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She took her to McDonald's!

MsNiceguy's picture

Please see previous post under General Discussion  called SD life at stake!  So a couple weeks have gone by and BM told DH that she could feed their daughter healthier food if she had more help.  So he obliged to help taxi daughter to more of her activities, which are numerous.  So even though he stepped up his game and drove her around at least 3 times during the week, she still managed to take her to McDonald's due to lack of time.  I feel like she just slapped my DH in the face!  He just got cucked from his ex wife and I'm mad!  What kinds of things can he do to push back on this?  He just let's her order him around and he complies so as not to upset his daughter.  She is a class A spoiled brat, who should have told her mom, no please no McDonald's, but they just enable each other!  What more can my DH do?  I called myself MsNiceGuy for a reason.  He is a nice guy -- too nice!  I love him for it, but incidences like this remind me it's not always great to be the nice guy.  


tog redux's picture

Can you give us some background? Why is it the end of the world that she took the kid to McDonald's?

tog redux's picture

Right, right -  I remember now.

OP, you and DH are not going to be able to address this problem, nor can you control what BM and SD do when you aren't around.


MsNiceguy's picture

Sorry my first post is in general discussion titled SD life at stake.  She is obese and her parents were supposed to be following a dr ordered diet plan.

Harry's picture

She is going to do what she wants, and you have no control over her.  The only control you have is over yourself,  stop play BM games.  If the kid is morbidly obese , that the way she is going to be until SD does something about it herself.

MsNiceguy's picture

I couldn't agree with you more.  I guess my frustration is my DH is trying to help the BM because she says she doesn't have time to cook,  and when he helps more, she still took her to McDonald's.  I want to know how to get my husband to push back a little and not be worried about his kid getting mad at him.  I'm completely out of this situation, but it still affects me when he quite obviously got taken again advantage of and he didn't push back and this will just go on and on until the kid is 18 and she has diabetes and no future and then he'll be taking care of her for life. I know it all starts with him but any advice he could use would be welcome. 

tog redux's picture

I think you should research diabetes. It doesn't require lifelong care from parents, nor does it mean she will "have no future".

You seem very desperate to fix this thing that you have zero control over, and it might help if you let it go a bit.

BethAnne's picture

One meal does not make or break a diet. OP, I think for your own sanity you need to take a step back from this all. Eat healthily in your home, encourage family activity and let your husband, bm and sd do what they are going to do. If they ask for your help, you can offer it then. Over reacting about one meal is not helpful or healthy. 

New_to_this's picture

I understand your frustration. SS15 is morbidly obese and has been told that he had physical signs showing he was prediabetic at the doctors. Because he is on psychiatric meds, he gets weighed more than 5 times a year. DH and BM are constantly told that he needs diet, exercise, etc. Yet, both continue to feed him fast food, soft drinks, whatever. It's frustrating for me to watch and even more so because I now have kids with DH. My little ones pick up bad habits from DH and his teens.

From experience, I can say, you can't make a difference. You will just experience frustration and madness at what goes on around you. It is DH and BM's responsibility and they will probably do a bad job because they didn't learn nutrition from their parents. But, you can't change people.

I've wasted so much energy trying and DH's kids are still overweight, eating junk food, with low self-esteem. I wasted so much energy trying to get DH to change his habits, with no success. But...You want to know what's working. Nothing I did. However, DH's mom was supposed to have a bypass (turned out she just needed a stent, but still). Once DH found out, he got so scared for himself. His father passed away when he was 8 and now DH has an infant under 1 years old and a preschooler. He changed his behavior like snapping his finger. Suddenly, my homecooked meals are fabulous. He stopped drinking soda. And, now he's at a weight that he hasn't been at in over a decade or more. It's been less than two months.

So, I really believe that you can't do a thing. I taught and preached healthy eating from the get go and was frustrated for over 7 years. Each person has to be self-motivated, otherwise you are just wasting your energy...even kids. Unless the kids are motivated to eat healthy, they will not. SS refuses to eat my cooking and spends his entire allowance on fast food. When he's out of money, he borrows, steals, or cries for more to whoever will listen.  It'snot worth it for you to waste your energy. It's useless to change people.

MsNiceguy's picture

I've realized pretty early on that I have no influence over SD.  I only talk about it with her father, and he is doing everything right when it comes to feeding her, but he only has her 4 days a month.  We have already made the dietary changes in our home, so I guess setting a good example is all we can do.  It's just such a sad reality that we care more about her health than she or her mother does.