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Ok...3rd blog but had alot of issues come up...

motherof2's picture

i am furious with my FSD12 and FSS10 who miss life with just daddy and want more alone time without me and my kids. They were alone with daddy for 5 years, and we are together almost 3. I thought they would come around but it is getting worse. The do not want to play with my kids, they want to either be alone or sit with daddy. The have expressed wanting cuddle time constantly and BM had talked to DH about different ways they can be alone. What if me being separated for 3 years and on my own for 4 months said, my kids miss having life with me and daddy and them and I agreed to dinner on Mondays to have things the way they use to be. Am I just being a BITCH???? Life changes, he takes them to the store, alone, he spent 3 days a week alone from 12-5:30 how much more alone time do they want???

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motherof2's picture

Tried that on Mondays...his kids liked it but my kids don't understand why we are not being together and they would rather be with his kids than me :O

VAStepMom's picture

This is tough. I had the same situation.

You are saying DH has days a week alone with the kids from 12 - 5:30? THAT IS MORE THAN ENOUGH. For gods sake!

DH and I sat down to discuss this very same issue. We decided one day a week, we would take our children out separately to spend "alone, quality time" with them. This should be limited to 2-3 hrs at most. In addition, there needs to be a FAMILY DAY where the entire family either plays a game together, goes bowling, pizza out, shopping or whatever. But they must do something where they have to interact with each other. Building teams like for pictionary is good.... split the family up so they must play together and bond.

DH needs to limit "cuddle time" on the couch with skids and show them some affection toward his new wife instead. They need to see that DH makes time for EVERYONE. Cut the jealousy.

If the skids don't want to play with the new kids.... so be it.... maybe the new kids.... have a really cool new toy or game that was purchased on ALONE QUALITY TIME DAY that they can watch them enjoy?

caregiver1127's picture

I look at this situation and this happens in a bio family as well - you have a kid and then 7 or 8 years later you have a second one - the first kid is not going to automatically like having a brother or sister because they have been the only child for so long - would you as the bio parents then decide not to have the second child no you tell the kid tough this is our life and we are having another child. If children had their way the first child would decide to be an only child and every family would have 1 kid but when you are in a family then it has to be treated as a family. DIVORCE is a very real part of life - these children would gain more by spending time as a family because as much as the skids and the BM may hate the new situation it is not going to change. So everyone has to get use to being part of the family. The funny thing I find about the blogs I read is that the skids hate being around the SM's children but you hardly read where the SM's bio children have problems with the skids. Do these bio children complain as much as the skids are we being biased because we think our children can do no wrong - I don't think so - I think the SM's on here who are real SM's and not BM's in disguise expect more from their children and in turn their children respect the situation. We don't have a lot of fathers on here complaining that their stepkids hate them or disrespect them or only want to spend time with their mothers - we only have a handful of fathers on here. I think we need to ask ourselves why that is - sorry to hijack the post - my mind kept wondering from one place to the next!

motherof2's picture

My thoughts exactly. I said the same thing. Should you spend time with just SD because she was born before SS, or should I do the same???That is crazy. I have a natural brother, 4 half brothers and sisters, and 5 step brothers and sisters. We went outside and played and fought, but had fun too. We didn't want anything to do with cuddletime. These kids are not toddlers, they are double digits. My kids don't ask for cuddle time, although I wish they did sometimes.lol. They want to be kids.