The Invitations Went Out
The wedding invitations have gone out.
DH said Starry showed him one the other day. I guess they’re pretty nice. He said the bride and groom’s parents are listed on it. You know like, “Daughter of DH and Luciferette…” And then “Son of Mr. and Mrs. Preach” for Preach’s parents.
DH acted weird about it.
I asked him if he was upset that my name was not listed there. He said, “A little.”
I told him it’s not that big of a deal. You guys are her parents. I had nothing to do with that. I’m his wife, that’s all when it comes to this. He said, “Yeah, but you mean a lot to Starry…”
True. But I don’t need her to put my name on a wedding invitation, listed as one of her parents to prove that. It doesn’t matter. I’m not offended by it because I am not her mother. He doesn’t get it. If I know Luciferette, she would have made a big dramatic stink about this had my name appeared anywhere. I told him I don’t want Starry having any unnecessary grief when it comes to this wedding. She’s stressed out enough.
It’s not like she’s sitting me out in the parking lot during the ceremony. She had ME go to her first fitting two weeks ago, and wanted it to just be the two of us. We had an amazing time. That’s huge. She and I have an understanding, and we don’t get hurt over stuff like this. It’s not necessary.
DH felt better about this after I explained all this. Growing up a COD is tricky. He got off easy because his parents divorced while he was an adult and haven’t spoken in 20 years. He’s never had to work that impossible balance of keeping peace between two hostile sides to maintain a delicate status quo. Not the way Starry and I have in our lives.
- NeedaFunDay's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Good for you. You deserve a
Good for you. You deserve a kind, loving period in your life. You've done well with Starry & kept your integrity throughout the garbage. I like your perspective on who is/is not on a bit of invitation paper.
Bet Luciferette throws a lot drama around before it's done.
We're afraid she will. This
We're afraid she will. This wedding is Starry's dream. And she's worried her mother will do something awful.
I wouldn't be too sure about
I wouldn't be too sure about that: "It’s not like she’s sitting me out in the parking lot during the ceremony." As we all know, as a SM, no matter how well you may think you know your SKs, you cannot assume anything, especially when it comes to family events. Better double-check, and then be prepared for it to possibly even change the day of, as in literally at the last second.
No SM should ever take for granted that she will be treated like her husband's wife at any event. Doesn't matter how long they have been married or how involved SM may think she has been in SKs' lives. Don't mean to put a damper in your positive thoughts about SD's wedding day. Just saying be on your toes, check on things that may or may not involve you well ahead of time, and make as few assumptions as you can on how you'll be treated.
It's easy for people to say it is the bride's special day and she can do whatever she wants, but unless you've gone to an event and had your husband of XYZ years basically stripped from your arms and paired up with some other woman, while you are thrown out in the trash, so to speak, you have absolutely no clue how devastating that can feel. It has nothing to do with your confidence in your and DH's relationship as husband and wife. It has to do with the fact that someone else, totally without your permission, gets to decide who can play man and wife for the day. Society clearly endorses that BM can claim ownership to her ex- husband any time she wants, even years after the divorce and even years after DH has been remarried. DH (unless he has the balls of Godzilla) has no say and you have no say. If you protest, dare say, you will be accused of usurping BM, when in reality it is the other way around. Once you realize and see that as far as society is concerned BM can play wife anytime she wants (with adult SKs going along with this), being a SM will never be the same.
You should probably read my
You should probably read my other blogs. This girl has no respect for her mother at all. At all. And this woman is practically the Antichrist. She’s done so much damage to my stepdaughter it is insane.
I understand your concern, but you are way off here. Starry is not going to throw me aside so she can have her parents pretend to be man and wife for a day. That’s just ridiculous.
She already told her father she doesn’t care if he says, “I do” when it comes to “who gives this woman to be married to this man?”
The advice given was general
The advice given was general advice, meant for all SMs. I agree I went a little overboard with negative probabilities, but I have heard of many SMs getting burned at so-called family events, and weddings in particular. The net is full of such stories, and all I know is for my SD's wedding, I couldn't have been happier for her and I thought we all got along well. DH and I had been married for 15 years at the time (longer than him and BM), and I had basically watched SD grow up. I had no expectations to be treated like BM at the wedding. Most SMs do not. But, I did expect to be treated like my husband's wife, because that was what I was, and expected to be seated with my date/husband. Heck, even people who have only been dating for 3 months generally get to sit together at weddings and receptions as a +1. After all, weddings are about couples.
To make a long story short, and to only mention two of many rebuffs that went on that day, I wasn't allowed to be in any pictures with my own husband of 15 years. And, my husband, unbeknownst to him, wound up walking BM down the aisle, hand in hand. After my husband finished handing out wedding programs, the minister came up to him and told him to take BM's hand and walk her down the aisle. Neither DH nor I had any clue this was coming, and we both sat with the minister the night before at the rehearsal dinner.
I'm sure the bride has her idea of how she would like things to occur for her wedding day, but, believe me, moms, wedding planners and officiates all have their ideas too and some of them can be very exclusive of any SM. Which, to me, is utterly asinine, because no one has the right to act like someone else's spouse doesn't exist for even one hour, much less one day. All I can say is, you never know. There is one well known story on the internet about a SM who wound up paying for just about all of her SD's wedding because dad was unemployed and SM wanted to make sure her SD's day would still be special. Well, SM pretty much wound up sitting at the old folks table, alone, at the reception. That was where she was placed.
Anyway, you take care, and sorry I'm getting long winded about this.
Wow. I’m sorry that happened
Wow. I’m sorry that happened to you. That’s awful. Just awful. I wish your DH would have stood up for the two of you. That wasn’t right what happened.
The biggest stress that Starry has right now is what to do about her mother. She wants her to be there, but she knows Luciferette is nothing but drama and will more than likely ruin her day.
This is why she didn’t have DH or me go with her to pick out her dress the first time. Her mother was going to be there, and in Starry’s words, “Mom will just be ridiculous, and I don’t want things to be awkward for you guys.”
She also had me come to her first fitting alone. Just me and her. She wanted this to be a special moment between the two of us.
And this is huge. Because my life as a SM up until mid-2014 when I first came here was a living hell. I was here three years ago under another name. And none of my blogs are still up because I deleted my first account back in 2015. Back then we were two families under one roof. Things are different now. Starry has grown up and seen just what a monster her mother really is. We never had to tell her and we wouldn’t have. Because we don’t play that way. Her mother has proven over and over to be nothing but a psychopath. If you read my blog from today, you’ll see what I mean.
Anyway, I didn’t always have it well. For 8 years Starry hated my guts because I was her dad’s new wife. And she made sure I knew it. It didn’t help that she had her Nana and Luciferette in her ear about how family is blood only.
But we have all moved past that. Starry and I have moved past that. She calls me or texts me with her problems or if she has a
Question about something. This didn’t happen before.