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Acceptance of StepKids

MWalker's picture

I'm married to a man that has 2 kids. A 9 year old girl and a 6 year old boy. We have them every other week for a week. Their mother ran out on my husband with her cousin and now they live together. Maybe it's just me but i feel it is so hard to accept his kids into my life. It may sound wrong and selfish but I find it hard to accept another woman's child as mine and into my life. I know they are apart of him and she was before me but it's difficult when the kids constantly talk about her and bring her up and I'm constantly getting compared to her and having to hear about her. When I look at them I see her and it almost gives me an anxiety attack because I start seeing in my mind them together and i wonder what it was like when they were together and made love and I torture myself. I know it's silly but I'm only human. I thought after he and I had our son together things would be different but they aren't and I find it even harder to not resent them. He takes more time with them than he does with our son and when they're here he only really acknowledges me at night. I guess my question is how do you accept kids that are rude and disrespectful to you and their father does nothing about it? He won't discipline them and he let's them get away with EVERYTHiNG! I've been told I'm not her mama and if I dont do something for her or get her something that she wants its ok because her mama will. I'm tired of it and the same crap every week does anyone have any pointers on how I can get over this?

Comments

mommyrose's picture

you and the hubby need to see a therapist...one thatspecializes in blended family situations...good luck...invest in it..

wozeee's picture

I agree with mommy rose. A step family counselor would be ideal for you. I recently discovered stepmom magazine online that has been a valuable resource for me. Blended families have their many challenges, however, by educating yourself through reading, counseling, bloqs etc., you can lessen the stress that comes with it.. Good luck to you. Smile

stepmomfromhell's picture

The kids are not going to stop talking about the things that they experienced with their father as a family with their mother. They will always be saying to their father; Do you remember all of us doing this together, and doing that together? If these children enjoy their memories and like looking through the family photo album together with their father, you will just have to grin and bear it. While this is happening why not take your child out and do something separate while these children walk through memory lane with their father.

I also agree with counseling, it could do you and your DH a world of good.

Ghost Rider's picture

Well you already know what you were getting yourself into when you married him. He already had baggage and that baggage is part of his life so somewhere down the line you had accepted this life style.

The whole you are not my mama thing? Is crap! You live in that home with your husband and there are rules that must be followed. It is no different than taking care of your niece, nephew, or if you were babysitting someone else’s kid. They are to be courteous or have manners and follow the rules of the house hold rather that has to do with not eating in the living room, finish your chocolate milk, stay out of the fridge, and pick up your toys exc.

This whole I have no rights because I am not their mother is bull. I think as a step parent you have some rights and the best I can describe those rights is you treat the step children no different than how you would treat your nieces, nephews, a best friends child you don't mind babysitting. There are rules in your house to keep it a going.

Now as far as the comparing crap. I do not doubt their BM is putting them up to doing that stuff. She probably preps them before they come over. I had one SD who is the youngest when we picked them up for the holidays she was the first one in the car opening her mouth about the past. Daddy do you remember when you mom and I did this and a whole lot of the stories would be made up because daddy would answer back saying we never did that together hun I was hardly home when you were born. Then it was Daddy did you ever love mom? This would come out of the one that could be easily coached; the other would stay out of it. She never came up with the whole did you remember this and that kind of stuff. There was a point of time she did not want to go home to her mother she wanted to stay with us. My guess is because BM was digging for information out of them when they came back to her.

If anyone was insecure it was the BM

The only thing you can do about the whole compare crap is your husband needs to put a stop to it. Tell them he would talk to them later about it. He should have private time with them to talk about things of the past and you go have some bonding time with your son. But I am betting the bringing up the past thing is BM prepping.

You don't put up with disrespect and rudeness. And who cares if you don't get something for her because if you don't mama will? What the hell? If her mama does get something for her whatever it is then good for her. But I be damn if I am going to put myself in a situation of competition with her mama. Her mama can just go get it.