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OT - 21 year old woman died of covid-19 yesterday in the UK

Monkeysee's picture

She had no previous health conditions. She was healthy, had her whole life ahead of her, and now she’s dead. This is why we need to stop passing children back & forth. So many people are going around believing that they won’t they get it, or that they’re young & healthy so if they get it they’ll be fine. This isn’t necessarily true.

There are children out there catching this virus, some of them require hospitalization, others can fight it at home. If your child gets sick & needs to be hospitalized, how likely is it that mum & dad will get to be by their child’s side as they fight for their lives? If enough children get sick, how long do you think it will be before hospitals start banning parents from being there with/for their kids? 

People keep saying ‘I shouldn't to go without seeing my children’, but there are plenty of stories out there of healthcare workers in intact families who are doing exactly that. They’re sending their children to stay with relatives to keep them safe, knowing that they can’t be sure when they’ll see them again. They’re choosing to go without seeing their kids to keep their kids safe. Why can’t people see the bigger picture?

The math of social isolation doesn’t lie, passing kids around does nothing to prevent the spread, and everything to allow it to grow exponentially. If my skids come to my house & DH or I pass it to them without knowing we have it, they bring it to BM, who passes it to her BF, who passes it to his kids, who then bring it to their home. All these adults are still going to the store, unaware that they’re ill, and passing it to people in the store. Those people go home & give it to their families, some of those families will be blended as well, and if they’re passing kids around will transmit between those houses. And so the cycle continues. 

This is why kids cannot be the exception. It’s not just the contact between the houses, but the exponential affect it can and does have to everyone else around us. I find it insanely hypocritical that people on here are judging those with teenagers who are going out, yet are continuing to exercise visitation. How is it any different for a teenager to go out with a friend & pass it among them than a parent to transmit to their child or pick it up from them? It’s not. We’re just emotionally attached to one scenario and removed from the other, which allows us to see clearly why one is wrong yet decide the other is perfectly acceptable. 

This virus doesn’t care who you are, whether your parents are divorced, what age you are, or how much money you have in the bank. While it has, to date, been more lethal for older or immunocompromised people, that doesn’t mean young, fit, & healthy people cannot still suffer from this or sadly pass away, as was the case for the 21 year old yesterday. I can only imagine the grief her family is feeling right now. 

Please think about how important it really is to pass your kids back & forth. Personally, I would hate to see my kid or skids on a ventilator, especially if they had to go through it on their own without a parent there because the hospital has restricted visits to keep everyone safe. I can’t think of anything worse, asides from losing them altogether, which I don’t even want to think about.  The more strict everyone is for the time being, the sooner we’ll be out on the other side of it. Please please please think about it, time can be made up after the fact, but death is permanent. 


hereiam's picture

I completely agree with you, Monkey.

There are also many more people out and about than necessary and businesses who get through loopholes to be considered "essential" when they are not. The more human interaction, the longer, and the harder, this thing hits us.

No one is exempt from this virus killing them, I don't care what they say about age or underlying conditions.

My company is legitimately essential and so is my DH's but frankly, I would rather stay home.

Aunt Agatha's picture

So he!! Yes, this all the way.  It's horrifying the conditions he especially is having to work in with a lack of proper equipment.  They are not even in one of the hard hit areas (yet).

People just need to stay home!  Passing kids back and forth is putting others at risk.  It's increasing the need to stop at gas stations and other places that people wouldn't be going to if they were following stays at home orders.

lieutenant_dad's picture

I understand this, and DH has to make a hard decision before Sunday. He and BM were going to do summer schedule, so week on/off. BM doesn't have the means to keep the kids full-time in a crisis because no one can swoop in to save her (which is the only way she has ever been able to do it). She relies in school for food, her mom to extra money in small amounts, etc. If either boy had a sniffle, she'd shuttle them ALL to the nearest ER because she'd panic. She'll also take them ALL to the store, because that's what she does. She wouldn't stop them from visiting family, even under stay-at-home orders. It would be all of them or none of them out.

The boys, I wholeheartedly believe, are better with us. But BM likely won't go for them staying here for weeks/months on end. So DH is going to have to decide by Sunday to either keep the boys or send them to BM for the duration. I did tell him this is the ONE TIME I'd be okay with giving her extra funds - or, more accurately, paying Shipt to take her food and meds, as needed.

DH knows his kids are in danger with BM. He also knows he doesn't have the right to keep them. He doesn't know what to do. He's not sure if the cops will show up and force him to hand them over, and he doesn't want his kids to see that.

This entire situation shines a very bright light on the problems with the family court system. If you are a father around here, there is no "win" unless you get lucky.

Monkeysee's picture

I feel for you & your DH, LD, you’re really in a no win situation with your BM right now. It’s that much more difficult for families where there is abuse or neglect present because doing the right thing can mean putting loved ones in harms way. It’s not an easy choice. 

I agree with you about the extra money given the circumstances, DH & I have talked about loosening certain boundaries with BM for the time being as these are unprecedented times & we’re all just flying by the seat of our pants. I hope you & your DH find the best possible solution for you & your skids. 

lieutenant_dad's picture

I was cautiously optimistic with this new husband that things would improve, but that doesn't seem to be so. She's still an eternal teenager, and that's a big problem right now. Adults need to think like adults, and that just isn't happening.

Example: before she dropped the boys off last week, she took them to the store to get video games. The store was limiting how many people could come in, but still. THAT is the level of stupid we're dealing with. DH should have sent them back with BM, but then it goes right back to "if they get sick, who TF will actually take care of them, because BM won't have the wherewithal to do it without direct doctor's orders".

Monkeysee's picture

I don’t know what to say, it’s genuinely no win. I’m so sorry you’re having to deal with her ridiculous and dangerous behaviour Sad

queensway's picture


Sweet T's picture

100% agree. I belong to a local site and I am shocked how many are passing the kids back and forth still. 

My ex let bs12 stay home last weekend and I am hopeful that we will just keep doing that.  His wife is a nurse so they are way more likely to get it then at my house.

personally I would give him anything to make up for the couple of weekends he might miss if it means BS who is at risk is safe. He has asthma and had a horrible respitory illness in November that his lungs are still not 100%.

As far as I am concerned they can call, FaceTime whatever whenever if it means our son can remain in his cocoon of safety as my ex referred as.


ChzyBob20's picture

StepPoop is going back to his mother. That's pretty much it. Allegedly, BowelMovement is being careful and we are being careful so no added risk to adhering to the CO.


Monkeysee's picture

That logic is false, the math of social distancing/isolation doesn’t lie. No matter how careful both homes are being, unless both homes are under absolute quarantine, with zero contact with the outside world, including going to the store for groceries, going to work if you’re still in work, getting medicine, getting out for exercise, you’re putting yourself & others at risk by passing your skid between the homes.

The only way this is safe to do is if you’re being tested regularly & know for a fact that you’re all remaining negative, which isn’t an option at the moment. Feeling ok and washing your hands isn’t enough to guarantee that you don’t have the virus. Passing a skid between houses is absolutely no different than having a play date, or asking a neighbour or friend over for coffee. The virus can be passed between family members just as easily as it can be with anyone else, so assuming that it’s safe to do because both houses are being careful is a complete fallacy. 

hereiam's picture

I don't understand why people think getting together with family is okay.

My friend's daughter is pissed that she won't come over. The daughter and her two kids have been running around town as if life is normal so my friend refuses to go over to her house.

Family is not exempt.

I have been heeding the warnings and feel that I am being safe but there is still no way that I would go over to my 72 year old dad's house, who has had a quadruple bypass.

This isn't about trusting that someone doesn't want to get you, or anybody else sick, it's about the unknown.

It's the same thing they say about STDs. You are coming into contact with everybody that the other person has come into contact with, and who they have come into contact with, and so on. And you don't know who all those people are.

ChzyBob20's picture


I said all parties are being careful. That means no close contact with others. StepPoop isn't allowed under my roof 100% ever again.

He's leaving. He won't bring COVID to BowelMovement.

Monkeysee's picture

If anyone in your home is going into public for any reason, there is always the chance you can contract the virus. This is not my opinion, this is what the experts have been saying. Your DH should be having BM keep your SS if you don’t want him in the house 100% of the time (understandable). There is absolutely no way to guarantee you do not have the virus if anyone is going into public, whether you make physical contact with people or not. Again, this is not my opinion, this is being stated by people who make a living by studying infectious disease. No amount of caution is 100% effective, save for total isolation without leaving your home or having anyone enter your home (including your SS). 

Petronella's picture

There absolutely IS added risk to adhering to the CO. I'm surprised that you of all people are not telling your DH that SS needs to go to BM's and stay there. 

ChzyBob20's picture


All parties are being cautious. No COVID transmission via StepPoop.

fakemommy's picture

I completely agree. We have been full-on quarantining ourselves for 2 weeks at a time. We aren't having contact with anyone else at all. One of us will grocery shop at the 2-week mark, and then we'll go another 2 weeks.

Passing a kid back and forth is exactly like a playdate, and I'd never bet my family's lives on what BM says she's doing. If you think skid won't have food, mail them some, but that's it.

I posted earlier,  but my skids aren't going to BM's until this is completely over. If that means they stay weeks at a time with BM after, fine. But we're all in agreement that staying where she is is best, especially since BM is still working.

Iamwoman's picture

I 100% agree with this, and hope that by the weekend after this weekend, my DH will see the logic behind this as well and not allow skid visits during quarantine.

ChzyBob20's picture

If my DH has qualms about picking up StepPoop that's fine. However, my marriage won't survive 100% StepPoop (who is almost an adult for the record) occupation. He is and will be going back to the saintly bosom of BowelMovement. Both of those POSs made their beds and they can lie in them.