Does SK text or call you on your birthday?
We've had SD every other weekend since 2004. She's only text messaged me once on my birthday (last year). This year, nothing. We had her the weekend before my birthday and she mentioned it saying it was hard to forget, but she never actually said happy birthday.
Does your SK call or text you happy birthday if it doesn't fall on a visitation weekend? I'd think by after four years, that she'd show something right? I'm reminded that after everything I've done, I still feel like I'm less than I dunno. I know that SD would call her text her friend...or even a cousin happy birthday?
I know BM usually reminds SD to call one of DH's family if it's their birthday. I'm not that sensitive (maybe I'm thinking about this because it's the hormones; I'm pregnant), but I just find it kind of rude. About a month and a half ago, I posted that BM had a talk with DH and I about open communication...and how she was all for it (which was a total 180 from her mentality before...have no idea of what got into her). A lot of my friends (BM's and SM's with bio kids) said to pay the support, it's worth the privacy and bonding experience...who knows.
She called me/us on the day we told her we were going to find out whether or not we were having a boy or a girl...but she couldn't call/say happy birthday? Granted, this is the same kid that has only given DH a hand made father's day card once (but never fails to mention happy father's day to him; maybe because we always get her on that day).
With the whole possibility of her mom going to jail and pursuing full physical/legal custody, I'm thinking that maybe paying the support to just not have to deal with her on a daily basis might actually be worth it...and would give us (me, DH, and our baby) good bonding time. In a sense, our first would probably get treated like a second child if SD is here (attention wise).
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I'm a step daughter
And my SF has usually not even acknowledged my birthday in the 20+ years we've known each other. All this despite the fact that I take him out for a meal for his birthday & father's day every year. I've learned not to care, because if I can't get a gift from him without a grudge I'd rather have nothing at all.
BTW - when I take him out for his birthday & father's day, I take everyone else out for Christmas & mother's day too, so it's a community thing... nothing special for him. I'm not going out of my way for someone who treats me like that & I don't get upset about it. It's just not worth it.
Cajun Lady
In the close to 5 yrs that I
In the close to 5 yrs that I have known my dh and his kids.. they have NEVER once said Happy Birthday, no calls nothing. In those same years.. and since we have been married almost 3 yrs.. NEVER once have they said Happy Mother's Day, nor have I received a card from them.
These men really want you to love these kids like their own, but dont expect their kids to treat you like their own.
thanks
for the responses. We always call SD on her birthday if we don't have her. DH has SD every other year on her birthday.
Oh, and get this SD still calls DH by his nickname (same one that BM and his family call him)....so maybe when our baby is born, and we always say mommy and daddy, maybe she'll start calling him dad; whatever.
Maybe this kid lacks respect? I dunno. We've been nothing but nice to her; maybe she's getting all this from her mom.
how about this to stun you.....
my SS and i share the same birthday. he has never gotten me anything and doesn't say happy birthday. this year, he just showed up on our doorstep waiting to open HIS gifts. even though....it's also MY damn birthday too. i don't expect a gift from him, but a card would be nice. you know, to 'acknowledge' that i exist?
Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.
oh man!!!!
SD has the same bday as FIL. Our unborn child has an estimated due date a week before BM's bday. Wouldn't that be crap karma if they had the same bday!! I'd hold off (if possible, lol) just to avoid that. But at least...we can have bdays the same weekend BM has her bday, and I'm sure SD would rather go to BM's.
We went to the dog park yesterday. There's a big sign there that says "DOG GUARDIANS, Please pick up after your dog." I had to laugh because it might as well of said "STEPKID GUARDIANS, Please pick up after your stepkid." LOL. The whole stepMOM and stepPARENT thing is totally misleading.
Same here
The skids have never called me on my birthday in the 5 years that I've known them. I recall once they said happy birthday, a week after, and only when Hubby prompted them. One year we were talking about upcoming birthday and SD12 (SD10 at the time) completely ignored the conversation and interrupted over and over about stuff about BM. Subtle. And I've also never, never gotten any recognition on mother's day. Hubby got me flowers for mother's day last year and when SD12 asked him why and he answered, she made a face and gave one of her fake laughs and ran off to play. However, last year they both made father's day cards for BM's fiance while they were at our house. It didn't really bother Hubby, he said he was just glad that they liked the guy that much, but I was pretty hurt. BM's fiance has known them for 2 years, and had only been dating her for 6 months before they got engaged, and he was getting cards, and I've been in their lives for 5 years and get squat. So while my skids say they love me and hug me when they see me, anytime there's any perceived (and I do mean the slightest itty bitty perception of) conflict of interest between BM and me, I lose big time.
Yeah.. I sometimes think the
Yeah.. I sometimes think the skids say what they KNOW their father wants them to when it comes to me.. but that the feeling and meaning is just NOT THERE.
They call their stepdad.. DAD.
my SD is hating me right now
So though I throw her a party inviting my whole family every year, and BM takes her out, maybe with a GF to dinner, SD never acknowledges my birthday anymore, even if she's here. But she's got a personality disorder, and from what I understand that means she either loves or hates me or BM. Right now she loves BM so she hates me. I'm sure that will flip again.
Peace, love, and red wine
Birthday?? What Birthday??
After 10 years, my SK's don't know when my birthday is...let alone ask when it is. Mind you, I don't make a big deal out of my birhtday, unlike BM who made sure it was in visitation papers that SHE GETS HER BIRTHDAY WEEKEND WITH THE KIDS....not the SK's birthdays...only her own!!!
I make certain the kids always have a special birthday (on the weekend closest to it) when they are here and that they remember family members' birthdays but I don't get the same consideration.
Such is our life as STEPS...C'est la vie.
"SOME PEOPLE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE CHILDREN"
That is a good point. I bet
That is a good point. I bet my skids dont even know when it is! Holy smokes.. never even dawned on me.
not their job
I have never really thought much about whether the skids remembered my birthday or not, it is not their job or their responsibility, of course it would be nice but I dont dwell on it at all.
just as long as my biokids dont forget then I am fine!!!
“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”
i don't expect skids to be thoughtful
or considerate when it comes to me anymore. i've lowered my expectations. in fact, they couldn't get any lower. and in response to not acknowledging me or anything that is important to me, i will return the favor. life doesn't work this way. you get what you sow. and when you're in your teens, you're old enought to know how to be polite and thoughtful. and if you're not, that's fine too. just don't be disappointed or hurt or sulk when it's not returned when it comes to your turn.
Just trying to be a Stepmom without getting Stepped On.
No they don't
and I don't care. And I don't mean it in a mean way. It is just not a phoney relationship. The only reason I celebrate their birthday is because of their father. I celebrate my children's birthday & he celebrate's his kids birthdays. I don't think my kids (except for 1) even knows when it is my husband's birthday. WHO FRIGGIN cares anyway? it is nooooooooooooo big deal!!!!!!
I am not hurt nor dismayed. I don't really care!