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School lunch is gross

morrginme's picture

Every Monday DH gives SD16 money to buy food while she is at school. They have off campus for lunch. I've said she gets free meals at the school or she could pack a lunch from what we have but she says the food at school is gross and says she doesnt want a lunch from home so he keeps giving her money. Then we get a bill from the school for $180 owed for school meals. I call the district office and speak to the Nutritionist. Turns out I messed up and the free meals expired in October of last year. The account shows breakfast and lunch nearly everyday. DH says SD says she has no idea how it happened and someone must be using her account. Then the other story is she has a friend who can't afford to buy food and she was letting this friend use her account. 

DH is offended and doesnt believe the suggestion that she was eating school meals while telling him she thinks its gross so she can pocket the money every week he would give her to buy food elsewhere. 

Suddenly SD isnt going to school early anymore and is eating breakfast at home before she goes. I would never deny anyone food especially a child. I have no problem making sure the balance on the meal account gets paid. I do think its natural consquences that SD  has to spend her pocketed money on food like it was intended. It must be frustrating for her to maintain her lie and not be profiting from it anymore. 

Then I've been looking for a certain hair care product of mine that SD likes to use. I've been hiding it because she wastes it and takes it with her to friends houses and leaving it. Now its disappeared from its spot on the shelf in my bathroom. So I take a look for it in SD's room. I didnt find it but I did find her stash of weed. The weed she swears she tried once and would never do again. Her dad always swore what a great and responsible kid she is who would never smoke weed.  I showed it to him and he got mad at me for taking it. He says I should have left it where it was. Marijuana might be legal in our state but it's not legal for a minor. She is also heavily involved in sports and drugs are not tolerated.

I told DH this is insane and walked away.

Comments

SteppedOut's picture

Why are you going to pay the balance on the lunch account? That is her dad's responsibility. 

I think you should seriously disengage from sd and all her bs. 

Jcksjj's picture

Well first of all...I'm assuming contributing to a minor is still an issue with the weed? I'd get rid of that before she gets caught and says you guys knew about it or you gave it to her or something. 

Why would you pay the bank account? Isnt it kind of it enabling DH to enable her if you take care of it? I honestly dont get parents that live in denial like that...if I find out my kid is doing something detrimental I want to know about it asap so it can be dealt with. 

morrginme's picture

Me too! I want my kid to grow up with good character and they wont get that if I only see the good things about them. I tell DH that doing things that are wrong doesnt make them a bad kid and kids will do bad things. No child can be perfect 100% of the time and I wouldnt want them to be. There has to be lessons to learn and frustrations to go through. We arent here to make sure life is as easy for them as possible. His excuse now is that she will be moving out in just a couple of years.

marblefawn's picture

Wow, way to phone in parenting.

Why do parents always want to drop the ball when the kid nears 18? That's when kids get into the trouble that will ruin their lives.

Too many people having kids they don't want to parent. Sounds like your husband is one of them.

Maxwell09's picture

Well you can't parent more than he does. That will always backfire in your face. His head-in-the-sand parenting is going to catch up with him sooner or later...and hopefully it's before there's a baby on the way.

morrginme's picture

If not a baby then something else.  The roads are iced at night but he gives in to her begging to get picked up with her friends.

lieutenant_dad's picture

If it's legal, I'd smoke or eat it in front of SD. Let her see her stash disappear and see if she says anything. I mean, it's in YOUR house, and SD has been having a "share and share alike" attitude with your things. Might as well reciprocate.

morrginme's picture

That would be funny but I hate weed. Makes me freak out and get paranoid. Every now and then I'll use CBD.

advice.only2's picture

Well DH sounds like he’s got it all together, let him handle all these “pesky” details from now on.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Just make something SD values disappear

You're on your own since you know your DH is afraid to parent, so time for a little guerilla warfare to make his daughter understand that you're not a pushover like daaddee. Make skid things ( including drugs!) go missing.

I'm a fan of the one shoe game. Trash a single shoe of a favorite pair. Or if you're feeling magnanimous, hide it for a month or so, then put it back in her room. 

Chmmy's picture

Ive thought about sabotaging things before as they ruin my things, esp SD16 cuz she ruins my day everytime she speaks lol.

I take the high road. I even do things to help her out occasionally if it helps DH. He does work hard. Also she does things to help with the little skids. I dont want to completely alienate her from the family...although she has burned a lot of bridges...even her sweet nana

SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture

My god I’d be yelling you had to go in her room because she stole your stuff! What an assh0le!

futurobrillante99's picture

you must be married to my XH2. One of his sons left a big baggies of weed sitting out right near the back door that is mostly glass. GREAT! Never mind that in my kind of work I can’t fraternize with that stuff. I was tempted to take it, but do what with it? Take it to work in my trunk? Just my luck, I’d get pulled over. Lol

so I told XH2. He hid it so he could give SS the chance to find a better place to store it. 

Bongs hidden in the shed. Pipes hidden in the basement, and smoking pot outside for the neighbors to see.

My divorce happened just in time because there are periodic investigations for my job and mine came up last month. I was very honest with the investigator and told him what the neighbors saw and that the pot smoking was one of the reasons I left that situation.

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futurobrillante99's picture

you must be married to my XH2. One of his sons left a big baggy of weed sitting out right near the back door that is mostly glass. GREAT! Never mind that in my kind of work I can’t fraternize with that stuff. I was tempted to take it, but do what with it? Take it to work in my trunk? Just my luck, I’d get pulled over. Lol

so I told XH2. He hid it so he could give SS the chance to find a better place to store it. 

Bongs hidden in the shed. Pipes hidden in the basement, and smoking pot outside for the neighbors to see.

My divorce happened just in time because there are periodic investigations for my job and mine came up last month. I was very honest with the investigator and told him what the neighbors saw and that the pot smoking was one of the reasons I left that situation.

ENABLERS.......enable.

personally, I’m very pro pot but it’s not allowed.

Siemprematahari's picture

DH is offended and doesnt believe the suggestion that she was eating school meals while telling him she thinks its gross so she can pocket the money every week he would give her to buy food elsewhere. 

^^^^^^^^ Your H is in the worse kind of denial and its such a shame. Next time you flush the weed and don't say anything to H. You don't know a d@mn thing and see if she'll stop taking your belongings. Every time she takes something of your, one of hers will go missing too.....Yeah I can be petty like that....