for not being clear 

futurobrillante99's picture

I have a hard time understanding how romantic feelings don't also include sexual feelings. Can you explain?

For me, if you're romantically interested in someone, you want to kiss them and have intimate physical contact. I realize some people can be romantic without sex, but romantic physical intimacy usually leads to sexual behavior.

I hope for your sake, you can find a romantic interest more suited to your age and maturity. And while I take no issue with your orientation at all, I do believe that you may be conflating your desires for a father figure with romantic urges, and a therapist may help you separate the two and determine which is which and how to address each in a healthy way.

needhelp2018's picture

I'm really looking forward to start school again!

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Needehelp - I'm not saying what your SS did was right, but I am sure she is still bothered by the fact that you are interested in her father in a romantic way. You didn't do anything wrong.

Do "young people" really still use the phrase "parental?"

24 years as a SM's picture

I agree that Step Sister would be bothered, but the simple fact, SHE invaded His privacy by reading and giving the private journal to her father. This was not anything that OP was going to act upon. Step sister like that in my house would have gotten her ass kicked by my 4'11" daughter.

FrenchPeas's picture

That response made me want to slap my forehead. The kid has explained this already. Had I been a parent, i wouldn’t have followed her upstairs or said a word. I would have stayed with the celebration and given her bad behavior zero acknowledgment. But good job on your folks for standing up for you. And congrats on the schools! You handled things correctly. As for the step brat. She is jealous. Pure and simple. Her plan to ruin things for you didn’t work. 

24 years as a SM's picture

You are so lucky to have a step dad like yours. Let's hope that the Anti-Christ stay away for awhile. I do feel bad for your Step Dad for having such a PITA for a daughter.

StepUltimate's picture

So proud of you for getting accepted at all three schools, that is wonderful. Also glad to hear how well you handled everything that went down. You are a good communicator and your step dad is the good man you knew he was. Even though antichrist tried to blow it up, you did great. Her bad behavior is her choice, NOT your fault. 

Glad you're here writing & getting support.