First of all, thanks to the mods for the add. I've been a lurker (apologies! I am not creepy!) for a few months now, and commiserating with all of you who have HCBM's in your life. 

Finally signed up yesterday because the drama is picking up steam here and I really, really wanted to vent at what a piece of work the mother of my SO's kids is. 

But maybe a bit of background context first. I have been with my SO for 2 years, and we now reside together, and he shares 50/50 custody with his 4 kids with his ridiculous whack job of an ex. (Am I allowed to make fun of her here?) She steamrolled him into having her way their entire marriage - including how the kids were parented. Their split was hard on him (think PTSD from a narcissistic sociopath) so he did the best he could before he met me, but was probably a big ol' Disney Dad during that time. 

He's come a long, LONG way since then (and is currently in therapy) and has become a wonderful dad, and we have established boundaries, structure, responsibilities and rules for our home. He was deathly afraid his kids wouldn't want to be with him if he had rules, but he's learned since that they're actually okay with that. His kids are all unique, special, thriving more than they ever have, and are really not that much more challenging to parent than any other kids maybe. I have really great relationships with all of them (so far!). 

Me, I'm doing okay as a SM. I come from (back in the day) a decade of experience in school age child care, so I had the experience to share with SO, and the experience to interact with his kids, and I think that's made a world of difference. Though there are days that going from 0 children to 4 in your mid 40's is a huge huge test of one's endurance, haha. 

But then comes... *insert ominous dun dun DUNNN* here... 

HCBM! My SO and I have dubbed her Horror Cow, or HC, Or Cow for short... (we do NOT refer to her as this in front of the children, hahaha)

The ways in which this woman constantly defies reason in her actions is mind boggling sometimes... One day I'll tell the story of the negotiation meeting that was 6 hours long that accomplished nothing in which she wanted to get her way in parenting time... We still laugh over her request. 

But more relevant today is that we're about to embark on what might be a lengthy legal process. We had been meeting with the lawyer to have a new parenting time agreement drawn up, and in that time, she managed to head to her lawyer (who we also laugh at - her lawyer is a one person operation who describes herself with ridiculous superlatives on her own website) and have her lawyer file in the wrong court for spousal and child support. 

She's not entitled to spousal support where we are, and was told at the time of their separation to drop it, because she was the one supporting the family, and would have been on the hook for it at the time had my SO pursued it. But now she thinks she can get it, so off she goes to court to file for it. The child support I wouldn't really argue with, this is LONG overdue to have sorted out. They split in 2018 and neither had jobs at the time (my SO is now gainfully employed in a good field with a decent salary) so support wasn't calculated then. In the process of filing these documents (dated January 12), she was required to fill out a financial statement. Which she lied on. In at least two places. Her assets (she left out pensions) and how much support she was paid by my SO during the year (while they had no agreement, he was sending her $$). She was also supposed to send her most recent pay stub... So she sent one dated November 4 (loads of time for an increase between then and now, this is not suspicious at all, hey?). Insert massive amounts of eye rolling. She also filed in the wrong court, and per their separation agreement, they were supposed to use mediation before litigation, which she did not do, so that's fun... Nothing about a new parenting agreement reflecting updated arrangements, either, just "show me the money!"

Is this too long? Maybe it's too long. I will save the funny phone story for another post. 

Anyhow, I just feel like being able to vent at how awful I think HCBM is without having to censor myself or really give her any benefit of the doubt that she's doing her best. I hope this is okay. She's not. She couldn't even be bothered to make sure her kids brush their teeth or feed them a vegetable now and then... 

And thank you all for the relatable stories I've read so far. I don't have any friends/family with 'steps'.. Nobody really gets it.