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Slight vindication and more irritation

NCMilGal's picture

Well, the mental hospital was a bust.

While DH did talk to the social worker (who was WELL aware that BM beats and screams obscenities at SDstb16) and told her that we see ZERO rebellion, defiance to rules, backtalk, or depression, she insists that this episode is ALL SDstb16's fault and "she needs to work on her relationship with BM." She refused to believe that maybe, just MAYBE, SDstb16 is acting out because she is so stressed at home and grasping for any "love" she can find.

I got a slight bit of vindication - SDstb16 informed me that she has given up on having a relationship with the immature 19yo manchild, because the doctors told her that it wasn't good for her mental health and that (what with the pending statuatory rape charges) she has NO CHOICE but to let go. Funny, I think the EXACT SAME WORDS came out of my mouth two days prior, but what did I get? "I caaaaaan't!!" Gah! Ditto for BM - the doctors tell her that severe punishments with no end dates is counterproductive to getting SDstb16 to behave (because she has zero incentive to improve). DH has been telling her that for two years!!

There was a little incident when SDstb16 called us in the midst of a panic attack. She was babbling, and BM took the phone away and hung up on us. It wasn't until BM took over our NEXT phone call that we figured out why... SDstb16 had said something about, "Mom won't let me out of her sight," which is not anything that we would be surprised at, given that she a) had JUST gotten out of the mental hospital and b) was having a panic attack. BM wanted to make certain that we knew that it was the DOCTORS who insisted that SDstb16 was constantly monitoring, and she brought up that phrase as an example of "how SDstb16 is constantly playing us against each other." Funny, BM, I'll bet if it was something negative about US, you'd go all "mama bear" "protecting your child."

BM now wants all four of us (BM and her DH, DH and me) to sit down and "get the rules straight" so SDstb16 can't be so sneakily manipulative. I refuse. I even figured out a polite way to tell her so. But you guys get the cuss-word filled version.

"BM, this is a waste of my f-ing time. You haven't listened to us about parenting for the last five years, and you're sure as hell not going to listen now. I have better things to do than spend an hour kissing your ass, you two-faced loser."

Thanks for letting me vent ladies. SDstb16 arrives next Friday, and I'll bet she is JUST FINE with us, as usual. We're already planning huge cooking endeavors for Christmas and DH's birthday, so we're going to have a good time.


NCMilGal's picture

Scubed, I wish.

The problem is threefold: a) DH and I are military. b) DH and I are out of BM's state, which has jurisdiction, and c) we're dealing with a Deep South state where BM's rights are sacred.

The 'father's rights' attorney we spoke to in August (and I wasn't too impressed with her at $250/hour) stated that even if we alleged abuse, had proof, and SD was willing to state such on the stand in front of BM, we MIGHT have a 25% chance of gaining custody.

SD will turn 16 in less than three weeks, and even the mental hospital told her that her word would have more weight at that point, so maybe we will try just filing for custody based on the wishes of the child, or pay for her to file a modified emancipation request.

Just keeping her is not an option - for one, it's illegal, and our jobs are VERY vulnerable to legal issues. Secondly, we can't place her in school without custody documentation. (the county has that requirement on their website)

Blah - it's a bad situation all around.