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Help me before I help them off a bridge!!!

MommyToAMillion's picture

Well...it's been a long time since I've been on here!! Mainly because I lost my password AGAIN and was too lazy to set up a new one!!
I have been sneaking around reading everyone's blogs to see if I found something similar to my current problem...but I could not, so I'm hoping that I can get lots of incite on my own!

This problem has been going on since...no lie...the day my now 13 month old daughter was born!!!
My mil has been flat out ignoring her for sd6. I've blogged about it before and can't remember where I left off!! I wasn't going to invite her to bd's birthday party for fear that she would continue on the same path but dh threw a fit. (sd's mom let her come that weekend and miss her million sporting events)

(I'm on my phone so if this is hard to read or choppy...I apologize in advance)

I was right. And not only did mil do it...so did both BILs and SIL. the only person that even held/played with bd was MIL but that was only once after my dh shoved her in MILs lap. After putting bd on MILs lap, mil put her on the side of her left leg, turned to her right towards sd6 and started to tell her how much she had missed her blah blah blah. The party continued (for 2 hours) with these people acting like it was sd6s party and bd was not even there. At the end the in laws were the last to leave and not one of them said goodbye to my bd but made sure to hug and kiss and tell sd6 how much they wanted her to come visit. Mil Took sd6 on the 45 min trek home. Even talked to dh about getting sd6 again on the following weekend for a fam reunion) Said nothing to anyone but dh and his fam. I was fuckin furious.
So..the plot thickens.
Dh called his mom and told her we wouldnt be going To the reunion due to his family blatenly ignoring our bd and mil said," well I'm sorry you all aren't going. What about sd6?" Ho didn't apologize, say it wouldn't happen again, cuss at him..just worried about sd6 being able to make it. Fast forward some more...she calls 2 days later and tells dh that the reason she might not have paid attentionto bd was because her back was Killing her and she even had to stop 3 times on her way home from taking sd. (even though she held BILs 15 month old and newborn and pulled sd6 into her lap about 30 times and also her back didn't hurt her too much to talk to sd6s mom about reunion and what day we would pick her up and have her home-I read the email from bm) so dh and I had to get into a huge argument once again just for him to see how fucked up his family is for doing this to his daughter for her whole life..so far.
His plan is to go this Sunday to sit mil and fil down to tell them they start treating bd the same, acknowledge and apologize for what they've been doing.....or they need to stay the hell out of our lives and that includes sd.

I told dh that I would not be apart of this convo cause I would just be in prison afterwards. I know he is torn between all of us but how will I know that he really talked to them about it and it really goes how he says.

Any advice/comments on any part of this mess would be greatly appreciated.

Comments

DaizyDuke's picture

It sounds to me like ILs are being small minded about something.. I'm just not sure what?? I don't know your history, so I'm grapsing at straws here (and certainly not trying to accuse or anything) Were you the other woman? Do they like you? Are you of a different race/religion or something than your ILs? Are you from a different social class than ILs?

Now, NONE of these things are a valid reason for them to treat your BD differently than SD but we all know that sometimes people can be small minded (especially older people) about people who are "different" from them in any way. Maybe if your DH can get them to admit what the bug up their butts is, then you can address it and go from there.

I'll admit that I am guilty as sin alot of times of treating my skids at a level far below that of which I treat my BS and alot of it has to do with their BMs. I despise them and it's not the skids faults, but sometimes it carries over onto them. Am I proud of this? Hell no, but I am big enough to admit that I am guilty as charged. Now with that being said, I never am mean to the kids and I don't treat them poorly, I just choose to ignore them for the most part (which one could argue is in fact treating them poorly). Kind of sounds like what is happening to your BD and I'm just as curious as you as to why?

MommyToAMillion's picture

To answer your questions in order...
No, not positive but I do know that before bd was born they LOVED me, no, and actually I come from the same town as them but my family is not and are more prominent than them.

I can't see how even if she/they didn't like me they would treat my bd this way. They hate my dhs ex-wives and act like their kids hung the freakin moon!!

DaizyDuke's picture

So it all basically started when BD was born? Was there some nonsense with the birth? Like did MIL want to be there and you said no? I know my MIL was being a total PITA about being in the room for the delivery, I kept telling her no, she kept pestering right up until I went into labor. Thank God I had a C-section so it was a non issue, but it would have been a knock-down drag out with her and she probably would have held it against me for quite a while.

Still this is no reason to treat baby BD poorly?? You've got me stumped!

MommyToAMillion's picture

The only nonsense was sd and mil.
Mil had asked me if she could be jn the delivery room and I said yes..pissing off half of the women in my family! Mil had to sign a paper and after that NOONE else but my husband could be in there no matter what.
What happens when I go into labor? Mil drives 2 hours to go and pick up sd so not only was she not in the delivery room when bd was born but my sister, aunt, mom couldnt be in there either.

I'm telling you this woman and her family have to just be off their rocker. Not to be mean but sd is an ugly kid. She has a pretty mom and her dad is...well...HOT Smile but she just got the bad genes. Our daughter is super cute. And that's not jus because I'm her mom...when I go out with both girls people say this, " oh bd is the cutesy baby I've ever seen. She has such character and beautiful eyes blah blah blah. And sd...you uh...are wearing the cutesy outfit!"
So it can't be that either!!!!

DaizyDuke's picture

...Not to be mean but sd is an ugly kid... Our daughter is super cuteSo it can't be that either!!!!

ahaaa... but I think that may very well be it! MIL is feeling sorry for SD and so is overcompensating by trying to make her feel extra, super, special and by making sure that she elevates her above your BD. Kind of like the runt of the litter.. you know how alot of people are drawn to the smaller, weaker puppy, because they feel sorry for it?

I suspect you have just answered your own question here. MIL will probably NEVER admit to this and maybe she doesn't even consciously even realize that she is doing it, I guess of all the petty reasons that she could have for acting the way she does, this one is the least evil. She probably just truly feels sorry for SD.

MommyToAMillion's picture

I hate to shoot down every idea but those people (his fam) think that this kid is beautiful!!! I swear they talk about how cute she is all the time and I'm like what kid are you fools talking about?? I think they are just so hung up on this kid. She isnt smarter than the average kid, not cute, a BRAT, and still acts like a baby! I just don't undeeeeeeeeerstand!!

MommyToAMillion's picture

Me too!!!!
Absolutely not...and nor was she dhs first child!!

MommyToAMillion's picture

That is what I tell dh. And no we can't stop the two of them from visitation completely but were hoping just saying it will scare the btch into seeing the light.
I personally don't think she/they deserve a 27th chance but dh does and I have told him this will be THE LAST. I am secretly hoping they act like they don't know what the hell he is talking about so I never have to see these people again!!

hismineandours's picture

my outlaws have nothing to do with my kids either. I am not even sure the last time my mil actually spoke to my kids? My dd saw her about a month ago and waved at her and mil drove slowly by her as my ss pointed out-hey theres dd14-and mil just rolled on by never even acknowledging her. They only live 15 minutes away so its not like it would be complicated to see them. SS13 lives with them so apparently he is seen daily. My mil has always been ate up with ss. Always. Not that she paid much attention to him over the years because she's a truly shitty grandparent, but now that she is involved she is the most awesome grandparent in the world to him and my kids are pieces of shit. She evidently dislikes my children so much that she did not want ss attending the same school with them. My kids are honor roll students who have never had any behavioral issues in school and only give us minor, ordinary kid issues at home. They dont use drugs, have sex, sneak out, steal-nothing. But she thinks they are so heinous that ss cant even attend school with them. Despite the fact that HE smokes pot, grows pot, steals, lies, is aggressive and destructive. But ok whatever.

Needless to say they are not invited to bday parties, family xmas will never occur again with these people, and I expressly planned a vaca over T-giving so I didnt have to deal with these nutty people.