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Social Media Interferes With Remorse

morrginme's picture

When I was younger I sometimes did something wrong that would get me in trouble with my parents. I wasn't always sent to my room or even grounded. After being corrected on my bad behavior I had to go about my day, maybe I would  isolate myself in my room pouting because of what I perceived as being unfair treatment, or a bit later I would talk to a friend about it. Either way I had some time with my own thoughts. I had time to sift through and reflect on what I had done that caused me to get in trouble.

Today I see teenagers, especially my SD16 always connected to social media. In my house technology is not restricted in any way when it comes to SD16. Its an area I have no power and I won't get into it more than that because that would be a different post. What I do see is after a teenager has been lectured for bad behavior they are right back on social media. They aren't reflecting and processing their own actions. They are posting how unfairly they've been treated. I know many of us felt the same when we were in that situation but what we didn't have back then and what many do now is the ability to immediately get countless people to agree with us and sympathize with us. How can the process of learning from mistakes and developing character begin when there isn't a chance to sit and "think about what you did"?

I'm sure there's probably a lot more to teens and social media than this. I only wish that after my own SD has done something hurtful,  she had some time to think about what she had done. Instead she gets immediate satisfaction hearing from others that her inappropriate behavior was absolutely justified. I'm not seeing the opportunity for personal growth in this situation. I'm not seeing the beneficial feeling of remorse that is crucial to becoming a person who cares about others.


Chmmy's picture

Yep. Same goes for adults. I feel like steptalk is my escape or validation but also feeds my anger. I get so mad at all the skids who are entitled brats and the BMs who cause problems and the DHs who are clueless Disney dads. It feeds into my negativity and I sometimes compare us to strangers on steptalk who are doing the same thing. I see my future in the misery someine is going through now.

I see this is makonh things worse but Im addicted to these stories like Im reading a good book I cant put down.

morrginme's picture

I agree adults do it too. I think the difference is usually adults have matured so that they are more willing to call someone out if they see it differently, have more experience with knowing that they might not be getting the entire story, more willingness to admit to mistakes, and being able to accept positive critisim. Not all adults and not all the time though. I would hope they act mature but that isnt always the case.

Chmmy's picture

I see plenty of people called out on here and social media. I usually domt. I dont like to argue on social media

Iamwoman's picture

I feel this way too Chhmy. That’s why I’m on STalk less now. 

The stories help give a sense of community and ensure us that we’re not the crazy ones, but I agree that spending too much time here can make me feel negative.

Lately I’ve been engaged in positive endeavors and am happier. I just finished a skid weekend though, and came here again to feel not so alone.

I am a fixer and last night I actually paused a movie to discuss possible skid fixes with DH. I wish I hadn’t done that. Nothing bad came of it, except no good solution and the icky feeling that comes along with talking about icky people. It’s just pointless to discuss skids.

Even my own mom thinks I should “be that one person to reach out and give YSS10 attention, because he’ll remember it down the road.” No matter how many times I explain to my mom that YSS10 gets attention EVERYWHERE because he is an attention whore, and that he won’t remember my attention because it will just blend into the rest, and how I don’t have the energy nor do I want to be that special person in his life, as I just don’t feel I’m “the one” for him because he annoys the ever-loving carp out of me, I have to hear her urgings.

Maybe my mom would think I’m influenced by social media if she knew I communed at STalk. For me though, discussing hard situations with you ladies (and men) results in me making better, not worse decisions. Better for me, that is.

If SD16 runs to social media, fine! There will come a day when her friends aren’t there for her or her friends hurt her in some way, and she will begin to weigh her own opinions for her own agenda as opposed to everyone else’s agenda.

If she isn’t in counseling already, she may benefit. Having one more “good” opinion in her life could help.