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Not Buying Presents for SD17

morrginme's picture

A good moment presented itself for me to tell DH that I won't be buying Christmas presents for SD17 this year. I won't use DH's money to shop for him for SD either. Any presents he wants her to have he will have to shop for them and buy them with his own money. DH took it well and understood.  Every year I stress out shopping for all the kids. I stress the most over SD's gifts. Did I spend enough money on her? Will she think I spent fairly? Is it presents she has been wanting? Will she  love or at least like them? Will she be happy with what she receives? SD has shown over time that she appreciates none of her gifts and gets upset because she should have gotten more stuff and more expensive things. Many times she either loses what we give her, gives it away, shoves it in a corner, or donates it. This is even with things that aren't gifts but things that she has asked for saying she needs. Soon as I buy it for her it goes unused. Its like she just wants to see if we will buy it for her. 

This holiday season and for her birthday I will buy her a card. That's all the effort I'm doing anymore. She can complain about her treatment to anyone she wants. Its not like they haven't heard it before and I stopped caring what her enablers think of me a long time ago.


advice.only2's picture

I had the same issues with Spawn.  One year for Christmas I got her a designer purse, brand name clothes, an expensive curling iron and some other odds and ends.  Later that night I heard her on the phone tell her friend she really didn't get anything good...she later sold the purse and clothing.  I stopped shopping for her after that.  She would complain to DH about needing shorts and I told him he could take her to Walmart...she didn't want that.  After I stopped shopping for her Spawn really didn't get much anymore and for birthdays and Christmas she might get a card from DH if he remembers. 

Kes's picture

Good for you.  I stopped 7 yrs ago, for similar reasons to yours. It was, and is, such a relief.  I don't get the SDs a card, either.  If I am in a good mood I will sign the one DH gets for them. 

twopines's picture

I stopped shopping for gifts the year after SD complained to DH that she didn't get as many gifts at our house as my DD. He reminded her that she already opened gifts from her side of the family at BM's house. It's not as if she had nothing to open at our house. She had the gifts I bought her, and a gift from my mother. Freaking brat. Lesson learned.

SD really shot herself in the foot, because I'm a generous gift giver, and she loves gifts. DH sends a card and a token check.

Cover1W's picture

Oh yes, that familiar decision that will release you! Good!

I stopped helping with gifts when they remained unused, untouched, when opened asked "what is this for?" or other such comments, and counting gifts every day, and refusal to write a wish list. I couldn't take it after that and told DH he's on his own. I got each of them one gift card and one 'thing' that wasn't expensive.

I also stopped holiday cooking and treat making (except cookies for me and the neighbors/co-workers).

JRI's picture

Five kids, 3 inlaws, 6 grandkids plus 2 spouses and 3 great-grandkids.  I'm totally over shopping for anybody, done forever.  Its impossible to get something they really like plus giving cash lets me exercise my parity policy.  For small children, I give the parent the cash early and ask them to shop for me.

It seems like our Christmas is a little sterile without the piles of gifts from us but there are always some from one to another.

The year that did me in was when SDnow59, as usual, gave us the specific list for her kids.  After working a full-time job, attending night school and going nuts with Christmas projects like I did back then, I found myself with DH in a winter snowstorm at a furniture store 40 miles away buying a specific rocking chair SD wanted for SGD after going from one store to another.  I thought, what am I doing?  Or perhaps it was the stressful  year I finally finished all my shopping by Dec. 15 and breathed a sigh of telief when SD said, "Take that (SGS gift) back and get this instead".  Done.

Stepmama2321's picture

I've been wondering about this same issue pertaining to my own SD for quite awhile now. I made my own post as to not hop on yours and ask people a bunch of questions lol. But honestly you said it perfect, as a SM you stress the most about your steps. I think it's because we don't know them as well as our own children so you don't know if they'll like it or how they'll perceive the situation of if it's fair. Ugh! I think I'm in same boat as you and not going to worry about it this year! 

thinkthrice's picture

Even after the 3 ferals conspired with the Girhippo and lied about us to CPS,  Chef and  I got them some top shelf Christmas gifts which they promptly said they hated over speakerphone soon after we dropped them off.   You could hear the Girhippo chuckling in the background!

That summer, the Animal Torturer (SD, at the time 9) claimed she like to draw but was talentless, so we got her a high end easle, which we found in our BURN PILE out back!!!

Of course all the FUNDING for these gifts were coming from ME since Chef was left practically penniless from massive CS.

That was it and they all soon PASed out (mercifully)