Partner has tunnel vision
I have found myself in a pickle and I am ready to bounce. I recently got reconnected with my high school love but things are not so peachy. His parenting skills are questionable and he is very defensive about it. I have 5 children he has one. My two youngest lives with us ages 14 and 13 his son is 11 going on 40. His mouth has no boundaries and if I say anything I am picking on him. Granted he's been a single dad for 11 years and he don't care for any criticism especially from me. I have no say when it comes to his son. The child is rude but my partner sees different. It's to where my children avoids the son at all cost. Heck I avoid him aswell. If I say no snack before dinner, dad says go ahead. If I say go bath I get the look. Like don't tell my son anything. My son said something to his son yesterday he dad told my son you are not his dad don't tell him what to do. Guess he didn't realized I heard. Now I'm ready to leave. I cannot keep going through this nor can my kids. His son have conversations with himself at home in public in the car etc. He jumps in place no matter where we go. He rubs his armpits and smells it all the time. This is everywhere, he then will start itching his private any and everywhere and it makes my kids uncomfortable. I say something to my partner his answer that's what kids do. He jumps at night walk back and forth do loud outburst I say something I'm told stop picking on his son. But yet it's ok for me to help with homework, cook, clean etc.. my mind is made up I'm leaving in the next months. I have had enough. He can stay with his son because no one wants this headache. The way I feel Love like this is too pricey.
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Welcome to the site!
Exactly as you say - love on these terms is definitely too pricey. I would say it's the single most common reason why people come to this site - ie feral step kids whose bio parents can't or won't parent effectively and as a result, are producing spoiled snowflakes whom no-one likes, who have no friends, fail in school and will ultimately fail at adulting too.
I mentioned to him that he
I mentioned to him that he need to double check his parenting skills and all I got was an earful of F bombs. But yet still he craves for respect. I am going to respect him by respectfully departing this so called relationship. Not worth my time or effort.
Let him know that you won’t
Let him know that you won’t be helping with any parenting tasks since he doesn’t want you involved. No helping with homework or cleaning up behind him. No rides to school or help with appointments, you will leave that all up to your DH. And do the same for your kids - only you manage their needs.
Though your DH sounds like a jerk and leaving might be the best plan.
Oh those days are over. It's
Oh those days are over. It's all about my kids now. He needs to step up and take care of everything concerning his son. Why is it I'm good enough to cook, clean, drop off pick up and help with homework but not good enough to correct behavior.
For example I told the son no one day he said I hate that word. Why I ask because it gets on my nerves and its annoying the child reply. Dad then steps in and ask what would you do if someone told you bo the son replied punch them in the face. Dad reply so I told you no are you going to punch me in my face son paused then say no but I hate being told no. Dad says we will talk about this at home. Oh by the way this happened at the supermarket smh. It never got spoke about at home. I honestly think dad should have taken some parenting classes as a single dad because he sure messed up. But once again ego and pride played an important role. At the end of the day I will be leaving within the next 3 months I've had enough.
Do you think his son has
Do you think his son has mental problems? He sounds a little odd on top of being difficult...almost as if he's pacing at night?
Regardless, yea, I don't blame you at all. You have five and he can't handle ONE??? That's a woman for ya!
It sounds as if when you question some of SS's behavior, your guy is taking it really personally, and then he turns on you for saying anything at all -- meanwhile, he's not even considering what you're telling him about his kid. How sad for that kid! He does not seem to hear what you're saying as concern for his kid or you saying you need help coping with his kid -- which are both things you absolutely should tell him as a decent person, so why is he reading what you are saying as something almost malicious?
Moya, it doesn't matter. You can't work with a guy who's not willing to work with you. You're already miserable. Your kids will breathe a sigh of relief when you roll them out of there! If his kid has problems, he was doubly cursed with a dad who won't face them. Don't make his problems your problems!
Next time just date long term -- don't move in with anyone. Too messy!
Thanks so much for the reply.
Thanks so much for the reply. Yesterday was the icing on the cake. I finally told him I have had enough and I plan on leaving. I don't blame my ss for his behavior I blame my partner. He has full custody of him since he was 6 months old. The school told him that the child has ADHD and on the spectrum of Autism he says they are lying and are trying to label him as mental. Now, I feel this is a disservice to my ss because dad is an egotistical ass. My son has ADHD I addressed the matter and got him help now he is fully functional and have social skills. His son has zero of this. He talks to himself, answers himself and keep in mind he does this is public aswell. When I speak to my partner about this his answer don't tell me what my son is. Don't act as if you are a perfect parent. He refuses to see beyond himself and not see that his son needs help..