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needhelp2018's picture

I'm really sorry that this is like a essay! it's just i really complicated situation and i NEED help.

My mom has 2 kids, myself (son-21), and my older sister(26). When my mom first started dating my step dad, i was 12 years old and i was in a really bad place. My mom and my bio dad got divorced and my dad moved to a different province to be with his new woman and complety has ignored me and my sister(really bitter about it. me and my sister both agreed to cut him out too!). Mom and step dad started dating when i was 13 and married by the time i was 15. Before they got married, they both sat me and my sister down and wanted to tell us what is going on and asked if we were okay with it(mom is the best!! she said that if we weren't comfortable with it, she won't do it). My sister was  happy for my mom, where as i was indifferent about it. How i was feeling was noting to do with step-dad btw. i felt alone, abandoned, and invisible but i never took it out on my step dad. How could i? it wasn't his fault. They both asked us if we wanted to ask anything etc. so i basically told him point blank "you can be my friend, you can be my best friend, but not ever try to be my dad. The word "dad" doesn't exist for me". My mom and sister looked a little shocked but they understood what i was going thorugh at the time. My step-dad handled it pretty well! He basically said that he understands what i'm going thorugh and that he would always be there for me and if not a dad then maybe i could consider him a friend one day. Well he became more than a friend. He became one of my best friends! he was true to his word. He taught me how to drive, he took me to hockey games, he helped me get my first job, he bought me a brand new car for my 16th birthday, he was there when i needed to talk to someone, he helped my with my weight issue (when i was 15 i was kinda of the rounder side and now 6 years later, i'm in the best shape of my life). me and him  had a lot of one-one bonding time. You get the point. He is one of the most important people in my life (next to mom of course). I granduated at the top of my class and i got a free ride to university and he took me to LA as a graduation present cause i alwayed wanted to go!. He is the most amazing i've ever come to known. All he does is gives and never asks for anything back. For him, a smile is enough. In a way, he brought me back to life. 

My step dad has a daughter(15) with his previous wife who comes to my house every second week. This girl is crazy!!! she no respect for her dad or my mom (me and my sister didn't really like her so much cause of it). She never did anything! everything had to be done or given to her! She was lazy,rude, and just unpleasant to be around. My sister and myself did things without being told i.e keep up after yourselves, clean your room, clean the washroom, take out the garbage etc but with this girl....HOLY my mom would ask her at least 4 times to do something and she still wouldn't do it. She was so rude to my mom and step dad and they would punish her for it, but she still didn't/wouldn't care. Her performance in school sucked from what i heard and her dad (my step-dad) feared that maybe she would start doing drungs! one night i overheard mom and step-dad talking and they basically were saying that if her behaviour doesn't change, she won't be allowed over anymore. i actually felt bad and sorry for her cause of her actions, she would risk not seeing her dad. Basically i decided to help her out. i started basically being her "big brother". I helped out with her homework,  made sure her chores were done before the parentals would yell at her, dropped her off to school and picked her up, and helped her with her attiude(at her age, who doesn't have one). Within like a month, there was a change. Her grades were getting better, she actually was listening to the parents, she got her leaners!! step-dad didn't knoe how to thank me . Everyone thought that she turned over a new leaf. WRONG!!!

She had a really bad habit for going into my room and taking my things without asking! i would repeatedly tell her not to but sometimes she would do it and say"oops". i would forget about it. My feelings regarding my step-dad are still here. The only one that knows is my sister (she's a psychologist and i am only confortable with tell her right now). She doesn't live at home anymore, so i go to her house to talk to her openly. She basically told me how i was feeling for the past couple of years is totally normal and it is quite common and noting to be ashamed of. Istarted keeping a journal as way to get my feelings out and in the open and hidden at the same time. i never wanted him or my mom to find out. I didn't want my relationship with my step-dad to change or did i want my mom to feel as if i would ever try something cause i would never (not gonna lie, step-dad is pretty nice to look at. i've seen how women look at him)

Yesterday i was in my room just writing in said journal. i wasn't writing about any sexual or anything. Just how i felt about him and how i am working to overcome them. i left my room to use the washroom and as i came back, THE JOURNAL WASN'T ON MY BED!!! i knew my step-sister took it. I ran around the house looking or her and i went downstairs and i'll NEVER forget what i saw. my step sister gave my step dad my journal and he read the page!!!! He looked at me and i did the best thing i could so the moment. i ran to get my keys and ran out of the house. i was crying and shaking so much. step-dad followed me and kept calling me, but i ignored it and ran to my car and drove off. i know it wasn't the right thing to do. Just i felt really exposed and my flight or fight response took over. i literally drove all over the city and parked in a parking lot and just cried my eyes out. As i'm writing this, i'm still crying. i spent hours just drving around the city trying to cool my head. eventually i went to my sister's house and told her everthing that happened. My sister isn't a violent person, but she wanted to go to my mom's place to beat the s.... out of my step sister!!! my sister told me that my step-dad and mom were looking for me cause they were worried cause i didn't call or anything and by how i left the house, they were worried. My sister called my step-dad and mom and them  that i was at her place now. Step-dad wanted to come over to bring me home, but my sister told him to hold up on that. I was shaking and crying like crazy! she said it would be best if  he waits the night and call again tomorrow. I feel so ashamed right now.  like why would my step sister do this to me??? what did i ever do to her??? i jus wanted to help her and this is what i got for it. I feel like my relationship with my step dad and mom is ruined!!! He probably hates me now and my mom will probably want to kick me out(i'm crying while writing this). MY STEP-DAD WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS. MY MOM WAS NEVER SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS.  i don't know about my relationship with the parentals, but I refuse to have a anything to do with satan's mistress!!! what did i ever do to her to deserve this!!! i feel like a betrayed them both. can't even look at myself in the mirror right now cause i feel like a failure 

SOMEONE PLS TELL ME WHAT TO DO??? i really could use help right now!!  i feel like i'm drowning, can't sleep, can't breath, i feel like i'm gonna puke, and i'm crying a lot. i'm really scared


Saint_Gus's picture

Sorry this happened to you. Sounds like your parents are not as devastated as you are or as you think they'd be. A journal is supposed to be a safe place to express and explore feelings. I think since its all out there now just tell them that its not something you'd ever act upon or really understand. Thats why you writein your journal about it. Its embarrassing sure, and the betrayal is so hurtful, but in reality it doesn't have to destroy your relationship with your parents. Only if you allow it to. Embarrassment ALWAYS passes and lessens over time. Its hard but you'll be ok. Are you gay? Were your parents aware of it, if you are? Is that part of the situation that you are dealing with?

needhelp2018's picture

I feel completely and totally violated with what my step sister did. I don' want to ruin my relationship the relationship with my mom and step-dad. That's the last thing I want. I know I have to talk to them. I just don' know how to face them right now. 

I'm bisexual and I've had feelings for girls, but my feelings for step dad are stronger. I was trying to get over it, and I wasn't ready to tell my parents yet. Guess step sister forced my hand 

Fishoutofwater's picture

You did nothing wrong. Why did your stepsister do this? Because she’s a teenage, loves drama, is immature, she probably doesn’t know why she’s would do something so hateful. Might be her mom asking her to stir shit up. Who knows?! Yiu did absolutely nothing to provoke this  and your sister is right... there is nothing to be ashamed of on your part. I know this is terribly embarrassing for you right now. And sometimes you develop feeling of attraction for others but you never acted on those feelings and it’s clear you never intended to hurt anyone or let your feeling for Stepdad be known. Your parents understand this. It’s hard to face them right now but they love you and understand what stepsister did. And you don’t know what your stepdad read, yeah? If you wrote about someone being attractive it could be anyone unless you mentioned him directly in your journal. I know it seems like it’s the end of the world, but It’s not that bad. I think the one who really lost here is your stepsister because she will never have your support or trust again. Things will be okay. If stepdad is as you describe, he might not  tell mom your private writing and address this with you like a dad would with his son...with love and understanding. I hope it all works out, friend. 

needhelp2018's picture

You'e totally right! I don't have anything to be ashamed of. Like you said, I never intended to hurt anyone and I would never act on my feelings regarding my step-dad. As for the journal entry, I was using his name in it. Wished i didn't now

The only thing that I do feel ashamed for is how I actually thought how my step-sister was decent human being( lesson learned). I really hope that my step dad didn't tell my mom everything that happened cause I would be mortified. I really hope that my relationship with my step dad isn't affected negatively by this though. That would crush me

Tara456's picture

Your step-sister is a piece of... She betrayed you, she threw your help in your face, what a dirtbag. But that's simple - she is what she is, snip snip, cut out of your life as much as you can, deal with that later.

For now you have what sound like a super Mum and Step Dad. Nothing in that diary changes that, and let me assure you there'll be no down side from them, your relationship with them will not be affected by this. Hey, he's probably flattered - who doesn't like someone else appreciating them?

Park the anger at your loser stepsister, take it easy, let the shock subside, and meet up with your mum and SF with a smile.

Maria10's picture

I think you should ask the support of your sister(the psychologist) when you finally go home. 

The bandaid has been ripped off and now you can discuss. I truly believe it is not as bad as you think.

As far as the little sis is concerned I wouldn't worry about her. You are not in a position to be around her right now. Your parents should understand.