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Am I wrong

Moralofthestory's picture

Am I wrong for not wanting to watch SS4 overnight while my Boyfriend goes to another state 10 hours away to go kick it with his music career friends ? I feel like if his week to have his son he needs to be there for him primarily. The kid has even come to me saying he's sad because he always spends time with me and not his dad when he's here. I'm also heavily pregnant so it's hard to chase a toddler around especially one I did not birth. Not saying that matters but I havnt got the first hand experience of giving birth yet and raising a child of my own yet until my baby is born. Somehow I'm always the bad guy. The BM doesn't give a **** when it's not her week to have him


tog redux's picture

No, you are not wrong. Either your BF stays home, or the kid goes to BM's house or Grandma's house - anywhere but with you. It's not your job to be his babysitter.

SteppedOut's picture

This is not at all a bm problem. This is 100% your boyfriend's problem. Say NO. The child is there to see him, not you. How sad it is that the child mentioned this to you - are you prepared to be a single parent? I highly doubt your bf will be any different with your shared child. 

Harry's picture

You are not going to be USED.   It's your BF KID. He is there to see his father not you.  You BF either finds someone to babysit or he stays home. He's the father. 
This is called the Big Red Flag.   As in your BF is a poor parent, he thinks of himself first.  You have no say in anyway.

Time to seriously think about dumping him.  Remember this is the honeymoon phase of the relationship. It's only going to go down hill from here.  Unfortunately you are starting really low on the hill

ndc's picture

You're not wrong.  Watching your BF's kid is not your responsibility, especially if you don't want to or are uncomfortable doing so.  Also, you have no legal relationship to this kid - you're not even a real stepparent.  If he needed medical care or something on your watch, it could be problematic.  

I will watch the SDs while DH is at work or off doing something, but I wouldn't watch them overnight while he is off with his friends.  If he wants to go on a fishing trip with his buddies or whatever, he plans it for a weekend when BM has the skids.  If something came up on our time, he would ask BM to switch time with him before he asked me to watch the skids overnight when he wasn't home.  I would not be at all opposed to watching them in an emergency situation, but in the ordinary course it doesn't seem appropriate to me - they're his kids, his responsibility, and they have another parent who is close by.

Winterglow's picture

Dammit! Tell him to take his kid with him! You are not his (unpaid) babysitter. Yoiu might also remind him that as NCP (I'm presuming they don't have 50/50) he doesn't even have to take his child on weekends when he thinks he has better things to do.

Bottom line, if he isn't there then neither is his child. 

Cover1W's picture

Is a final word. My DH one summer decided to up and go on a vacation by himself. I couldn't go for work reasons. He assumed I'd be ok with YSD, then 12/13, coming for her regular WEEK with him. Um, no. So then his week of vacation turned into more work for me.

He was mad, he argued, he ranted, he called ME selfish. WTF? This is NOT my kid. I like her but it's not my responsibility. I stuck to it. He backed down. I agreed that she could come for two days so she could see her friends. He ALSO paid me for it. I would have not asked for the $ if he hadn't been such a jerk about it from the start.

Today I would still say no. BTW he now claims to not remember that he was mad about it.... convenient.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

You're not wrong at all. HIS kid, HIS responsibility.

And WTH is he going out of state while you're heavily pregnant?? What happens if you go into labor? 

Peach's picture

No, you are not wrong.  What is he going to do?  I think it is crazy that he would consider going to another state to hang out with friends in the midst of a pandemic and potentially bring back a horrible disease for his pregnant girlfriend and small child.  That would not fly here.

Kes's picture

Your boyfriend is using you, pure and simple.  You need to change this dynamic right now, if there is to be any hope for the relationship in the future.  It might have been better to wait before becoming pregnant, till you saw how the land lay. 

Maganamitre04's picture

It's his child. Not yours and where does he feel since you two are together that your obligated to watch his child while he goes and parties with friends? How convenient for him while you get to stay home with his kid and enjoy himself and he doesn't have to be a responsible parent? That's what parenting is, making sure when it's your time to spend that time... and if you can't because he has plans he should plan to have a babysitter, grandma, his mother or someone else besides yourself... or for that matter maybe ask you so you can have a say so whether you want to or not? What hell is wrong with these SO's they just assume because we are there it's just golden rule to leave their children with their partner?


I don't do that. I love my SS but if my DH has plans to go hang with friends what makes him think I can watch his son, especially if it's his weekend? Uhm, did he not think maybe I have plans or want to make plans on my own with him throwing his responsibilities on me... I didn't create his child and when it's BM weekend and she makes plans with her hubby she doesn't look for DH to watch him. She plans it on her end. 

Sometimes these people just have the nerve to think we are obligated for their personal use.