Need Advice to Move On
My story is long to tell, but in a nutshell, my H and I have 50/50 custody (we are the primary residence)and I am still dealing with issues that transpired from the custody dispute. The BM is a jerk. She claims to the skids that she loves them than anyone else could, but based on her passed actions, it seems she loves herself more. She chooses to live over 800 miles away from them, rarely visits (will spend approximately 3 months with them by the end of the year) and anytime she has the opportunity, convinces the skids that we are the reason she can't be with them. This had driven a wedge between the skids and I. DH's youngest has no respect for me, but I partially blame DH for that; he has no respect for me either. The oldest is apathetic at best. For five years I tried, I really tried, but lately I can't stand it anymore and I am dishing it out as much as I am receiving. I don't hit or call names, but I find myself yelling more often. I hate what the situation has changed me into. I don't even recognize myself. I feel like a monster. The worst part is that my daughter is suffering from seeing my behavior. I have tried counseling many times but it just isn't working to suppress the anger and anxiety I deal with regularly. I still care for the skids, I just don't want to be around them anymore. To top it all off I found out DH had an internet-sexting affair with a co-worker last August. Caught him twice with the same slorebag. After everything I've done for him and his rotten sperm catcher(taking the skids to DRs and Dentists when BM never took them, signing them up for sports and Boy Scouts when BM and DH wouldn't do so, and allowing them to have social lives they never experienced with either parent)I feel like a loser. I allowed both of them to take advantage me and to be honest when the skids treat me like crap I can't help but feel like they are turning out to be just like their parents. Which brings me to today. Before it gets worse, I need to get out. I don't need this anymore. I need a peaceful life. I have put my daughter's and my needs aside for the last five years for DH and his spoiled kids. These days she is emulating what the youngest skid is doing because she sees all the attention he gets from his unacceptable behavior. She's lying all the time like they do and I absolutely hate it. It was not supposed to be this way. The only way I feel I can protect her and reclaim my identity is to leave and start off anew. I don't trust DH anymore and every time the skids treat me with indifference or disrespect it is like a hot poker searing through my chest. DH is never home these days because he works all the time and I am left to tend to his responsibilities. I need advice about how to leave and what resources are available for a soon-to-be ex-stepmother/single parent. Has anyone else found themselves in this situation?
P.S. My daughters Bio dad is not in the picture at this time so there is no support coming in from him. I will be left to go it alone on my own.