Dear SO: I told you so....
I would never actually say I told you so out loud, because that would be cruel and like pouring salt in his wounds but it turns out that exactly what I said would happen, happened.
Short back story incase you haven't read my blog: After almost 3 months of not seeing each other or talking, SD14 up and decides she wants SO back. SO caves, sees her on fathers day and then takes her camping this past weekend. I declined to join them because 1) I cant stand SD and b) I don't trust the little brats intentions. She doesn't want her dad back. She wants something from him.
I'll set the scene for ya: Its a beautiful night. Father, daughter and dog are enjoying their camping trip and a lovely canoe ride. The sky is clear, water is calm, all is quiet. Suddenly, BAM! "Dad, mom wants me to ask you if you will pay for half of my school next year". Aaaannnnnndddd trip ruined.
SO was so pissed. His response was "why would you do this? I haven't seen you or talked to you in 3 months. We are having a great time and you ruin it by asking me for money. I'm not talking about it right now." It was dropped and all was sort of ok.
Fast forward to Sunday night. I come home from the grocery store and SO and SD are at our house. I was pissed. We have already talked about this several times. Infact, we had a fight about it right before they left for camping. I am NOT comfortable around SD right now and I do not want to be forced into seeing her. So we got into a small argument and im sure SD heard.
Later when he went to take her home, he told her (as he has many other times) that she is not to discuss our business with BM. She is not to go home and tell BM what goes on at our house that has nothing to do with her.
He drops her off and not 20 minutes later he gets a thousand texts from BM. "Youre an asshole. Youre a deadbeat. I effing hate you. Wish you were dead. Can't believe youre not going to pay for school. Cant believe you told her not to tell me anything. You're such a loser. She would be better off if you were dead" etc. This is not shocking. This is normal for us. We get these types of messages a couple times a week. We keep blocking phones but she keeps finding phones that we have not yet blocked. This time it was her new boyfriends phone.
I knew this would happen. This is why I was not ok with SD coming back. I knew it was only a matter of time before she hurt SO again. I just didn't think it would be this soon. SO never said no to paying for school. He didn't say anything other than "Im not talking about it right now". SD told BM that he said no.
So apparently BM wants to send SD to private school next year, because the public school system is not good enough. SD has some learning disabilities and apparently this school would be much better for her. If that's the case then fine. Whatever. We will help pay. BUT...you think BM would talk to us about it? Tell us how much it is? When we have to pay by etc? nope.
SIL tells me that its $12,000! And BM wants us to pay half. We have no idea if you pay all up front, monthly or whatever. No clue. If this bitch is expecting us to hand over a cheque for $6,000 in a couple months its not going to happen. We just don't have the money!!!
It's funny how we are never allowed to be involved with SD's schooling or medical issues or counselors or anything, but when it comes time for money well now we are allowed to be involved. Bullshit. I'm not forking over 6 grand for a kid who will probably just get kicked out or fail anyways like every other school she has been to.
Oh and the kicker. Since we are "refusing" to pay, BM's boyfriend has ridden in on his white horse and offered to pay for half of her school!! hahahaha go for it sucker! See how BM treats you once school is paid for and she has all she wants from you.
I can't deal with this shit anymore. The craziness of these people is starting to get to me.
And the kicker? BM is booking a flight for SD to go and see SO's mom. BM called MIL last night and told her, and said that we are paying for half! HAHAHA! We didn't even know she was going, since we have told her several times shes not allowed to go alone because her grandma cant handle her.
It never ends....... 4 more years. 4 more years. Take out sleeping, showering, eating, and driving and its like a year maybe.....not so bad lol
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Comments
That is too bad for your DH.
That is too bad for your DH. And the norm for some of these kids.
I can tell you to disengage
I can tell you to disengage too but im not very successful but try try try.~
Does your SO see that all he
Does your SO see that all he is to SD is money? And that she has no use for him other than what BM has programmed her to say and do? That is so sad.
But on the upside, let BM boyfriend pay for the private school! That rocks! He must be a total dumbass, but if he is a dumbass with an extra $6 grand then cool! hahaha
What a horrid child! I guess
What a horrid child! I guess she learned from the best. Although it really sounds like BM is the mastermind, using SD as her little messenger. How sad for this kid. Hope that works out for BM's boyfriend paying! Sure he'll tire of that soon.
It's awful! I remember when
It's awful! I remember when my skids were young and we had to fly them across the country for their summer visit. My DH would go online and pick out affordable flights for them and BM would not agree to the flight times - too early in the a.m., etc. Always ended up with the flights she chose and they were double in price. Interesting that we picked direct flights so the skids didn't have to connect but they didn't fall into her accepted time frame. So she had them go on connecting flights which actually cost more money because of the departure time and they'd get in to the East Coast very late at night.
Also when their grandmother passed away, she left each skid some money that was to be used to higher educational purposes only. When SS24 got his first dui - BM talked MIL into using some of that money for an attorney. Then SS24 got a felony dui after that and all that money is gone. What a waste. He did a stint in prison for a year so not like it helped him out at all.
Is it in the decree that your SO has to pay for an expensive college? When I was divorced we agreed on sharing costs for state college only.
This sounds like how my life
This sounds like how my life will be in a few short years. SD10 and BM are already this way now. It's always "ask your dad" BM told myself and DH that SD10 needed new glasses (bc her Rx was up, so really she just needed new lenses). So we told BM we would take her to the Dr and to let us know which Dr it was.. anywho months and months go by w/o dr visit for eyes. Then BM gets mad and throws that back into our face about saying we were going to take SD and get her new glasses and we never did and how upset SD is with us. THEN when we take SD to dr BM is not satisified with the dr we took SD to and takes her elsewhere (to like a real eye dr where they dialate your eyes and all.. this is only SD second eye dr visit and we didnt see all that extra expense necessary). Then SD tells us the next time she is at our house that she picked out her glasses and they were $300 and "my mom said that you would have to pay for them daddy" wait what.. im sorry.. im nearly 30 years old and i have never had a pair of frames and lenses that cost more than $150!! NO WAY. i told SD no honey you just need new lenses because your Rx has changed she replies "no my mom says i need new everything beacuse my frames now are too small and too kiddish.. i want hello kitty ones" i go whelp youre at the wrong place if you think were just going to dish out the money for that.. it is assinie and just because someone has the money to spend does not mean they sit and spend it all!!!!!!!!
i feel your pain and see me in your spot in a few years. doesnt it just chap your butt to see anyone take advantage of you DH especially when it is his child!! it makes me soooo angry
Reminds me of when we noticed
Reminds me of when we noticed that SD was squinting when looking at things. DH asked her to tell her mom to take her in to get her eyes checked (we provided insurance). Next time they came down, SD said her mom said to have her dad do it himself.
There were no places open on the weekends where we lived. The closest place was Skidtown, 50 miles one way. So, Friday 100 miles to go get skids. Saturday 100 miles to take SD to get her eyes checked. Then 100 miles on Sunday to take skids back.
SD DID need glasses and was so proud of the ones she picked out. Welp, I guess that wasn't good enough for BM. She took SD BACK there and got her DIFFERENT glasses. Insurance, obviously, only pays for one a year for minors. Since they had OUR address on record, guess who got the bill?
Luckily for us, she decided to take DH back to court for the umpteenth time and the judge didn't think to highly of BM's attempt to stick us with an unnecessary $140 bill. He made her pay it.