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I'm probably setting myself up

morrginme's picture

Just another petty situation that will get me accused of being mean and cruel. 

SD15 didnt want to get up for school this morning because she had a basketball game the night before, she woke up tired this morning, and had a headache. She  wants me to drive her to school later so she can sleep in and feel better.

She does this about every two weeks. I told her dad she better get up. I thought she left but now i hear her taking a bath.  Whenever she says she sick she always feels much better later and has all sorts of plans that most people wouldnt do because they would still be sick and getting rest.

I homeschool the youngest now . We are struggling to get into a routine and i dont have tine to catee to someone who doesnt need it.

I'm not excusing her absence and I'm giving her bus money to get to school. We conveniently have a city bus stop at the end of our street and it stops at her school 15 min after our stop.

Her dad is going to be so mad at me. I told him I might or night not be able to take her. He told her she better get up. Still, whenever i take a stand it shows what a really mean person I am 

Comments

Siemprematahari's picture

You are not being mean and if your H gets upset.....let him! If he doesn't like it he can get her tired @ss up and take her to school himself. Better yet she can get use to taking the bus and he give her money to do so. I would not waste any more time and energy on someone who is not trying to help themselves. Don't allow your H to guilt trip you and be firm when you tell him about himself. This is his kid and you are helping in so many ways. He better recognize what the heck you do all day for HIS kids.....

tog redux's picture

Mean? Seems like natural consequences - if she doesn't get up in time, she takes the city bus to school. How is this your problem?  If he wants her driven, he can leave work to do it.

Disneyfan's picture

The NYC in me has me scratching my head and thinking what's so mean about having a kid use public transportation to get to school.

Thousands of kids across NYC do just that every day.

Siemprematahari's picture

Disney- the way this father is behaving this child is in for a rude awakening if this is not nipped in the bud NOW. She couldn't of been my kid, she'd go to school with feelings hurt and all lol.

tog redux's picture

I took a city bus alone at age 11 to get to school every day, no yellow buses to take older kids to school in my city. 

I think this is a case of Daddee not wanting Precious to be inconvenienced.

Survivingstephell's picture

You can't care more than her father and you are only following his lead.  If he doesn't like it then its up to HIM to make the changes for SD15.  

morrginme's picture

I'm putting energy into an area where I have no power. Its so hard not to try and correct the obvious especially when the problem has such a big negative impact on everyone in the family.

Survivingstephell's picture

Where would you put that energy if not into a place where you have no power?  Where do you have power?  Focus on that.  

morrginme's picture

I told her she needs to take the bus and she is freaking out. Says she is so glad i care about my daughters education more than hers. I've been reading the blog of Dr. Simon about character disturbance and the manipulations they use. It helped me to see her manipulation tactics plain as day. I'm still shaking but not nearly as upset with the confrontation as i used to be. Yet she is still here and i know the bus had to of made a stop by now. Wonder if her mother will show up? I'm nervous to see who comes after me for this.

tog redux's picture

What a brat. If she cared about her own education, she'd get her ass out of bed and get to school.

Siemprematahari's picture

Why are you nervous??? Don't you see if you don't put your foot down now just what the future holds for you when it comes to this entitled Gremlin???

If you don't stand strong NOW you are screwed! Its ashame that SD doesn't care enough about her education that she cant get her @ss up and go to school. She's being manipulative and placing this on you.

notasm3's picture

And you afraid of your husband?  Why give a sh*t if he thinks you should have given her a ride?  What is he going to do - beat you?

as for the ahole daughter’s assertion that you care more about your daughter’s education than her - why not just look her in the eye and calmly state “yes - matter of fact I do. “

It sounds to me that you are being bullied by aholes. 

morrginme's picture

I took the time to find the correct change and send her the time and route information to her. When i saw she had 5 min before the bus comes i told her its coming soin. She smiled all snotty at me and said she had a ride coming. Ride still isnt here and she would have been at school 15 min ago if she took the bus. I better learn some lessons from this incident. Maybe she will too but i dont think i care. I can only change myself. Im not taking on others problems anymore.

Major Blunder's picture

Next time she pulls this I wouldn't say a thing to her, wake her or any of that, just let her deal with her own decisions. Home School your child and let her and her parents deal with her schooling.

New_to_this's picture

Her dad has no right to be mad at you. She's the one not getting up in time to make the bus. DH and I have the natural consequence for the skids missing the bus. They'd have to walk to school (the middle and high school were about a mile away). The fact that you have a public bus system that will get them to school is great. They should also be paying for their own ride for school if they miss the school bus.

Some snags that we ran into were that SD was a really anxious kid and was a good student, so she never wanted to miss school. Before I had DS3, if I was home and could give her a ride I would allow her to use my taxi service. It was an expensive $20 a ride. She understood why and used it sparingly (maybe twice) and was grateful that I even offered it. For SS, natural consequences don't work on him. He's got no shame/no pride. He will text or call all of his friends and their parents (if he had their number) and beg for a ride. He's definitely not the type of person I'd choose to spend time with, but I guess he'll get through life just fine.

morrginme's picture

I like the charge em for a ride idea. 

morrginme's picture

It was her choice to play basketball. 

morrginme's picture

She was waiting for a ride to school and could have taken the bus two times. It comes every hour. I told her dad she can walk or take the bus. He later called and said to let her friend pick her up. When her ride showed up it was one of her friends moms who is a county sheriff. I better prepare myself again for one of those talks like I had to have with a nurse when she was going to report me and DH for kicking SS17 out of the house. She backed off when she came to talk to me and I told her that I have rules like no drugs and he wasnt willing to follow those rules.

Not too long after she got picked up SD15 sends me a text asking for me to please call the school and excuse her absence so she can participate in a basketball dinner activity after school. I ignored the call. Shortly after that she sends me another text saying never mind she got her mom to do it  and the message ended with a smiley face.

pixielady's picture

Don't do anything for this brat again! Seriously? a 15 year old is yanking your chain and you're letting her. Let her learn the hard way that she can't treat people like crap and expect them to do things for her. Come on!

morrginme's picture

What do you do when DH asks you to do a favor for him that is to do something for her?

pixielady's picture

I made it clear to DH that I would only do the bare minimum only when absolutely necessary. sS9 is long distance but when he is here for his visit, DH does everything. If I happen to be watching SS when Dh is at work, I only make sure he is safe and fed. No other favors no extras nothing.