So DH and I have a 4yr old together. I have BS14 and SS21 SD19(lives in our home and has mental disorders) and a SD14 that i have never met! He has told me that with BM1 after the divorce she went out with man after man and moved so many times that after a couple of yrs he couldnt find them and the relative he was sending mail to had moved so his mail was returned to him. He says BM2(whom he wasnt married to) took their child after a huge fight and moved while he was away working leaving him out of any aspect of her life as well! SD was only 5 when he seen or talked to her or her mother last.
WHen DH and I got together he had reconnected with older two kids and wanted to move to be close to them, so away we went! While there we did things as much as we could with them, SS then 15 i think had a huge resentment for DH and didnt mind to tell him so, since he had prob got this attitude genetically from DH he didnt show his patience either so they really don't get along that great. SD then 13 and I connected wonderfully and had maintained a great relationship despite her dads bluntness & grumpiness!well until now she thinks she knows everything- she is the one that lives with us now.
Should I feel guilty that DH hates the BM1 so much that i believe he is too quick to point out faults and shortcomings to his older children??? it can get quite ugly! maybe this is y BM2 took her child away from him, cuz the way he spoke so disrespectfully of BM1 that she didnt want her child near him after their breakup. He treats our four year old like she is the princess and his older child like she is the black sheep, that can do nothing right!!! it makes me upset cuz he even treats my son better than his own children!! I do at times feel guilty but also scared what if we don't make it, (I have some reasons already to want to "give him a wake up call" and leave)will he be talking about me like that to my child?? He is one to try to make u feel like you are crazy even thou he has done something to provoke any insane behaviours...lol he said last night now he has witnesses that i am nutz.. hmm y would he feel that way, it makes me wanna be defensive and the guidelines i have are his relationships with the other 2 BMs! was i wrong to allow myself to believe every word he said about them or did they just feel like he was setting them up for so master plan to take off with their children? He is a great dad to our DD and my BS, just a giant jerk to SD and SS!! he says they are ungrateful and have no future due to the way BM1 raised them, I will admit I couldnt overlook most of the problems she has caused for them, but in no way do I feel they deserve him being so harsh and judgemental! for crying out loud they r from him! His one and only son looks and acts just like him! Geez